


Zoe Part III

by Mysteryred



Series: Zoe [4]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:09:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 61,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysteryred/pseuds/Mysteryred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Babies, romance, drama, angst, family, more hybrids, mad scientists, a therapy drug, it's an adventure to say the least. I tend to err a little to the side of DARK, be forewarned. I do not own TMNT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Two Years Post Part II**

**The Hamptons House**

**Zoe**

"Andrea, get off your brother's shell. Now, please." I cut her cheese pizza into squares fit for two year old hands as she's climbing on her brother's shell and pinching him in the tender flesh between his plastron and carapace.

"MOM, I'm gonna hit her! I'm gonna-" Antonello is giving his sister a fair warning, as far as four year old boys can do, especially four year old turtle boys with their fathers temper. Well that could be my temper too. Eh, I'll claim responsibility for the girl. Raph can be responsible for the- oh shit he's going to flip her!

"Anton, do not flip her over! Andrea, get off your brother! Both of you sit down and eat your pizza! Then you're going to pick up your toys and get a bath!" I sigh, I'm beat. It's been a long week without Raph.

April runs a hand over her ready-to-pop belly, "Is this what I have to look forward to?"

I nod and rub my eyes. She showed up at dinner time, after she'd gotten off of work, with pizza, and I was grateful, but suspicious. I was hoping Raph would be home today, but not too long after April arrived so did his text telling me they'd be another day. Donnie always told her what was going on before Raph got around to telling me. Lucky April for Donnie's communication skills, poor Raph when I get a hold of him.

"Guys please don't make me come in theeerrree- Oh, Oh my- " What starts out feeling like a running cramp in my side, immediately digs deeper as if someone is scooping out my flesh with a knife, "Oh no. No, no, no. Oh." The pain tears through my ribcage like I'm being pulled apart, muscles are burning… Oh god it hurts. The searing, ripping sensation brings me to my knees. I can feel my children's tiny hands tugging on me and hear their worried cries, but I hurt as if my side is being peeled away. My heart picks up a hard jerking pace as my world sways and whirls, beads of sweat arise over my damp, shivering body. Shock. Why am I going into shock?

It's the connection, our bond. What's happened to him? "My phone," I gasp. "My phone," I open my eyes but everything is spinning. I think I'm going to be sick. Oh, this is bad, very, very bad. Gripping the counter top I pull myself up then fumble for the phone and slip back to the floor.

"Zoe, are you okay? What's wrong?" April looks horrified as she searches me for injury but obviously she can't find one.

"It's Raph," I grunt, writhing away from the torture impressing itself deep within my flesh, "Something's happened." The phone in my hand is ringing over and over. While there's a shredding sensation in my side stealing my breath away, the thrum of my pulse becomes an annoying sound in my head. My abdomen tightens from the stress and adrenaline, a cramp shoots through to my core… Our baby, I have to calm down. I have to, oh fuck this hurts! I roll onto my side, listening to the phone ring wondering what has happened to him, and no one is picking up…

**The Lair**

**Raphael**

"Lay him over here! Here, Leo, here!" Donatello swipes an arm across the metal table in the needle room, knocking a pile of his books onto the floor.

" _Yes I'd come for you, no one but you. Yes I'd come for you. But only if you told me to."_

My phones ringing, it's her ringtone. _I'd Come for You_ , by Nickelback. I'd laugh, cause it's so damn girly, but I'm bleeding all over the damn place. Donnie fixed it so it plays the entire song as long as we let the phone ring. If a ringtone could ring incessantly, mine has been, since that damn blade ripped into my bridge.

Leo is dragging my sorry ass to the table and I'm bleeding everywhere. Shit. It's a lot of blood, and she's feeling my pain, I know it. I can feel her with me. Damn. "DAMN!" I scream.

"Master Splinter, please sterilize his sai." Don takes one of my weapons, hands it to my father then throws open a cabinet and fills his arms with supplies.

"Donatello," Splinter's eyes reflect his concern. He always tries to appear calm, but sometimes when we're hurt, it's hard, even for him. Now that I'm a father I understand. Oh, how I understand.

" _And I'd fight for you. I'd lie, it's true. Give my life for you. You know I'd always come for you."_

"It's not good Sensei, please hurry. If I don't stop the bleeding-" Don looks at the gash in my bridge, then to Leo, my father, and finally me.

"Don't talk like that Don. Just fix it up, quick. She can feel my pain Donnie, hurry it up!" I think that's what I'm saying, but the rooms starting to spin and I can feel darkness calling, I sound strange, even to myself. I just have to focus, on her. Not the pain. God, she can feel my pain. I never get hurt this bad anymore. Never. "DAMN! DAMN IT!"

My phone is still ringing. We never even set up our voice mails, we promised to always answer no matter what.

" _No matter what gets in my way, As long as there's still life in me, no matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you."_

"Somebody answer my phone. She's going to be scared, in pain, and scared." I think that's what I'm saying. Damn it. I sound like I feel. Like shit.

Donatello grabs a suture kit and towels, as Splinter returns with a red hot sai.

I look at it, know what I do, about Zoe, and freak out. "SHIT! You can't, we can't do it like this Don. You've got to do something else!"

Donatello leans in toward me, "Raph, I've got to stop the bleeding. I have to do this."

" _I'd crawl across this world for you, do anything you want me to, no matter what-"_

I try to focus on Leo who appears ready to hold me down, but everything is blurry. "Somebody answer my damn phone! Leo, you've got to go to her. You've got to take care of her. Leo, promise me! Promise!"

Leo's face shifts from worried to confused, his blue eyes widening. "You are going to be fine Raph. She's going to be fine too. I already sent Mike straight to the house. He'll be there soon. April's with her-"

"Enough talking, he's going to bleed out!" Donatello leans toward my bridge with the sai.

" _Just one more moment, that's all that's needed, like wounded soldiers in need of healing."_

"Leo she's pregnant! GO NOW!" I scream, slamming a fist into the table beneath me. This is not how I thought we'd share our news with our family but my brother's not picking up the urgency here. Fuck, it's getting dark. I try to focus my thoughts on my family, Zoë's feistiness, flickers of my daughter's sassy smile and my son's smirk flash through my mind.

" _I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground, But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up, forgive me now."_

"I'm going right now Raph, right now." Leo looks at Donatello and I can hear him whisper, "Is she going to be okay – uh – Are they going to make it through this kind of pain? What's that going to do to her?"

Don frowns, "I don't know, but if I don't get this done she'll be losing her soul mate, and I don't want to think about that scenario at all." He doesn't look back as he touches the red hot sai into my wound.

" _I finally know what it means to let someone in. To see the side of me that no one does or ever will."_

Soul mates, bonded for life. That's what we chose for ourselves. We aren't the marrying types but we are completely entwined. There will never be another for either of us and we know it beyond any doubt. Until our dying breaths and damn it mine won't be now.

Shut it off Zoe.

Shut me out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Zoe**

"Uncle Mikey! Uncle Mikey! Something's wrong with Mommy! Help!" Anton is dragging his uncle toward me and I can't lift my head for the knife in my side, my trembling body, and my racing heart.

"Unca Mikey! You help Mommy?" Andrea's little voice squeaks between her sobs.

"Mike I don't understand what's wrong with her?" April tries to shove herself off from the floor beside me and Mike helps her up.

"I know April. Can you watch the Little's? I need to talk to Zoe." Mike's usually playful face is dead serious and a deep sense of foreboding joins my physical torment. It's bad, I know it's bad. Please let him be alright, please. _Please_.

April reaches out a hand to Mike's arm, "Is Donnie okay?"

Mike gives her a small smile, "Yes. He's fine. He's busy right now, he'll call you as soon as he can."

April nods as she glances at the ball of me, crumpled on the floor. "Is Raph okay?" she whispers.

Mike frowns, "I need to talk to Zoe. I'm going to take her upstairs, away from the Littles. Can you watch them?"

"Yes of course." She took a last look at me before ushering my kids into the play area.

"Zoe, hey Babe, come on. Can you walk?" Mike touches my shoulder gently.

The tears are flowing when I open my eyes to look into his baby blues. "It hurts. It's bad. It's bad Mikey. I-"

He takes one look at my face, nods and scoops me up. I'm sobbing into his plastron, worried for Raph, fearing for our baby, still shivering with pain as he carries me upstairs. He flips on the light to mine and Raph's bedroom and lays me on the bed. I'm still clutching my ringing phone in my hand while it rings over and over, but he's not answering. No one is answering, my side is splitting, and I want to turn back the clock to when I got his text, to tell him I love him, not to go out tonight, to please just come home, to take back the, _why aren't you coming home_ , _what aren't you telling me_ , _what's really going on_ , to trade my bitchiness in, to tell him how I really feel instead. I choke back a whimper of Raph's physical pain dipped in a coating of regret, look in my orange clad brothers melancholy blue eyes, know what I need to ask, but am afraid to.

Mike sits beside me, rubbing my arm, "Is there anything I can do to help? Anything?"

I'm clutching my ringing phone to my breast. I know with a sinking heart, no one is going to answer. We promised, we'd always answer if we could. It's not like its everyday that someone is so in tune with someone that they can feel them when they're hours away. As my gut wrenches and twists, my abdomen tightening, my heart is breaking, this can't be happening. The one time, we actually plan a baby and this? He never gets hurt this badly. What happened? Damn the tears that won't stop flowing. This kind of pain, this level of hurt… I look at Mike through a blur of tears, and I have to know, no matter what the answer, "Is it a mortal wound?"

Mike frowns, looks at the floor, gives a slight nod, "It could be."

I grunt under the pains of a cramping abdomen amid the sensation of someone carving into my side as if it's a slab of roast and manage to tell Michelangelo, why this is not the best time for Raph not only to die, but to be hurt at all, not as if anytime would be, but especially not now. "I'm pregnant."

Mike stiffens and gawks at me. This is not what we had in mind when we were going to tell this news to our family. It's the first time we've actually made the decision to have a baby on purpose, and we thought we'd talk to them about why we were making another addition to our wild and crazy lot. Anton and Andrea were two wonderful surprises, but Anton is lonely and a little lost being the only one like him. He needs this sibling, and he needs it to be a boy just like him, so we decided to try and give it to him. We had hope when April and Donnie announced they were expecting, and we're still excited for them, but they're having a girl. So we took matters into our own hands. But this level of injury, and the way my body reacts to his pain… I don't know what this means for our little one.

I'm holding my phone as if a miracle will happen and he'll answer, all the while the pain is still burning a hole in my side, and I'm terrified for all that is at stake.

There's one thing I might be able to do…

"I can try to see if I can-" I don't want this. No I don't. But this is what Raph would want me to do. I don't want this, but it's what he would do. I control my connection to him, but he can close it off if he wants. But he'd have to close his heart to me and in this state of pain, I don't know if he could. I should do it. I just don't know if I can. He needs me. He needs this connection. But he would want me to. I don't doubt that for a second. He'd probably be pissed I'd debated it this long. "I can try to separate us as much as possible. It may buffer the pain enough to save the baby." I lick my lips, tasting the salt of my tears.

Mike nods and moves to stand.

"Mike, please don't leave. Please." I take a deep breath, grunting beneath the pain.

He nods, "I'm going to sit here, right here on the floor next to you."

He's grown up so much over the past few years. He still gets to be a big kid around my babies but he's so much more dependable in times like this.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. The pain is jolting me in the side. It feels like my flesh has been torn open and my guts might spill out. Oh my dear soul-mate. What has happened to you to bring us here? Deep breath. Breathe Zoe. Focus and breathe. I love you Raph. I know this is what you'd want me to do. Oh Love, please forgive me. Deep breath. My loves crooked grin flashes before my eyes, oh how it still makes my heart leap. Inhale. Slow exhale. Release him. I can't do this. No. I can. I have to. Inhale. My oldest babies smirk, not unlike his fathers. Inhale. Exhale. My sweet daughters face, similar to my own. Inhale. Exhale.

_Shut it off Zoe. Shut me out._

Scorching hot pain.

I'm falling into an abyss.

**Donatello**

"Hold him down Leo!" I merge the two halves of the jagged wound by melting the flesh back together, the scent of burning flesh taints the air, and my stomach turns. The bleeding stops while my brother screams at the top of his lungs, his shoulders bucking up from the table as Leo struggles to force him down. It's as if time is stuck in slow motion, the ache in the back of my throat, one brother writhing, the other keeping him on the table, but I know it's only a matter of seconds, before he passes out from the pain.

With that horrible task complete, I set to work cleaning the area again. Next I've got to inject him with an antibiotic, then I've got to- the phone stopped ringing.

The room has fallen silent, the kind of unsettling quiet that somehow alerts all of my senses, sending a chill straight through me until it reaches my fingertips, leaving them cold and stiff. My heart thuds in a slow thumping pace and I try to wrap my mind around what's happening. How did that hybrid get the drop on Raph? It happened so fast. And really, Zoe is pregnant again? Just how many kids are these two thinking about having anyway? What's he thinking? They have that bond, he knows he's emotionally connected to her, that she feels what he does. Why, if she's pregnant, would he think it's okay to put himself on the line like that? Don't be stupid Donatello, its Raph. He's changed in a lot of ways since Zoe's come into our lives, but rushing to the front in a fight, is not one of them. Of course Leo wouldn't have let him if he'd known beforehand. That's probably exactly why he didn't say anything. The question now is… what did that decision just cost him?

Leo wipes sweat from the apples of his cheeks, looks over my wounded brother, releases his unconscious form, then turns to me. "I'll call her. Is he stable?"

I sigh and look at Leo, "He's stable…. Leo, she's probably not conscious right now. They're pretty much one being these days-"

Leo nods, "I know. I'll talk to Mike or April. They'll answer."

**Michelangelo**

Her phone slides from her hand to the floor, she jerks as she screams out, then she stops moving. I leap from my spot on the floor to check her for a pulse. Alive, but what was that? It's been five years with Zoe in our lives and I swear sometimes she still freaks me out.

Her phone is ringing.

" _Just one more moment that's all that's needed-_ "

That's Raphs ringtone for her and hers for him, but I know it's not him. I pick up the phone, staring at the picture of my brother, his soul mate and their two kids smiling back at me. I'm scared when I accept the call.

"Hello?" I croak.

"Mike? It's Leo. How's she doing?"

"I don't know. She's out cold. She seems to be sleeping or something. What happens to an empath in this kind of situation?"

"I'm not sure. Raph's out too. He's stable though. Mike-" Leo hesitates, "did she tell you?"

"Yeah," What am I supposed to say? What's happening to them is awful and so unfair.

"I'm coming up tonight. I'm leaving now. He made me promise. He's not in any condition to be moved… If she wakes up tell her I'll be there soon."

"Leo she's going to want to see him," I watch her chest rise and fall under the blankets. Steady. Good.

"I know. Tell April that Don won't be home tonight. He and Master Splinter are staying with Raph. I would too, if he didn't make me promise. Just don't let her out of your sight Mike. Who knows what she'll get in her head."

"Sure thing, Leo," he's right about that, when Zoe gets upset she's liable to do the first thing that pops in her head. In some ways she and Raph are a lot alike.

After disconnecting the call I hear April in the hallway and I can't help but smile a little. Even a kunoichi still makes a shuffle when she's nine months pregnant.

April shoves the bedroom door open with some force and one look in her wide blue eyes tells me this night just got busier. "Call him back Mike. We're coming to them."

Knowing better than to question April when she's this serious, I Immediately call Raph's phone back.

"Leonardo." Leo answers.

"Uh, Leo, April says we're coming to you instead."

"No Mike. Raph doesn't want Zoe or his kids in New York right now."

"You tell April that."

April is standing over me with a strange look on her face. Her red eyebrows are drawn together, her lips are pressed flat. She makes a small grunting sound. I know that pinched expression, I've seen it before. That's the face Zoe made when she was… "Oh… oh boy. _Now_ April, really?"

" _Now_ Mike. Get the van. Load Zoe and the kids and let's go." April points to Zoe, jabs a finger in my plastron and snatches the phone from my hand. "And give me the phone."

"Leonardo. It's April. Zoe and Raph will get better faster if they're together. Raph will get over it. I'm in labor and last time I checked hospitals don't deliver turtles and my midwife is passed out. So I need Donatello because there's no way in hell Mike is helping me deliver this baby. Don't argue with me just turn around, get back to the lair and tell the love of my life to get ready!"

"Uh- sure- okay April."

April doesn't answer him she just hangs up, glares at me, then snaps, " _Why_ , are you still standing there?! _MOVE_ IT NINJA!"

Whoa. I'm moving. I'm moving.


	3. Chapter 3

**Leonardo**

"But, but, but, Zoe was supposed to- But, but, but," Donnie is literally darting from one end of his lab to the other, doing nothing productive and I'm actually relieved the pressure's not on me for once. As he picks up random items, dropping half of them, stumbles over his own feet, and resumes a frantic pacing, I feel a little bad for him. Just a little, after all, it's not like he didn't know the baby was coming. It just wasn't expected today, and this wasn't the original birth plan. That plan didn't even involve Donnie aside from holding April's hand, and being ready to act should an emergency come up. But that's our lives, nothing ever goes right to plan, so we deviate and adapt, it's no big deal. But when Donnie trips over the leg of his desk, grabbing desperately at the top of it to catch himself only to pull a bunch of papers down on his head, I've seen enough and decide I should probably try to make him feel better.

"Don," Will this night, never end? I have to wonder, as my little brother continues dropping everything he picks up. "DONATELLO!"

He stops, looking at me with wide amber eyes, his Adams apple bobbing madly as he manages to make an odd clicking sound.

I really don't understand why he's flipping out. "It's not like you haven't delivered a baby before. You helped Zoe with both of her babies."

Don's eyes are darting as he picks up a roll of med tape from his supply table only to fumble and drop it. He bends over to pick it up, slamming his head on the corner when he goes to stand, dropping the tape again. It bounces and skitters across the floor as he stammers, "But, but, but-"

"But what, Jackass?" Raph groans from the medical table.

Donnie's mouth falls open in shock then he darts over to check Raph's vitals. "You're looking good Raph, but you should get some more rest. Do you think you could drink any water?"

"Hey Raph, how are you feeling?" I ask my brother as he rubs his eyes then brushes Don's hands off him.

"Like, I got stabbed. What the hell is going on? Why are you still here?" Raph opens his eyes, blinking against the bright lights of the first aid room.

"April's having the baby. She called almost two hours ago. They're on their way here and Donatello has done nothing to prepare to deliver his baby. They're going to be here any minute now." I'm pleased that there might be some good to come of this nightmare. I've grown to love the idea of new family members, even if it means more to protect. It's worth it, every hug from those little arms, Drea's sweet kisses, the way she climbs in my lap at story time, and Anton imitates everything Raph does. I can feel the smile on my face, remembering the mini-Raph stomping his foot, just last week, as he repeated every word and action Raph made during a spat he and Zoe were having. Raph and Anton both ended up catching it from Zoe that night and the twin looks on their faces, watching Raph squirm because he knew he was wrong to swear in front of Antonello, it was both hilarious and good for him, yeah, they'd changed our lives for the better, and they were worth it.

"Don, what the hell are you doing?" Raph drapes a hand over his eyes and snaps at our brainy brother.

"But, but, but-" Don stammers.

"Hit him." Raph waves a hand at me then covers his eyes again.

I shake my head, laughing a bit. "I'm not going to hit him."

"Leo, one day this is going to be you and Karai and you won't think it's so funny. Hit him. He needs to get his shit together." Raph sighs and rubs his eyes.

"Okay," I shrug and move towards Donnie, "if you're sure."

"I'm sure," Raph chuckles then gasps, hisses in pain.

I look at my genius brother, trembling like a scared rabbit. After taking a second to think it through I opt to give him a warning first. "Don. I'm going to hit you if you don't get your shit together." I point to Raph, "Look, Raph's had a worse night than you and he's doing alright."

"What, what, what do I do?" Don just keeps blinking.

With a resounding sigh, I shake my head and smack him across the face. I mean, I can't risk knocking him out. There's no way _I'm_ delivering a baby.

Don shakes his head, seeming to get a hold of himself. "Right, Leo boil water to sterilize everything I give you. Ahhh strike that, we need to move Raph. I need this table. I have to sterilize everything."

I move one of Raph's arms around my neck and Don gets the other. Raph groans but holds his weight well for someone as badly injured as he is. Splinter is standing outside the needle room as we pass by.

"Master Splinter, could you please begin sterilizing the table and as much of this room as possible? We're going to take Raph to his room and then…" Donnie blushes and flashes our father a nervous grin, "When April comes… I guess we're having a baby."

Splinter smiles as widely as a rat can, "Of course Donatello."

It takes us ten minutes to get Raph to his bed. As soon as we lay him down Donnie darts from the room jabbering. I look at Raph and sigh, "Right. Okay, I'll send someone up with pain relief as soon as I can. I need to go help Donnie."

Raph's phone starts ringing again. Why no one thinks to call me on my own phone I have no idea.

" _I'd come for you. No one but you. Yes I'd-"_

I accept the call and Raph strains to see who it is.

"Leonardo."

"Ow! April that hurts!" Mikey squeaks then clears his throat. "Uh-Leo I could really use some help out here. I've got one unconscious woman, one in labor and two toddlers going buck wild. _Please,_ send help." He sounds completely stressed and I can hear April screaming in the background. I think she's yelling that she hates Donatello.

"Ok, I'll be right out." Just as I hang up I hear the lair door opening.

"Leo? Is anybody- We're home- What is-"

It's Karai and Exodus. Good, they can help.

"Alright Raph, someone will either bring you Zoe or pain relief or both, soon." I glance at my brother and he waves me off.

From the top of the stairs I look down at Karai and Exodus.

Karai offers me her bedroom smile in greeting and while I'd love to take her up on it, it doesn't look like it'll be anytime soon. Her eyes shift from me to Donnie who's racing around like a madman, "What is going on? Why is Don-"

I make my way down the stairs, shaking my head, "There's no time. You girls can help me bring everyone in. I'll explain on the way." I grab Karai's hand and she follows me out, Exodus right behind her.

**Michelangelo**

April is crushing my hand. Crushing it. CRUSHING IT, and the screaming, Gods the words I've never heard her say before. It's almost like she's morphed into some alien creature suffering the wrath of a horrible science experiment. For me, this experience has been more terrifying than being cornered by rabid squirrels. I've listened to her horrendous outbursts enduring random punches in the arm while driving with Andrea sobbing that she doesn't understand what's wrong with Aunt April, while Anton lost his cool and actually yelled at them both to knock it off. Lucky boy, if he wasn't four years old, I'm pretty sure April would've morphed into a rabid squirrel and bit his head off. She's that scaaaarrreeeeyyy, "Oh! Ow! April, my hand!"

Oh! Yes, Leo, at last! As he, Karai and Exodus come out to the garage, Karai grabs Andrea, Exodus leads Anton back to the lair, and Leo scoops up Zoe. Oh, oh, lucky me, I get April.

April is hissing and whining as I carry her through the door to the lair. "Mike, I hate your brother. I am going to hurt him. HURT HIM! God how did Zoe do this, twice? She's nuts. NUTS!"

Yet as I near the needle room and Donatello take's her from me she quiets and they're gazing at each other. April's crying softly now and my brother is smiling at her.

My heart swells. I want that. I hope I get that. Maybe with Exodus…

Seeing my work is done I slip out of the room, completely forgotten in the chaos. My stomach growls, "Man I'm hungry." I'm gonna grab my girl and head for the fridge. "What've we got to eat?"

**Raphael**

My side is throbbing when Leo lays Zoe next to me. I'm disappointed that she's still out. I mean I'm the one that got stabbed and I'm awake already. What the hell? No matter, once Don and April have their baby I know he'll check on ours. They're going to be okay. I just know it. Even when she's out cold, I can feel her and she comforts me. How did I get so lucky? I reach over and take her tiny hand in mine. Come on Zoe, wake up, you're missing out on all the excitement.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Zoe** _

"Hmmm," I open my eyes and he's lying next to me with that damn grin on his face. I remember what has transpired and as I look around me, I realize we are in the lair. I bolt upright and scan the side of him closest to me. "What happened?"

He doesn't answer, he just keeps staring at me. That massive hand attached to those brick muscled arms gently reaches around the back of my head and pulls me to him. His lips are on mine and before I know it I'm losing myself in him. If we could just melt into each other we might be satisfied. Maybe. Hmmm, maybe not.

I break away from him, "Are you okay? What happened? It's not this side." I move back and he pulls me to him again, "Stop it you big brute. You're going to hurt yourself more." But there's a pleading in his kiss and he's looking at me with those heart piercing eyes.

He finally releases me and I leap to his other side. I'd like to smack the smirk off his face, but what I'm seeing twists a knot in my gut. "Stop. Oh you're a mess. SHIT RAPHAEL! WHAT HAPPENED?" I run my finger lightly around the massive cauterized slash in his bridge, the severity of his wound striking a chord of fear within me.

"Zoe, I'm fine." He shrugs.

I clench my teeth and glare at him, "Stop being so, so - This is _NOT_ FINE!"

He's staring at me, still seemingly carefree. Suddenly I remember our baby. My hand flies down to my belly and he smiles.

"Good?" I ask searching his face.

"Good. Come here." He reaches for me and I don't want him to hurt himself more so I crawl in bed next to him, curling up on his good side, resting my head against his shoulder. Tracing my fingers along the ridges of his plastron, I let them slide off the edges and gently run them across the tender flesh between his plastron and carapace. The energy radiating from beneath my fingertips is static, filled with my life force, somehow I can feel his responding and the sensation radiates up to reach into me.

He makes a low guttural rumble, "Stop Z-"

The energy builds up inside me like water seeking its path, finding its way to my eyes slipping down my cheeks. "I was out longer than you. Wasn't I?"

He frowns, "Yea, a couple days."

I know he can feel my tears dripping onto his plastron. He gently stops my moving fingers and holds my hand in his. All of that electricity is trapped now, there, between our hands. It's welling and burning.

"I let you go Raph. I ddddidn't want to- I didn't think I was ever going to find my way back. I couldn't- It took me forever to find you." I stammer as the tears flow more freely, torn between surrendering to the weight of my emotions and fighting them off. "I can feel you now, but I'm leaving the pain portion of our bond off. I need you to not reach for it. With everything we have at risk right now," I shook my head, "I didn't want to, this isn't what I wanted but-"

"Stop Z," he sighs, "I know. I wanted you to and I understand." He releases my hand and slides his fingers over my side, gently sweeping over my belly. "It's fine, I'm glad you did."

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that," I push myself up and look in his eyes, "I didn't want to do it. And I wouldn't have, but I think you put that thought in me. I could feel you push me away-"

His eyes were so open, so soft, so filled with everything I've ever dreamed of. "Shhh, come here, your killin' me." He tugs me back to him and I close my eyes breathing him in, relishing the comfort his presence provides me, grateful that we've all survived this ordeal.

We must've slept for hours. At least _I_ was sleeping. I open my eyes again and he's actually rolled onto his good side, is resting his head in his hand, propped up with his arm. Of course he's looking at me again. He always does that. Sometimes he wakes me up. Sometimes I ignore him. Sometimes I get lucky enough to do it to him. He hates it, or he acts like he does. Hell he probably likes it and hates that.

I draw my eyebrows together and stretch. "Why are you looking at me like that? Why hasn't anybody tried to wake us up? Where the kids? Oh, did April have her baby?"

He chuckles and suddenly he's hovering over me resting his weight on his forearms. "Hmmm, what do you wanna know first?" He plants feathery kisses along my brow and down the side of my face before he grazes his teeth over my earlobe and again on my jaw. Then he hovers around my neck slightly behind my ear. His breath heats my flesh and I gasp.

"Uh, what? Wwwhat?" It's so hard to think when he does that.

"I'm showing you why I'm lookin at ya, so shut up." His voice resonates in my chest and my heart jerks. His lips find mine and we seek each other, mouths reaching, tongues grazing, always wanting, ever so greedy, softly, then harder, before I nip his lip. A rumble escapes from his chest and he breaks away, nudging my head to the side as he slips down to my collarbone to nip me back. I squirm beneath him as his fingers brush over my breasts, rolling them in his hands, his face sliding between them, consuming me in a trail of kisses. He reaches a hand under my hip and brings his lips to my belly, kissing my skin and whispering, "Hello there." I shudder and writhe, wanting to be as close to him as I can get and frantic to get beyond the torture he enjoys making me endure. He chuckles, "What's wrong Z? I'm tryin to talk to our son, here." My hand flies down to his face and slides under his jaw pulling him up to me.

"It's a boy?" I gasp.

He slides back up, resting his weight on his forearms again, lightly pressing his lower plastron against me. "Uh-huh MMMM… shell and all," he looks in my eyes and I stroke his skin between his carapace and plastron again. It tickles him. He hates it and growls at me. "I'm bein so nice to ya. I'm answerin' all ya questions and you go n do this." He shakes his head at me and grins wickedly. He slides back down, taking his lips and nibbling on my ribs, which tickles me, making me squirm more.

"Ah, ah stop it. Stop! Ah," I wiggle and giggle like a little girl and before I know it he's plunging into me and we're dissolving into each other. We've intertwined our flesh, green and pink, hard and soft, warm and cool, tears and laughter, trust and safety, needing and wanting, pushing and pulling. I'm lost in him and he in me, from where we are nothing can touch us. He is my foundation and I am his. He's let me in. With me he is unguarded because he knows it's safe here and I feel it most when he's inside me. He looks in my eyes and I'm consumed, completely and utterly shattered.

He shutters and rests his face against mine, "I will never get enougha you."

"And I you, Big Guy and I you."

He rolls over and groans a bit then growls in frustration.

"You probably shouldn't have done all that."

"If I don't get outta this bed I'm gonna be useless. My muscles are stiff. I needed a workout." He rolls his massive frame back toward me.

"You and me both, but I don't think that was the kinda workout you needed. I sure liked it though." I kiss his cheek and he smiles.

"April had a girl, Rachel. She's cute. Don's been up here, done an ultrasound on you twice. He's also given you your injections. Karai and Leo are taking care of our Littles. You've eaten, showered, all that stuff, but you keep going back to bed. You're kinda like a zombie." He runs a hand along my cheek and I sense worry from him, "Z, you've been up here over a week."

I swallow hard, my heart suddenly frantic, "What?"

"Don's trying to figure it out. I'm supposed to get him now that you're awake. He wants to talk to us together." He frowns, pulls me against him and kisses the top of my head.

I opt to shift the topic away from myself, "Rachel, huh? Cute name." I'm not in pain and don't feel sick. I'm probably just tired from growing a baby and the whole ordeal…. _But over a week?_ I climb from the bed and reach out a hand to him, "Come on, I want to go meet her."

He climbs to his feet and I reach for the doorknob just as a knock comes against it. I open it to face Donatello.

"Hi Donnie, congrats on Rachel, we were just coming down to-"

Donnie frowns at me then glances at Raph who's standing behind me. "Zoe, you need to get back in bed."

I flinch, disarmed by the severity of his tone. "I feel fine, Don."

"I need to talk to you both." He looks at Raph again, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I needed to be sure." His arms are full with the ultrasound equipment he uses. "And I've been busy checking out Karai and Exodus."

I feel my eyebrows come together, "What's wrong with the girls?"

"Can you guys let me in? I need to set this up," He ignores my question.

Raph steps back, wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me with him. He doesn't let me go but pulls me closer to him.

"Donatello what's wrong with the girls?" I ask again, watching as he starts setting up his equipment. My palms are damp and I wipe them against my sleep-shorts.

"I'm more worried about you than I am them. They'll be fine in about seven months." He shakes his head and looks at me. "Your cycles all lined up. I always thought this might happen."

I feel the corners of my mouth turn up, "You're kidding me. They're not."

Donatello sighs.

"Wait, Exodus was supposed to be sterile. How is this possible?"

Don fiddles with his equipment, "It's like she's evolved since being around you, Karai and April. Her body literally underwent changes. I've been running some tests but it's like she wasn't fully matured and now she is. It's wild. You hybrids are just- Wow."

"I'll take that as a compliment." I grin, "This is awesome and crazy. Wow. There will be six kids in our family soon."

Donatello sighs again.

"What's wrong Don?" Raph asks his brother and I feel his fingers tightening around my arm.

"I think I should show you. Zoe, do you mind?" Don opens his hand and gestures for me to lie down on the bed.

Raph loosens his grip on me.

"Sure Donnie. What's going on?" I lie down on Raph's side of the bed, inch up my shirt and slide my shorts down a little further on my hips. This isn't my first, or even second baby, so it's all routine to me now.

Don squirts the cool gel over my abdomen and I feel goose-bumps cross my flesh. When he presses a small black wand against my skin a frantic beating sound fills the room.

It doesn't sound like either Anton or Andrea's heartbeats did. Raph and I look from each other to Donatello.

"What the-" Raph moves to look at the screen as Don guides the wand over my belly.

"There's one," he holds the wand and taps some buttons on the keyboard then moves the wand again, "there's another," he moves the wand again, "and there's another." He taps the keyboard again and moves the wand to yet a different spot. "From right here and if I do this," he clicks a few buttons, "now you can see all three of them."

Raph and I are staring at the screen where three individual shell shapes are clearly visible. "You've got to be kidding me." I manage to choke out.

Raph sways.

"Oh shit, Zoe!" Don drops the wand and snatches me from the bed right as Raphael collapses right where I was lying.

Donatello stands me up and looks over his brother.

"Is he okay? Is it his wound or the… the… I'm sorry, three. Three, really?" I feel really lightheaded and Don grabs me again, sitting me down next to Raph.

"It's a lot. I know. Trust me. It was hard to not say something to Raph when I figured it out a couple days ago, after I'd done your second ultrasound. I thought something was strange on the first one but I couldn't see them clearly. Now there just a bit bigger and it's clear." Don still has a hand behind my back as if I might fall over.

I sit staring at the frozen image on the screen. I'd swear it was a mistake if I wasn't looking at it myself. "Don, how am I going to deliver-" I glance up at him.

His amber eyes are darting over my face. "That's exactly what I'm worried about."

I look back at the image again. _Three shells._ "They're all boys." My heart pounds, Anton will have brothers. I look up at Donatello, "What do we need to do?"

His mouth falls open, "Zoe, I don't know if-" he stops himself and looks over at Raph. "We should wake him up. It's not his wound it's the shock of- uh- it's shock." He looks over at our nightstand and grabs the glass of water off of it then tosses it on Raph.

"What the-" Raph sits up quickly, wiping the water off his face. He looks around, teeth clenched, nostrils flaring. As he gets his bearings, scanning over Don's face, then mine, his jaw releases and his breathing settles. He looks from me to the screen. Don and I don't move while he processes.

Several minutes pass before Raph looks at Donatello. "This is not good."

Don frowns, "No."

What? What? My teeth clench, I stand up, throw my hands on my hips and glare at them. "Fuck you both." I throw open the bedroom door and storm downstairs.

"Zoe!" They both yell after me.

I don't want to hear from either one of them. And damn trying to get away from them. _Fuck._

"Zoe!" They yell again.

I feel our families eyes fall on me from various places around the living area of the lair. Mike and Exodus are playing with Antonello and Andrea on the floor. Karai is holding Rachel while April fishes through a diaper bag. Splinter emerges from the kitchen holding a cup of tea. Leo stands beside him.

My eyes dart over them. Andrea and Antonello squeal at the sight of me but I shake my head and Mike and Exodus wrap an arm around each of them quickly. I bolt for the lair door.

"Leo, stop her!" I hear Raph yelling as the door shuts behind me. He's slower than usual with his injury, which should give me a few seconds lead.

Thankfully I've got Cheetah speed because I want to be alone and I hate the confines of sewer tunnels. I bolt for the nearest exit and scale the ladder quickly, but I struggle with the manhole cover.

"Zoe!" Leo's hand wraps around my ankle. He doesn't pull but he's clearly not going to let go either.

"Let me go, Leo." I stop struggling with the cover and swallow. My body is trembling.

"Zoe wait, just wait. What's going on?"

It dawns on me, as I look into his wide blue eyes, that maybe he doesn't know. "Get me out of here Leo." Tears slide down my cheeks, "Please, please, before he catches up to us. Please."

He nods and ascends the ladder, wrapping an arm around my waist, taking me with him. Moving the cover aside he carries me from the sewer. We emerge street-side into the crisp early autumn night air. "Zoe we can't be out long. The Foot are on the move again and we've had some run-ins with a few hybrids. That's how Raph got hurt." Leo doesn't put me down, but makes his way to a fire escape in a nearby alley and carries me with him to the rooftop.

"Stockman?" I ask as he sets me on my feet.

"He's working with that other scientist you named… what was it?" Leo's head snapped up suddenly before he pulls me behind him, moving us behind a utility closet.

He must've sensed something. I check in emotionally and feel Raph. Damn it. With our bond I should've know he was going to find me in no time.

"Zoe!" He yells for me.

Already?

"Zoe, please, no one is going to hurt you." Donatello at least tries to sound calmer than my obviously frantic mate.

I scoff and Leo looks down at me, obviously confused. "What's going on, Zoe?"

"Leo, if you're helping her hide, you're contributing to the risk of her life. Come out Brother." Donatello's voice is edging on panic now and it rocks Leo.

"What is he talking about?" Leo hisses at me.

"I'm fine Leo."

He shakes his head before he snatches me up, carrying me straight to Raph.

"Put me down," I say through clenched teeth and Leo places me on my feet.

"What the hell are you doin'?" Raph snaps at me.

Don and Leo step back and to the side, but do not leave, which is unusual because when Raph and I fight everyone usually clears out.

"When were you going to tell me how you got hurt? Or were you just planning on distracting me every time I asked?" I yell at him, jabbing a finger in his plastron.

He grabs my hand and holds on to it. "Not now Zoe."

"Really? Well then when? The Foot are looking for me again aren't they? I'm not stupid Raphael. You start making regular trips here, without me, and instead of a couple days you're gone for a week at a time. You come here twice as much as we used to. All of you are getting hurt more often and much worse. So, what is it, are Isaac and Stockman working together now? What, they've hired The Foot to look for us?"

"Sounds like you don't need me to tell you anything." Raph hisses shooting a glare in his older brother's direction, "Thanks, Leo."

Leo doesn't back down from that, speaking in his typically calm tone, "She has a right to know what's going on Raph. What, do you think she's not going to ask questions? And we all need to keep our voices down. We're exposed here."

Raph clenches his teeth, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, struggling for control, all the while he never lets go of my hand.

"We need to get her home Raph." Don looks ready to snatch me up himself and I think he needs to relax. It's not like I'm giving birth right now for crying out loud.

"Shhh," Leo looks around, surveying the rooftop. I catch glimpse of some shadows moving on the rooftop across from us. As they move closer Raph pulls me into him, then guides me behind him.

He's not well enough to fight right now. When will I ever learn not to overreact and run off?

We draw back into the darkest corner of the roof, Don and Leo taking the front which is where Raph would rather be.

The shadows grow clearer and I peek from behind Raphael's shell to see two Foot ninja surveying the roof. Raphael's grip on my hand tightens. I reach up and wrap the fingers of my free hand around one of his sai. His free hand grabs mine and he glances back at me, shaking his head.

I roll my eyes and release the weapon. He wraps his hand around it and we watch the scouts move closer.

Leo and Don each attack one, knocking them out in seconds.

"Let's go, there will be more." Leo motions his head at us, but Raph has already spun me around and snatched me up.

He doesn't talk to me as we make our way back home and I don't care, I don't want to talk about it anyway. As Raph carries me into the lair, Donatello is already barking orders at us.

"Take her straight back to bed. We need to finish our talk." Don's never sounded so hard before. I don't like it.

"Put me down." I look up at Raph who ignores me, the worry on his face sends an ache within me and in a gentle voice I tell him again, "I said put me down." I reach out a hand to touch his cheek and he freezes. His eyes close and I hear him take a sharp breath, as if I'd hit him. "Put me down Raphael, please." But instead of honoring my request, he pulls me tighter against him and carries me straight upstairs to our room. He doesn't stop until he kicks the door shut behind him.

He stands there holding me, and his emotions roll through me. The roller coaster that is Raphael is a familiar one to me. For the five years we've been together. For the way we are similar creatures in behavior and for the way we are bonded. I feel his anger radiate off him, but it quells in the wake of his love which is a fierce barrier strong enough to protect us both. What is uncharacteristic for him, and I've only seen it as many times as I can count on one hand is fear. The only thing that scares him is the thought of losing a family member. That's it, there is nothing else… well maybe cockroaches but that's different.

"Zoe, whatever Don tells us to do is what we have to do." He sets me to my feet slowly and keeps one hand on either of my arms, holding me to face him.

I don't respond because there's a knock on the door. "Raph, I need to talk to you two," Donnie says through the door.

Donatello isn't usually this insistent. He's worried over me with both Antonello and Andrea and he worried over April even more with Rachel. I understand. There's hardly anything normal or textbook about mutant, hybrid or even human pregnancies. There's always something odd. With Antonello I was unusually mean the entire pregnancy and his birth was very hard on my body. With Andrea everything went so smooth, I barely knew I was pregnant, her birth was easy and I recovered quickly. April's pregnancy went pretty well too, she just cried a lot and craved barbecue chicken. But both of the easier pregnancies were in the delivery of baby girls and they both appeared human.

Raph moves me out of his way, but keeps one hand wrapped around my wrist, as he opens the door and lets Donatello in.

Don looks at his brother and I can see the bleak outlook in his eyes.

My blood heats up and I jerk my hand, trying to get it away from Raph's grasp, but he isn't letting me get away twice.

"Knock it off Zoe." He tugs gently trying to get me to stop my struggle. His voice has an odd even tone to it that leaves the impression of a rock sinking in my heart.

I hate this. I hate the way they are looking at me.

"You're both scaring me. Stop fucking looking at me like that!" I stop struggling and look away from them.

"You should be scared. Zoe, you're life is in danger." Don takes a step towards me and I feel his fingers hover over my shoulder. "I don't even know where to begin with this. Please look at me."

I shake my head and bite my trembling lip. I'm not going to crack, I'm not. But if he touches me and Raph won't let me go…

"I can't look at either of you right now because you won't give me any space." I hold up the hand that Raph has in his grip and wave it, "and I need some space!"

"Zoe he can't give you any space. You can't run from this. You don't have any time to waste." Don's voice is a soft, sad, whisper.

My blood runs cold and I inhale sharply, my stomach plummeting. I turn slowly, ignoring Raphael completely, fixing my gaze on Donnie. "What are you implying Donatello?" My voice sounds strange even to me. It sounds strained, or braced.

He looks me dead in the eyes, "You know what I'm saying."

I reach back with my free hand and deck him as hard as I can. The punch throws him back but he rights himself quickly. But when I try to launch myself at him Raph snatches me up. His voice stops me. It's never sounded this way before. He sounds… broken. "Zoe. Stop, please, stop. Please." I look away from the purple clad brother, raising his arms to shield himself, to Raphael's face. Tears slide freely down his cheeks, he blinks and looks away from me, taking a deep shuddering breath.

I try to swallow the sick feeling rising up from my turning stomach. "You've got me in your arms Raphael. Let my hand go." He takes another pained breath and I feel his grip loosen. I reach up, turn his head to face me and wipe away his tears. "We are not doing anything to hurt these babies so stop." He looks into my eyes and I hurt for him. He's at my mercy. I'm sorry for that, but I won't be swayed and he knows it. "Put me down Raphael, please."

Reluctantly he sets me to my feet. I take one of his massive green hands into my own, then turn to face Donatello while wrapping Raph's arm around me at the same time.

"Donatello, we are not going to hurt them. I'm prepared to give my life to get them here."

Don's eyes close and I hear Raph gasp as if I've knocked the air from him.

"Why? You have two babies already. Zoe, what will they do without you?" Donatello can't help pressing me.

"Because, Antonello will finally have brothers, others who look like him and are what he is. There's nothing I won't do to give that to him." It's the whole reason Raph and I decided to have a third baby. Anton is lonely. He loves his uncles but he longs for another child like himself and it's no secret to any of us.

"He has us," Don replies.

"You know it's not the same Donnie. You're adults." I shake my head and stroke Raph's arm with my fingers.

"There's no guarantee any of you will make it," Don whispers.

"I'm willing to risk it, so both of you just stop. I feel fine. I say we just go on as normal." I continue tracing Raph's arm, hoping it's quelling some of his fears but doubting it.

"Zoe, I don't know how you can even deliver them." He looks at Raph, who looks away, "you'll probably need a caesarean. I don't know if I can do that and keep you from getting a secondary infection." He reaches out a hand to stop my moving fingers and I feel Raph stiffen and look at his brazen younger brother.

"Donatello, I know you're just trying to help, but I need to talk to Raph alone please." I look into his amber eyes and he moves his hand off of mine. "You're not going to change my mind Donnie, so either decide to try and do your best to help me, or leave me to die. That choice is yours. What happens to these babies is mine," I look into Raph's eyes, "and mine alone."

I hear the bedroom door close behind me. Raph's eyes glisten with fresh tears and he shakes his head. His arms are around me but they loosen as he steps back from me and looks at the punching bag in the corner of the room. He scoffs.

"What is it?" I ask softly, watching him carefully. I grant him the space he's just taken because I wanted it myself earlier and wished he had enough faith in me to give it to me when I asked for it.

"I always thought someone would take you from me at some point. Or that you'd leave or maybe I'd eventually die protecting ya. I mean no one is actually together forever because there is no forever." He shakes his head again, it's a slow sad movement and his eyes show a depth beyond the punching bag he's staring at. It's an odd thing for him to have such things to say. He always struggles with words, but at this moment, it's as if he's resigned himself to my fate. He looks at me, "I never thought you'd go out like this."

"For Gods sakes Raph, I'm not dead. Don't tell me you're going to retreat inside yourself and put up a wall between us for the next seven months!" I take a step towards him and he steps back. He turns and leaves the room without looking back. I'm not surprised to hear the lair door slam shut behind him.

I leave the room and head for the stairs.

"Let me carry you," Donatello says, and I find him leaning against the wall outside of our bedroom.

"I'm fine Don. I can walk. I swear I feel fine." I glance down into the living area and see it's empty. I look at Donatello and see a mix of emotions in his eyes.

"Fine. But I'm going to research everything I can on multiple births and cesarean's. If you want me to get behind you in this then you have to agree to do whatever I ask you to do. I won't put my neck on the line for you if you're not going to team up with me." He puts a hand on each of my shoulders and looks me in the eyes, "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

"We're a team, teams work together not against each other. I can't do whatever I want just because I think it's okay."

He nods, "Don't let me down Zoe."

"Don't let me die Donnie." I try to smile at him but he shakes his head.

"I'll try not to." He rubs his face, "God I hope you all don't go into labor at the same damn time. I'm going to start researching birth control. This is getting to be too much."

I laugh a little and he finally cracks a small smile.

"So where is everyone else?" I look over the lair and absorb the small but noticeable changes that have occurred in the last five years. There's now a pack and play behind the couch and children's toys scattered everywhere. Crayon drawings of the brothers with my kids hang on the walls, and baby blankets are strewn across the couch. My heart is full, I'm happy, and if I can give this gift to my son, my life will be complete.

"They're in the dojo waiting for the all clear," Donatello answered.

"Do they know what's going on?" I take a step towards the stairs.

"No. We need a family meeting because in addition to your news, Karai and Exodus, there's a threat we all need to discuss too. But we can't have a meeting without Raph." Don steps alongside me.

"He'll be back. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid." I look to the lair door.

"He won't. With you at risk, he won't risk himself because of the kids." Don rests a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"I guess you're right." I look back at him, "You know what Donnie, I'm going to just lay down if it's okay with you. This whole thing has wiped me out."

"That sounds like a good idea Zoe. All of this will still be here when you wake up."

I offer him a small smile as I retreat back to my room. I do suddenly feel drained. A nap might help.


	5. Chapter 5

**Raphael**

I want to run across the rooftops until I find someone to fight. But I can't. At the very least I want to run until I'm exhausted. But I can't do that either. I love my family but at the same time they bind me. Every decision I make affects them and I can't just do what I want anymore. So I'm pacing a rooftop near the lair trying to sort this shit out.

I don't mind a fight and I like it even better when Zoe's by my side. She's a great partner. At first I thought to keep her away from any kind of danger, but she's been fighting as long as I have and it becomes part of you. Probably not a good thing, but we've embraced who we are. Besides, someone's always trying to kill us, tear us apart from each other, or haul us off to some lab to study us. We have to fight, to survive. So in the end I decided to take her with me and she never let me down.

But Antonello has been lonely and it's weighed on our hearts. So we decided to try for another baby in hopes of a boy. No sooner does she tell me she's pregnant when Don tells us there's unusual activity in New York, people disappearing, sightings of people that look like they're half animal, an increase in Foot activity. They're looking for her again, so my brothers and I started making trips back to keep the fight here. We don't want them to find the farmhouse. We'd have no place left to go.

Shit. I have to get her back to the farm before someone finds her. She scared the shit out of me leaving the lair like she did. I'm glad we're bonded and I can find her anywhere, and until she'd shut if off if she was hurt I could feel that too. It had sucked when she was in labor with Andrea, but she quickly realized I would be more useful if I didn't share in her labor pains and managed to shut if off until Drea' made her appearance.

It figures, the one time we decide to have a baby on purpose and it goes all fucking wrong.

Three. Three. Three. I rub my face and keep pacing. "I can't believe this." It would be awesome for Anton to have three brothers to grow up with, but not at the cost of Zoe's life. A life she is so ready to lay down to give them to him. I hate this feeling. This choking, can't breathe, lump in my throat, stomach in knots feeling. I need to beat someone up. Bad.

She was right when she said I was going to put up a shield and treat her like she was already dead. It was impulsive and I was ready to do it. I need to protect my… heart. If I just expect the worst, by the time it happens I will be used to the feeling already. Then I can continue to function for our kids.

My knees feel weak and my chest hurts.

Zoe is my base. She keeps me grounded, and more level-headed than I've ever been in my life. But at the same time any risk that befalls her threatens to break me. She won't change her mind. We all know that. Once she's made a decision and spoken it, it will be. The only thing left to do once she's gone there is to get behind her and support her. Can I support her in something that might kill her?

"Wouldn't be the first time she's forced me to do just that," I say to myself.

I stare out at the New York City skyline, watching it grow lighter with the threat of daybreak. Jesus, who else in the world sees a sunrise as a threat?

I have to go home. I have to beat this fear out of me, I need a workout. I will be there for her and do what I can. Fuck. This is so out of my hands. I can't protect her from this. The only thing I can do is help her and I feel like I'm helping her die. Fuck. "I hope you can pull off a miracle Donnie." Well if anyone could, it'd be him… or Zoe. "I've got to go home."

**Zoe**

I miss our red blanket. It's still at the farmhouse. Since this trip wasn't planned I didn't get to bring it with me. I've opted for two other comforts in the absence of Raphael and the favored blanket. I piled on Andrea and Antonello. We don't usually let them sleep with us unless they've had a nightmare but I need some kind of comfort and they are happy to oblige.

I breathe in Drea's heavenly, clean baby scent. She's two, but still smells like a new baby to me. It's euphoric and soothes me all the way through to my heart. Every inhale of her hair just makes me want to cuddle her even tighter. She's just beautiful. They say she looks like me, but I've never considered myself beautiful. Although Andrea does have my red hair, her eyes are blue instead of my gray. She's a sassy and chatty little girl, who's drooling in her sleep. I smile, breathing her in once again.

Antonello has draped himself across my legs, using them as his pillow. He's gotten so big already. I lift my chin and look down at the back of his emerald green head and stroke his carapace. He's a sweet boy but he has a fiery temper and a short fuse. We work hard to help him manage it. It's not as if we don't have a lifetime of experience dealing with our own, but when you're young it's hard to contain yourself. It's especially difficult for Anton because he's the only one like him and he knows it. His father and uncles do everything they can to help him, but what can you say? It's a hard truth and a terrible burden for someone so young… No, you can't go make friends with the girl at the farm down the street, and no you can't go to the store with Mommy or your aunts. His whole world is filled with 'no's' that no other child would have to endure. And there's plenty of no's that every child should hear, but the one's Anton is dealing with, they aren't. Raph moved us to the farmhouse so Anton could feel the sun on his face, so he could go outside during the day and it forced me to reflect on what Raph's childhood must've been like hidden in the sewers. But at least he had his brothers. I suddenly feel the desperate urge to hold Antonello in my arms but I won't risk waking either of them.

The bedroom door cracks open and I see Raph slip in. He stands over us and I reach a hand up to him, my heart aching to ease his hurt. He slips his fingers around mine and I whisper, "Come on Big Guy."

He takes off his knee and elbow pads, utility belt and mask, and slips in bed behind me. He runs his fingers over Drea's hair then touches his son's carapace. Finally he kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry I left." His lips are to my ear and his voice resonates throughout me whirling inward and settling in the middle of my chest.

"It's okay. I understand."

"Zoe, if you're going to do this… and I know you are-" His voice cracks and he swallows, "I'm here for you."

I lean into his plastron, turn my head to look in his eyes, and with my free hand stroke his cheek.

He leans down and kisses me ever so gently first on my lips and then again on my forehead.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, I want to go down steps. I want to go down steps." Andrea's sweet voice is nice to wake up to, but it's insistent and she expects immediate results.

I groan.

"Mommy, I want to go down steps. I want to go down steps Mommy." She puts her chubby hands on my face and pokes on my eyelids, "I want to go-"

"Okay, okay Drea', gees." I pull her hands from my face and open my eyes. Raph and Antonello are both gone.

"Where's Daddy and Anton?" I ask her.

"Don't know. Maybe they're down steps. I want to go down steps. Mommy, I want to go-"

"Shhh, I heard you. We'll go down in just a minute." I move her to the side and climb out of the bed. I grab a diaper from the drawer of the nightstand and change her quickly, then pop her on my hip, pause in the hall bathroom to wash my hands, and head for the stairs.

Donatello was on his way up and takes her from me, "Don't carry them up and down the stairs. And don't pick Antonello up at all."

I open my mouth to protest but he's ahead of me.

"You promised Zoe."

I roll my eyes and sigh, "Fine. She wants to go downstairs."

"Fine," he snaps back at me.

I head straight for the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

When I reach the kitchen, April is sitting at the table holding Rachel.

"Can I please see that beautiful girl? I'm the only one who hasn't met her yet." I smile at my friend and take a seat next to her.

Mike and Exodus are floating around making breakfast.

"Mornin Z." They chirp together.

"Good morning you two," I smile at them.

"Of course you can hold her Zoe. Here," She hands the newborn over to me and I all but squeal.

"April she's gorgeous!" I take in her red hair, brown eyes and little opening and closing mouth. She really is perfect.

"Thanks, she's really good so far too." April takes a glass of orange juice from Exodus and looks at me.

"What's going on with you and Raph, and why is Donatello so involved in it?"

I shake my head, "You don't know?"

"No. None of us do." April looks at Exodus who glances at Mike, who's intently flipping pancakes and I suspect that he, at least, does.

I look around and realize I haven't seen Raph, Anton, Leo or Karai. "Where is everyone and where did Donnie go with my daughter?"

"They're in the dojo. We're supposed to have a family meeting after breakfast. Everyone else already ate." Mike munches on a piece of bacon, then tosses several pancakes on a plate and hands it to X.

"Did Drea' eat while I was in the bathroom?" I rub my eyes and take the plate Exodus offers me.

"Don made her a plate and took it in the dojo with her." Exodus answered me, sitting down to inhale her breakfast.

I smile widely at her, "I heard rumor that you and Karai…"

Exodus long blond hair hung freely down her back, she shoved a stray lock out of her eyes and blushed, "Yeah, pretty amazing huh?"

"I'd say so. I'm so happy for you both." I glance at my orange clad brother who can't help himself.

"I'm so pumped! This is going to be awesome! We'll have a bunch of kiddo's running around here… or the farmhouse… It's going to be so much fun!" He has a mountain of pancakes on his plate as he slides into a chair next to Exodus and proceeds to devour them.

I bite my lip. Is he nuts? It was crazy enough when it was just the four of them and three of us girls. It was great when we brought Exodus home and they hit it off, like I knew they would. We had Anton before that and he was a handful by himself. There's nothing not chaotic about our family. The fact that we all will have our individual families within it and still live together, that's unheard of. And there's only one true human among us, Karai, who has a story all her own, one that I've yet to get out of her. Come to think of it we all have a story to tell. Hell even April is half mutant.

"Uh-Zoe?" April nudges me gently and I sit back up and hold Rachel closer.

"Oh my God, April did I fall asleep holding her?" I hand the baby over to her and stand up quickly.

"No, you were just dozing off. Are you okay?" She takes the now sleeping newborn, her blue eyes appraising me.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I pick up my plate and set it on the kitchen counter.

"You hardly ate anything Zoe." Mike protests as he took his, Exodus and April's plates to the sink behind me.

"It'll be fine Mike." I rub my eyes. "I could really use a cup of coffee."

"No you couldn't. No caffeine." Donatello has slipped in, taking Rachel from April while he barks at me. "Come on, we're ready."

April, Mike and X slip out of the kitchen while Donatello waits back for me.

"Stop biting my head off Donatello. I'm not a criminal." I motion for him to go.

"You're right, you're not. I gave Raph a list of what you should not do. I did some research and you're probably going to be fine until twenty weeks. From there it's going to get harder."

"Don, can you just try to relax? We have some time."

He doesn't say anything, and we make our way into the dojo where our family is all sitting on the floor.

I look straight at Karai and grin. She looks back at me and rolls her eyes. I take a seat between her and Raph. Leonardo is playing with Anton and he looks at me as I sit down. He knows. I can tell just from looking at him. The four of them have probably met with Splinter and already talked about everything we're getting ready to discuss. Hell they've probably already made all of the decisions and we're pretty much just being informed.

Raph is trying to get pancake syrup from Andrea's face with a baby wipe and she's screaming.

"Stop it! I do it myself! I do it myself!" She keeps pushing his hand away and he's laughing at her.

"You missed a spot Drea', stop. Let me get it off!" He tickles her ribs, when she starts to giggle he swipes her face, then she screams again. He's finally satisfied with the lack of sticky mess and drops the baby wipe onto her half eaten plate and slides it against the wall behind us.

"Good morning." I smile at him.

He reaches out, wrapping a huge arm around me. He pulls me close, kisses my cheek, but says nothing.

"Okay, everyone settle down." Leo stands up and we all grow quiet. Splinter has let Leo lead us completely on his own for several years now. The boys consult with their father privately about anything major and Leo always presents us with their decisions.

"Settle down!" Antonello echoes his uncle, and Leo smiles at him.

"Thanks Buddy."

"Settle down Uncle Leo!" Drea stands up at points her finger at him, placing one hand on her hip.

At this point Raph and I are trying not to laugh but Mike and Exodus are rolling.

"Right. Okay, thanks Andrea. I'm settled." Leo laughs, "Okay so it's been a busy two weeks. As crazy as it sounds we've all been here, but not in the same room at the same time, and we have a lot to talk about." Leo looks at Karai who rolls her chestnut eyes.

"Please Leo, everyone knows. Can we move on to some real news?" Karai leans back and they engage in a battle of wills, with only the exchange of a look.

"Karai and I are having a baby," Leo says anyway, unable to contain the grin on his face.

Mike whoops and Exodus cheers. Donatello looks exhausted. April and I are smiling at our friend who is shifting uncomfortably under all of the attention. She glares daggers at Leo who can only smile back at her.

"And so are Mike and Exodus," Leo continues.

Now Exodus is blushing as we all congratulate them.

"And Raph and Zoe are expecting triplets."

The room falls silent and I want to crawl under a mat.

"Are you serious?" Exodus, Karai and April say at the same time.

I bury my face into Raph's arm. "Kill me now." I mutter.

"Oh you're doing just fine at that by yourself." He says coolly.

I lean back and glare at him, "Fuck you Raphael."

He looks at the punching bag across the room and I realize that it's busted. Really? When did he do that?

"So wait. Are you sure?" April's eyes dart over me then fall on Donatello, "That's what you're so upset about." She gets to her feet as Donnie looks at me. "Zoe, most triplet births are caesarean. How?" She's crossing the floor and coming to stand over me. "Zoe!"

"Wait. Are you saying?" Karai looks at me, then April, and gets to her feet.

"What? What am I missing?" Exodus' voice raises an octave and she gets to her feet, coming to stand over me too.

"Jesus, everybody calm down. I feel fine!" I stand up and look my best friends, my sisters, in their eyes.

"Yeah right now you do. What's it going to be like in a couple weeks?" April grabs my arm.

I stiffen, but try to contain my emotions, "April, let me go."

She complies, but her normally bright blue eyes are shadowed in fear.

"Look here's the truth of the matter girls. Any one of you could need a c-section. I'm not the only one. And you never know everything could go just fine." I look them each in the eye and end with April.

April scoffs, "Are they girls?"

I stare at her. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and I despise it.

"Zoe, are they girls? It's a simple question." She's not backing down, and considering that it's me she's challenging, she must be really worried.

I look away from her.

"They're boys then." She nods her head, "How many of them are boys?"

My eyes narrow.

"Fuck Zoe!"

I look at her, "Everybody, stop! I haven't committed a crime. I've done nothing wrong. The only thing I've done is say that I'm having these babies. That's it. Nothing else. I haven't harmed anyone. I've done nothing to shame myself. I won't be treated like a villain for the next seven months!"

"It's more likely to be five." Donatello states.

April's eyes fill with tears, "Zoe."

"Stop, April, seriously. Just. Stop." I look away from her and feel a lump rising in my own throat. I hate it that everyone is so upset. Why can't they get behind me in this? Don't they understand?

"Well as shocking as that is there's more." Leo, for once, is my reprieve.

The girls turn to face him, "What?" they seem surprised.

"Baxter Stockman and Isaac Shelton have united to try to capture the freed hybrids and are looking for Zoe and Exodus again. They've hired The Foot to help find them. We've known for a couple weeks. It's why we started making more frequent trips here." Leo looks at us then glances to his brothers and they nod.

"What's going on?" I sense that a plan has been devised and we are about to be informed of it.

"We are trying to pinpoint their new base. It doesn't appear to be the same lab you girls came from. Once we find the base we're going to destroy it. But we've decided we have to focus on our family right now. So we're going back to the farmhouse. We'll keep training and just have to monitor it from there. Once all the babies have arrived… We need you girls back in training. This is a family fight and we need all hands. We're going to shut them down once and for all."

That plan doesn't sound bad to me at all, except for one thing… "Uh, Leo who's going to watch eight kids while we all run off to battle?"

"That's why we're having this meeting. We could really use everyone but if any of you don't want to do this, you can choose not to…"

"I have cousins." April looks at Leo. He opens his mouth to protest but she shakes her head. "Leo, I trust them. I will call them and they will come watch the kids till we finish this."

"How many cousins do you have, eight kids is a lot!" Exodus glances at April.

"X, do you want to stay behind?" I ask her, knowing that she hates to fight. That was the focal point of her training with Mike. Overcoming her instinct to flee and control it, and with his help, of course she succeeded.

She regards me with a determined expression on her face, "No. I understand, we really need to finish this and if I'm capable, I want to help."

"I've got three cousins that live together in Florida. I will call them now so they can wrap their heads around everything." April looks in Leo's concerned blue eyes.

"You're sure you can trust them?" He asks her.

"They're my cousins Leo, the only biological family I have left. The truth is they already know about you guys. I had to come clean when I got pregnant. I wasn't sure if we were having a turtle or a human baby, I had to prepare them. They want to meet Rachel anyway."

Leo nods, "It's settled then. Family first. War second. We go home tonight."

When Raph, Mike and Don get to their feet, I know the meeting is over.


	6. Chapter 6

**The Farm House**

**Two Months Later**

**Michelangelo**

"April please, get more Oreo's. Please." Zoe is standing by the front door begging April. She keeps trying to play it off, like the cookies are for the kids, but I know, that's been her craving. The only problem is, Don rations her and Raph enforces it. It sucks because when she doesn't get them she looks even sadder than she does now. "Get like three or four bags of them, please."

April raises her red eyebrows, "And you expect me to believe your feeding your children three or four packages of Oreos? You're usually the healthiest eater out of all of us. I don't think so Zoe."

Zoe frowns, "Please, April. Please. They taste _so_ good and with the snow coming, if you don't get three or four we could run out." She looks absolutely distraught at the idea of being without her treats, I just can't help it. I probably shouldn't but I'm gonna…

"I want some too. I could go for some chocolate and cream deliciousness." I try to help Zoe out. She's been sucking it up like a champ. Exodus and Karai have complained about everything from nausea and headaches, all the way to leg cramps. They've been moody and sometimes downright nasty. Having three pregnant women in the house at the same time is not as much fun as I thought it would be. One thing they have done though is stick together. April on the other hand is getting frustrated with her best friends and their whining. Only Zoe hasn't been, she's taking it on the chin and I think she deserves her cookies. She's not said anything about any of the stuff that Karai and Exodus are complaining about and as big as she is already, I'm sure she's going through it and probably more.

I think maybe she doesn't complain because she doesn't want Don jumping her case anymore than he already does. Raph has kind of gone silent about it all. He's present, but to me, it looks like Zoe's going through this alone. He spends all of his time with Anton and Andrea, or training. That is unless… it's actually Zoe that's putting the distance between them. Hmm _._

"Grab some for me too April." I grin at Zoe and she gives me a pathetic attempt at a smile, her eyes on the other hand are screaming 'thank you' for her.

"Fine Mike, whatever, but you're going to hear it from Raph and Donnie." April rolls her eyes and opens the front door to leave. She looks back at me, "If they get on my case, I'm sending them your way."

"That's fine Babe, no worries." I wave at her and she shakes her head as she closes the door. Exodus is napping upstairs and Karai and Leo have gone for a walk. Karai's not into yoga the way Zoe is, so when Don said no high impact workouts and no lifting, Karai took to walking. It's cold out so I don't think they'll be gone long.

I look at my favorite sister, beyond the ever growing belly and her still slight frame, to settle on her very tired face. Her eyes are underlined with dark circles and her skin is even paler than usual. "Hey Z, feel like watching a flick?"

Her eyes light up and she smiles at me. Finally. There's a flicker of my sister in there. She looks so sad these days. I think she misses Raph. Well the Raph she's used to. The Raph she has right now seems like he's just going through the motions. But if she is shutting him out, that's all she's going to get from him. My heart aches for her, and I wonder why she's steadily building walls around herself.

"Yeah, Mikey, I'd like that." She pulls her long red hair up into a loose knot and comes over to sit next to me on the couch. "What are we going to watch? You pick."

I try not to laugh, because she's totally going to crash before the opening credits are over. Hell, she probably won't make it through the previews. "How about Serenity?" It's her favorite Sci-Fi flick. She loves anything where a girl is kicking ass, and who can blame her? It's hot.

"That sounds perfect Mikey." She stands up, while I'm looking for the movie and asks me, "You want some popcorn?"

Karai and Leo walk in the front door. Exodus appears at the top of the stairs. Andrea, Anton and Raph are right behind Leo and Karai.

"Really? What, everyone wants popcorn?" I quip at their impeccable timing. I pop the movie in and glance at Zoe, "I'll get it you go ahead and take a seat."

"POPCORN!" Andrea and Anton start jumping up and down and flock to their mothers ankles.

"Guys don't hang on your Mom." Raph reaches down and tucks a kid under each arm, depositing them in the play area that lies between the kitchen and living room. "I'll bring you each a bowl when it's ready."

"I can do it Mike." Zoe says, turning and making her way to the pantry to retrieve the kernels. I follow her and get the popcorn maker down for her.

"Oh, popcorn sounds _good_. I'll get the butter." Karai reaches in the fridge and retrieves the salty, creamy goodness.

"What movie are we watching Mike?" Leo asks as he steps around Karai into the refrigerator and starts pulling out cans of Sprite for the girls and Cokes for us guys.

"Serenity," Zoe answers him.

Exodus bounds over to me, blonde hair swaying with her movements, and I pull her to me, kissing her cheek. "What's up Babe?"

"Do you know what sounds amazing?" Her face is lit up, blue eyes bright and shining, as she bounces on her toes, "Chocolate. We need chocolate with our popcorn." She pushes me to the side and invades the pantry in search of her fix. She's so cute, cravings and all, I just want to squeeze her!

Donatello opens the backdoor in stealth mode and we all freeze, noticing he's carrying a sleeping Rachel. He creeps through the kitchen, making eye contact with everyone to let us know that if we wake her, we will be on baby duty.

Exodus is still rooting through the pantry in front of me and doesn't notice him. I'm watching Donnie and I don't see her trying to hand me something. She releases whatever it is near my hand. I sense the shift of the air, but I'm not looking and neither is she.

"Mikey!" Leo calls in a loud whisper.

I look to see what it is and at the same time X turns around.

"What?" She bumps into me and I hear glass breaking.

Everyone seems to stop breathing, looking at Donatello who is seething. Rachel's arms bolt straight up in the air and she starts screaming.

I take a step back and my shell is pressing against the pantry door, as I hold up my hands in surrender, "Sorry Dude, my bad."

Don walks around the glass and places Rachel in my arms, "Good luck." He puts a palm over his face and storms out the back door.

I look down at the shrieking baby, "Awww you're so cute. Why are you so mad? Don't cry Rach. Don't cry." I tickle her and make faces, and finally she starts cooing. "That's better. Here go to X while I clean up this glass."

I look at Exodus to hand the baby to her, but she's crying.

My heart sinks, is she okay? "Babe, what's wrong?" I reach out to her but she smacks my hand.

"You dropped the chocolate chips! That's all the chocolate we had Michelangelo!" She shakes her head and steps over the glass, storming out of the kitchen.

I look around the room and Leo is laughing. Karai is glaring at him. Raph is shaking his head. Zoe is pouring popcorn kernels into the popcorn maker and doesn't even look up.

"Can somebody hold the baby while I clean this up?" I plead, looking at them.

"I'll take her." Leo offers and Karai's death stare dissolves. He takes the baby and I clean up the mess as Zoe portions out three large bowls of popcorn and two small ones for her kids. Raph takes the Littles their bowls and turns on a kid movie for them in the play area. We all settle in on the couch.

Right as I'm about to press play, Exodus creeps back down the stairs. I wait, wondering if her mood swing has passed. She looks at me with her adorable pouty lips and big doe like blue eyes. My gaze falls over her long fair blond hair, which rests at her waist right where her baby bump is. My heart swells, she's so beautiful. "Come on Babe, I saved you a spot next to me."

She smiles and curls up to my side. As the opening credits roll I look around the room at my brothers and their girls and I see them looking around too.

"Didn't even make it through the opening credits," Leo smiles and scoops up a sleeping Karai.

"Mine didn't even make it through the previews," Raph picks up Zoe.

I sit the popcorn bowl on the floor and gather Exodus up. "I think that was like the shortest movie date ever."

**Leonardo**

**Two Weeks Later**

Two of my brothers are in an infinitely foul mood. It's pretty typical for Raph but not so much Donatello. He's under a lot of stress trying to be a doctor to three pregnant women, one of which is carrying a set of triplets that threaten to be the end of her. And I'm not going to lie. The three of them are wearing us all out. Between them, the baby, and the toddlers, I think war might be easier. No wonder Master Splinter meditates more now than ever.

Right now I'm observing a potential disaster unfold before me. Raph, Mike, Don and I are standing in the middle of the living room watching April, Exodus, Karai and Zoe head straight for an out and out showdown and I think _we_ see it coming but I don't think _they_ do.

"Get out of the bathroom Exodus! I've got to pee!" Karai pounds on the downstairs bathroom door.

"Go upstairs Karai, you're not the only one who has to pee every fifteen minutes!" Exodus yells back.

"How long does it take to pee?" Karai bounces up and down with one hand under her growing belly. "Jesus, baby move off Mommy's bladder. Shit. Zoe why didn't you ever tell us how bad being pregnant can suck? You always just floated around, glowing." Karai looks over her shoulder at Zoe, who's trying to remain unnoticed as she makes her way through the living room with her Oreo's and milk.

"Suck it up Karai," Zoe snaps. I think she had more to say but she's been unusually quiet for a couple months now.

"I hate you all for being pregnant at the same time. I'm sick of fighting over the damn bathroom. I'm tired of your whining. I'm fed up with having to go to the damn store every other day. I'm trying to take care of a baby who cries less than you do!" April stops outside the bathroom and just lets loose. Rachel's been cutting a tooth and April hasn't been getting much sleep, that paired up with her best friends discomforts has proven a bit much for her.

Exodus throws open the bathroom door and jabs Karai in the chest, which is totally out of character for her, "And _you_ ate my ice cream. I just know it!"

Karai jabs her back, "Move! I have to pee and yeah I ate your ice cream. Get over it!"

I look over at my brothers who are all shaking their heads.

"I can't take much more of this." Donatello palms his face.

Karai slams the bathroom door on X, who is still grilling her about ice cream.

Zoe walks right by us, munching on an Oreo, with a glass of milk balancing on the bag. Raph reaches out, takes them both and hands her the milk back. She spins around to face him.

"Give me the damn cookies." She hisses at him and reaches out for them.

"No."

"Now, Raphael."

"No."

Andrea abandons her toys and runs over to her parents. "I want cookies!"

"Me too!" Antonello joins his sister.

Here we go. I'm so sick of the infinite battle over Zoe and her Oreo cookies.

"Raphael, why do you even bother? It's not like you care. It's just one more thing to take away from me!" She jabs her finger into his plastron.

Great, this isn't going to end well.

Now Karai and Exodus are face to face yelling at each other over ice cream, April is screaming at them to shut up, Anton and Andrea are begging for cookies, and Raph and Zoe are fighting over them.

Great. Just great. I liked it better when I was leading them on missions. This is ridiculous.

"What the hell does that mean?" Raph yells at her.

And now Rachel is crying.

"It means you're doing exactly what you said you wouldn't and I'm sick of it. So if you're not going to treat me like someone you care about, then don't half ass it and take away what comfort I have. Now give me the fucking cookies."

The room fell silent except for Rachel's crying.

With a snarl that sent a tremor through everyone surrounding him, Raph launches the bag and they explode against the wall sending chocolate cookie bits flying. Without looking back he whirls around, storming out the front door, slamming it behind him with such force the windows rattle.

Zoe took a deep resigning breath. "I'll get a dustpan," She says in a defeated voice, shuffling off toward the kitchen.

I feel bad for her.

"Guys, let's help Zoe clean this up." I pick up the split bag and the larger chunks of cookies.

One of the things I love most about my sister is that she doesn't feed into Raph's bull, especially when he throws a fit. If he's wrong, she'll step up to him, and he loves her for it. If any of the rest of us stepped up to him we'd be risking our shells.

But ever since they'd learned Zoe is carrying triplets, they've both been acting like strangers. I think Raph's just guarded, and Zoe, well Zoe's gone into a metaphorical shell of her own.

She reappears with the dustpan, "Thanks Leo, but I can get it."

"You shouldn't be bending over and straining yourself." Donatello takes the pan from her and Mike takes it from Don.

"I got this. You guys take care of whatever you need to." He says, sweeping up crumbs.

"I've got three ultrasounds to do today. Anybody want to find out what their having?" Don looks at Zoe, "anybody who doesn't already know. You're getting one just to see how things are coming along."

"Me!" Karai and Exodus appear, arm in arm, standing right next to Donatello.

"Oh, I want to come with!" April links her arm around the two women.

I press my fingers in between my eyes.

Mood swings are insane. Women are confusing creatures anyway, but pregnant and post-partum women… my head hurts.

**Donatello**

**1 Hour Later**

"Okay Karai I'm ready in here. You and Leo are up first." I stick my head out of the dining room that I've converted into a medical lab.

Karai slips in and sits down on my medical table. Leo sits down in one of my rolling chairs next to her.

I squirt some gel over her abdomen and rest the wand against her ivory colored skin. I press a couple of keys on the keyboard, turn the volume dial and a swooshing sound fills the room then I press a few more buttons and we pick up a visual of a human baby.

"You guys are having a girl." I tell them while I check the baby's heart and see four chambers. I check on a few other vitals and snap some pictures of the baby.

Leo's eyes never leave the screen. The pressure of caring for my family is wearing me thin, especially Zoe. At the same time, moments like this are pretty awesome and I get to be the one to share in it with them. I get to see the look in their eyes.

I hand him the printouts and he finally tares his eyes off the screen. He looks over at Karai, who despite her usually cool demeanor has a rare softness to her brown eyes. I try to appear busy but I see her mouth the words 'I love you' to Leo and I can't help smiling.

"Okay, you guys are good for now. Everything looks great." I turn around as Karai sits up and slides off my table, "Send in Exodus for me?"

"Sure Don, thanks." Leo nods and put his arm around Karai's back as they leave.

As Exodus bounds in with my energetic little brother, I suddenly feel like I need a cup of coffee.

"Okay, you two settle down. Exodus lay right there." I point to the table.

Mike sets her on the table and holds her hand.

I apply the gel to her abdomen and she squeals, "It's so cold!"

"Sorry." I tell her and repeat the same process I did with Karai. A nice strong swishing sound fills the room and I look at the screen. "Well what do you know… you two are having a boy."

I check out the vitals and everything looks good. "Everything's fine," I tell them, as I hand them a picture of the shelled baby.

Exodus has the most expressive blue eyes and long dark lashes. She sits up holding the picture so she and Mike can look at it, "This is so amazing!"

"I'll say, I can't wait till he gets here!" He lifts Exodus from the table and grins at me.

"Has Raph come back yet? It's Zoe's turn." I watch the two of them frown and shake their heads.

"I think Zoe is upstairs sleeping. Master Splinter is reading stories to Anton and Drea'." Mike looks like he has more to say.

"What is Mike?" I ask him.

"You and Raph are being hard on Zoe. She needs to know you guys love her. Right now I think she feels like you two hate her for going through with this." He looks at me and then at Exodus and he pulls her closer to him.

"I'm worried for her Mike. We could lose her. You realize that I may have to take out her uterus and move aside her bladder and intestines when I do a c-section right? Its major surgery and I've never even done a surgery before, and this isn't a sterile and controlled hospital environment."

Mike's eyes widen and his mouth falls open, "You're going to take out Zoe's organs?!"

I put a palm to my face for the tenth time today, "I will put them back Mike. Never mind, just somebody get Zoe."


	7. Chapter 7

**Zoe**

I've got a body pillow smashed against my back, and another my front, while I lie on my side under my favorite blanket, crying quietly into my pillow. I feel my babies moving around and want to enjoy it, feel my heart ache to share it with Raphael… But there's a growing distance between us that leaves me feeling like we're standing on opposite sides of the Grand Canyon. We're hardly speaking. He doesn't cuddle with me, he hasn't felt the babies move, and he hasn't acted interested like he did with Anton and Andrea.

The fight we had in the living room was probably the most we've spoken this week. He goes through the motions but there are no emotions. He's shut off to me and I miss him horribly. I always thought being separated from him would be the worst thing that could happen to us. I was wrong. Having him right next to me physically but completely checked out emotionally is torture.

I don't try to read him and I haven't reflected on our bond. It's there but it's a quiet breeze rather than the gale force wind it usually carries. Fighting is the only thing that will come of me pushing him to talk to me, and I won't beg him to care about these babies. My fingers dig into the soft fluff of the pillow, no, I won't try to force him to want them, or to care about me.

There's a knock on the bedroom door that briefly draws me from my thoughts. I wipe away my stupid, hormonal, tears and sit up, "Come in."

Exodus sticks her blond head in and her smile fades, "Oh, Zoe. Are you okay?" She slips in the door and crawls onto the bed next to me.

I bite my lip and look out the window as tears escape me. Damn tears. Damn hormones. I wipe them away. "I'm fine."

She wraps an arm around me and I lean against her, feel my resolve waiver, and cry. I sniffle and swipe away my tears with the back of my palm. My insides are drained, as though it's a hundred degrees outside with no breeze and I'm climbing a mountain but am only halfway up. Exodus holds me and I close my eyes, drawing comfort from her just being there. We sit like this, I don't know how long, but it must have been a while, because now there's another knock on my door.

"Come in," Exodus says. I look at her, she shrugs, and smiles at me, "Why not?"

I echo the gesture then snuggle up against her, my large belly pressing against her smaller one.

Karai sticks her head in, "Donnie's looking for-" She looks at the two of us and frowns. She comes in, shutting the door behind her. "He hasn't come back yet?" She crawls up on the other side of me and scoots up close, wrapping her arm around me too.

I shake my head, "No. It's fine…" He'll come back, then we'll fight, and there will be more not talking. I swallow the lump in my throat but more tears slide down my cheeks. No, I'm not in a rush to get to that.

Karai has her head on one of my shoulders and Exodus the other. They don't say anything we just hold each other and I feel loved, despite the missing piece of me that's currently off somewhere doing who knows what.

There's yet another knock on the door.

"Come in!" Karai and Exodus say in unison. I look at them and they both smile, "Why not?" They say together.

April sticks her head in, "Don is looking for-" She frowns as her eyes sweep over the three of us, "Aw, Zoe, he hasn't come back yet?" She stomps in and kicks the door shut with such force the three of us jump.

"Wow April, get that door." Karai laughs.

I giggle despite my tears.

"Well I'm sick of their shit. I thought I was mad at you girls, but I realize now that I'm fed up with Raph's brooding and Donatello's doom and gloom. This is ridiculous." She looks at me, "and you deserve our support. This family can do better than this shit and I'm sorry for my part in it." She squeezes up between me and Exodus.

"Hey that's my spot!" X protests.

"Share, please." April smiles at her and Exodus curls up to April, April cuddles up to me and Karai leans her head against my shoulder again.

We must've dozed off because I find myself stiff when I stir, hearing the door open, "Zoe, Don's waitin' to check you out." It's Raph's voice. "What's goin' on in here?"

I open my eyes and glance at the sleeping girls draped around me. As if you care? I look in Raph's distant crystal green eyes, my chest tightens and I know I'm about to say things I may regret. "They decided they're not afraid to love me no matter what might happen. It's too bad you don't feel that way Raphael. Now go away." I look away from him toward the window as a few traitorous tears escape me.

Suddenly I feel strong arms lifting me away from the comforting warmth of my friends.

"Hey!" Exodus and Karai protest.

"Raph!" April groans.

"Look at me Zoe." He's holding me up in his 'you will listen to me', eye to eye position.

I close my eyes warily and, already feeling drained, shake my head, "Just go away."

"Fuck no. Open your eyes and look at me." He holds me there and I don't resist, but I don't look at him either. My body aches everywhere, I was warm and for once felt like someone supported what I'm doing, and here you come along and take that away from me. You take my cookies, my friends, you don't talk to me…

He shifts me to where I'm cradled in his arms and I draw my own across my chest and glare at my belly. And now we're moving, out of the room and down the stairs. "I'm not going to do this with you. I'm not." He says as he sits me down on the table in Don's lab.

I lift my chin and glare at him, seeing Donatello in my peripheral, "No you're right, you're not."

He leans over so he's eye to eye with me, "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"What you're not going to do with me. You're not in this with me at all." I look in his eyes and feel my chest tighten. Why does he keep asking me these questions? Why does he look as confused as I suddenly feel? My resolve is slipping, making room for self-doubt.

He frowns, shakes his head, "Here she is Don. Do your thing." He sits down in the rolling chair next to the table and crosses his arms over his plastron.

Don stares at us for a few minutes. Raph and I aren't looking at each other. I'm sitting on the table, my belly making me uncomfortable as I stare at the wall of lab equipment in front of me. How did this happen? How did we plan this, this gift for Antonello, only to have it go so wrong?

"Mike was right." Don says finally and I feel his eyes scan me over.

"What do you mean?" Raph grumbles.

"Not to talk about you like you're not here or anything Zoe, but you look like crap."

"She does not." Raph snaps at him.

"Not like that Raph, look at her. _Look at her._ You need to look at _her._ You and I, we're wearing her down and that's the last thing she needs." He stands up and puts his hand on my shoulder.

I look into his amber eyes, skeptical until I recognize the old Donnie, my loving brother, has returned to me.

"I'm sorry Zoe. My fears for you, and my fear of failing you, my brother, your kids and this family, they took over me and I've been taking it out on you." He shakes his head, "Not anymore. I promise. I'm still going to look out for you, but I will be me, your brother. I'm with you not against you." He wraps an arm around me and I find myself hugging him back and hoping that maybe we are rounding a corner.

He releases me, looks at us both then starts adjusting his equipment. "Alright Zoe, we're at twenty weeks. Let's see how things are looking."

I lie back on the table, inch my t-shirt up and lower the waistband of my yoga pants. Don squirts the gel over my belly then I feel the light pressure of the wand as he moves it around. He doesn't turn on the sound of their heartbeats. It's a strange, frantic, overlapping noise and he knows it makes me a little nervous.

Don laughs a little and I realize I've still been staring at the wall. I notice Raph was looking at the floor beside me and we both look at him.

"They look really good Zoe. Really good," he smiles at me and the sincerity in his eyes soothes my battered nerves.

"Really?" I ask, hopefully.

"Yes. I want to get a measurement, weight and blood pressure on you. I also think you should start easing into the idea of more bed rest. Start with an extra hour in the morning and another hour in the afternoon. As long as you aren't having any complications we'll just make those changes for now. But they look good and their really active."

They look good. We're fine, all four of us. My heart skips a beat as a great wash of relief cascades over me. "Thanks Donnie."

He measures me then checks my weight.

"Are you taking the vitamins I gave you?"

"Every day."

"I'm going to do some blood-work. You look paler than usual." Don opens a cabinet and pulls his blood drawing supplies.

"If that's even possible," Raph grumbles.

"And I'd like it if you gained a little more weight. But please, not by cookies alone." Donatello's bedside manner has returned and I'm feeling much better, as he draws my blood, then checks my blood pressure.

"You're blood pressure is perfect." Don shakes his head then looks from me to Raph, and back, "I told April I'd give her a break from Rachel this afternoon. So I'm going to go check in with her." Abruptly, he walks out of the lab without looking back.

Raph and I sit in silence. I can feel him staring at me, and I chew on my lip, waiting. I won't make the first move, not after he threw a fit, disappeared for hours, then yanks me from my friends… He's right by the door, so I have to walk by him if I want to leave the room. There's an ever present ache in my chest, one that even the support of my friends, my family, cannot quell. I can't remember ever feeling this disconnected from him, even with the bond we share, I just feel alone.

"I don't know what to say." He says finally.

Well that's nothing new. I nod. "Say how you feel."

"You know how I feel."

I look at him and I can't help how my heart hurts. I want so badly for him to be happy again. I want my unguarded love back. "No Raphael, I don't."

He shakes his head and rubs his hands over his face, "What the hell Zoe? What do you want from me?"

I go to get off the table but I lose my balance and he reaches out to steady me. The second his hands wrap around my arms I feel it. I admit I tuned right into him. I'm tired of him not touching me. I'm sick of him not talking to me. I'm fed up with him being there, but not. His fingers are searing into my skin with the love that he's struggling to contain as he stands over me and I lean my head against his plastron. "I just want my best friend back. I want my love back. I want you."

"I'm right here." He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.


	8. Chapter 8

**Zoe**

**Three Weeks Later**

"Mommy, I can't see the snowman. I can't see him!" Andrea is spinning around in circles while looking down at her shirt. Every time her back flashes by me I see the snowman print on it.

"Drea' it's on backwards. Let me help you." I reach out to her, but she screams back at me.

"No I can do it! I do it myself!" Her blue eyes flash with frustration and her little teeth peek out from behind her curled pink lips as she swats my hands away.

"Okay, okay. First take the shirt back off." I sit on the edge of the bed and rub the aching ligaments below my belly. I feel like I'm nine months pregnant _now_. I try to sit up straighter and resist the urge to groan, instead letting out a resigning sigh.

Andrea spins around and around, "Mommy! I can't get it off!"

Fortunately, Raph chooses this moment to walk in with Anton perched on his shoulders. "What's going on in here? I can hear Drea' squealin' from downstairs."

I take a deep breath and look over at him, my voice echoing my constant state of exhaustion and discomfort, "She can't get her shirt off, she put it on backwards and she won't let me help her." I shift uncomfortably as I feel babies brushing up against one another. I thought feeling one baby move was awesome, this just feels like a competition for space.

"Let Daddy help ya Drea,'" He lifts Anton and places him next to me. Antonello immediately begins jumping on the bed. Andrea stops spinning and stands dutifully while Raph helps her fix her shirt.

"Why wouldn't she let me do that?" I rub my face. Anton continues bouncing on the bed and begins bumping into me. "Antonello please, stop jumping on the bed."

He ignores me, bouncing higher.

"Anton, knock it off. Come on you two, Sofu wants to tell you a story this morning after breakfast." Raph wraps an arm around Anton and another around Andrea. He looks at me with serious eyes, "Don wants to talk to us all this morning."

I raise my eyebrows, "Everything okay?"

"I think so. Maybe. I think Don wants to talk about… what's to expect the next couple of weeks." He glances at my belly while adjusting the two squirming kids under his arms, then turns, using his foot to open the door further. He calls to me from the hall without looking back, "No stairs, so I'll come back for ya in a minute."

He acts like he wants to be close to me, but I've come to suspect that maybe he's afraid for how vulnerable that will leave him if all hell breaks loose. I understand, but I still miss him. I sigh. At least he and Donnie aren't biting my head off anymore.

I scoot back on the bed and pull my body pillow up under me, then I feel the strain on my lower back muscles trying to hold me on my side, so I reach over and pull another pillow up behind me. I groan. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet and I'm already tired. Well I got dressed then got back in the bed, so I don't know if that counts as getting out of the bed or not.

"Zoe?" Raph says softly.

I lift my head a little, "Yeah?"

"I came back for ya. Donnie's got everyone in the lab. You ready?" He stands over me and I feel his eyes looking me over.

"Sure, let me just pry myself from this comfortable pillow so that I can go be the center of yet another humiliating public announcement." I bury my face back in the pillow, rubbing against the soft cream color pillowcase, before resting my cheek against it.

"We just want you to be okay Z."

I feel his fingers brush the hair back from my face and my heart jerks. He's hardly touched me, aside from any assistance he provides. This is a particularly small but sweet gesture, leaving him open to the well of emotions he's trying to suppress. But the moment is fleeting, as he next scoops me off the bed and I opt to lean my head against his massive shoulder, accepting the ride downstairs.

He sets me down as he reaches the last step, knowing that I refuse to be carried around beyond them. After all, I'm no wimp.

I wave good morning at Splinter as he tells the children a story in the play area. He smiles at me but doesn't stop, so as not to draw the children's attention to me. I catch a glimpse of Rachel sleeping in the pack n play. Raph takes my hand and leads me to Donnie's lab, which is very crowded and strangely very bare.

"What happened to all of your stuff Donnie?" I ask as Raph and I slip in and take a spot by the door. I like being close to the door. It's bodes well should I feel the need to bolt… or pee, whichever comes first. Leo and Karai are standing on the other side of the table next to Mike and Exodus while April lingers near Donatello who's standing next to his desk jotting some things in a notebook. He puts his pen down and looks up.

"I've stripped the lab down to bare necessities until all babies are delivered. I'm going to start sanitizing this room several times a day. I need everyone to stay out of it unless I've asked you in."

Donnie, as usual, doesn't feel the need to introduce today's topics and just delves in. He looks at Karai, Exodus and then me. "We've been really lucky so far with the three babies that we have delivered. I should've been preparing for the chance that one of you would need surgery this entire time. And I had studied it for an emergency situation but I'd hoped it would never happen. But ninety percent of triplet births are delivered by caesarean. That's as much an act of caution for everything that can go wrong if you try to deliver them naturally. Chances are good that not all babies will be head down. There's also a chance for placental abruption. I could go on. The point is I really go back and forth as to what is the best way to get them here." Donatello looks me in the eye now. He'd been glancing around the room taking in each of our family members. He was probably checking to see if everyone was paying attention. I noticed he looked at Mike and Exodus twice each. Yeah, he's making sure they're listening. And as I sneak a peek I see that they are.

"Zoe, this choice should actually be yours to make. There's risk no matter what you choose. You can try to deliver them naturally, but only if they are all head down, and as each one comes the other could still flip. You're blood pressure is great so far, so that leaves you with more options. I would push for a c-section only I'm uncertain about how sterile I can keep the environment and I fear risk of infection." Don rubs his face.

"So here's the thing. If we end up delivering these babies through a c-section and honestly even if we don't, or even if it's half one way and half another, I'm going to need everyone's help." He smiles a little, "It's kind of like a mission actually. Exodus you and Splinter will be on childcare. Please, do not any one leave this room or enter it, without sterilizing each time. Karai and April, you will be my immediate help." Donnie sighs, "Now I'm glad you attended those midwife classes with Zoe when April was pregnant with Rachel." He rubs his face, "Anyway, I'm also assigning each of you a baby. Leo, you're on baby A. Raph, baby B. And Mike you're on baby C."

"Wait, we're going to be in here while you've got Zoe cut open?" Leo swallows, as if the reality of the situation just hit him.

Donnie frowns at Leo, "Yes. I can't take care of Zoe and three babies at the same time, and I can't tie April and Karai up with a baby when I may need them to help me. Everyone in this room has a vital role. There can be no passing out either, so if you think you might, just don't look." Don is eyeing each of us carefully as if he is about to lead us into battle.

This is so embarrassing, I hate being the center of attention, I loathe being the patient, and I just want this all to be over with.

As I shift uncomfortably, trying not to grunt and sigh, I notice April pressing her lips together, her brow furrowed. She blinks, licks her lips and finally speaks. "Don, I'm worried about whether or not I can handle looking at my friend cut open." April's voice is soft and her eyes sink to floor as if she's failed him.

Don strokes her shoulder, "You can do this April."

"Are you sure?" She looks at him, a deep frown on her thin pink lips.

As I glance around the room, I see various emotions in each of their eyes, fear, worry, concern, and I'm sorry that I need their help, but I'm not sorry for wanting these babies. "Yes April, I've seen you in crunch time and you step up. You'll be fine." I answer for him, reassuring my sister. She can do it, she's done it before, she helped me when Raph knocked Donnie out during Antonello's birth.

Don looks at me as if he's about to throw a wrench in my newfound resolve, "Zoe, there's two types of anesthesia for a c-section. And although it's less common I'm opting for general."

What? His words hit me like a slap across my face. My eyes widen, "But then I won't be awake!"

"I know, but I can't have you jumping off the table and I don't think you'd take well to being strapped down." He puts a hand on each of my arms, "Do you honestly feel that while in labor you will stay in control and be able to tolerate being strapped down to a table? Without any doubt, whatsoever?"

Flashbacks of years worth of lab procedures, including the last time I found myself strapped to a table with Stockman and Darius Flint threatening Andrea's existence, caused me to reel. My world tilts on its axis and I sway.

"Zoe?" Don slips his hand behind my back and I feel Raph switch him places.

"Lean on me Z, I've got ya." I feel his arm around me and I cling to him while my heart slams hard against my breast. I'm losing control of this whole thing. I'm losing control. I won't, I don't, I can't control what happens. I look up at Donatello, "I don't have any control over anything right now do I?"

Suddenly I understand how Raph feels.

Don doesn't answer me and I'm glad. Control has always been a struggle for me and I was so grateful Raph helped me obtain it, and in turn he grew and developed more of his own. We spent hours, weeks, months and now years training together. Every challenge we encountered in and outside of the dojo was yet another test of control, his of his temper, mine over myself altogether, and we had both grown so much.

And here I am faced with losing it again.

Donnie's gaze shifts to Leo, then flickers over each of our family members, "I need to meet with each of you, to go over what your individual responsibilities will entail. Karai and April, you two meet with me daily from here on and we will go over everything and practice and discuss different scenarios. Leo, Mike, and Raph, we'll meet weekly to go over what to do with and expect for the babies."

The sound of my pulse swishes through my ears in a near deafening rhythm, my heart still beating so hard I can feel it and the sensation is unsettling. "Are we done Donnie? I need… I need a minute." Raph lets me go and I duck out of the lab without waiting for Donatello's answer.

I make my way to the backdoor, struggle to get my sneakers on then slip into my winter coat. I sense Raph following me and decide I'm fine with that. I shut the door silently behind me and head for the barn/dojo. It's almost spring, but there's eight inches of snow on the ground and I feel it soaking through my walking shoes. A bitter wind scrapes against my face and I welcome the feeling anyway. Feeling anything is better than the wretched emptiness I'm becoming accustomed to.

I wrap my fingers around the latch to the barn door and step inside. The dojo has always served as my sanctuary… well for as long as I've been with the boys anyway. In my old life the dojo was as much a battlefield as any other. I look around and feel the ache of loss. I miss working out, pushing my body to its limit. I miss the sweet reprieve from my emotions as they surrender to the fatigue I placed on every muscle.

Settling myself in the center of the wrestling mats I try to sort out my thoughts. I want to give my son brothers. He needs them, he deserves them. This isn't a mistake. It's just more than what we'd hoped for. I refuse to believe I've made the wrong decision when at first it had felt so right. I started out so sure. Now… now I feel my confidence slipping, giving way to fear. There is nothing I hate more than fear, except maybe the idea of losing control. And the two infinitely go hand in hand.

I sense him slip in. He's not going for his usual brute, head on approach. He's opting more on the side of ninja stealth, which I appreciate, because his movements imply thought over impulse and they are both beautiful and graceful. He sits alongside me, never making a sound.

We haven't been alone in a couple months. He's been keeping himself busy with the kids or training. When he comes to bed I'm usually fast asleep and he's been getting up before me. To some extent I'm as guilty of avoiding him as he is me. I will leave a room when he enters it. I avoid looking him in the eye. I don't reach out to him. I don't speak first and he doesn't usually speak unless he has to… but then he's always been that way. And then it dawns on me.

"I'm sorry Raph."

"For what?" he rubs the back of his head.

I feel the tears brimming in my eyes and I make myself look at him, he deserves that much. "It's been me keeping you at bay this whole time. Hasn't it?"

He looks from the mat into my eyes and I know I'm right. "What tipped you off?"

I feel the dam faltering within me. I bite my lip and swallow the ever growing rock in my throat, then look in his eyes and see nothing but love and understanding looking back at me.

What have I been doing?

"Shit Zoe, I wasn't going to fight you the whole way. I know it's my thing, but not with you. Not when you've got the Berlin wall built up around yourself." He reaches up a large green hand and strokes the side of my face.

What am I doing? What have I been doing? "But the only one I've been shutting out is you." I shake my head and lean into his hand, closing my eyes as I try to make sense of the tangled web that are my emotions. I feel tears slip down my cheeks.

"Wanna tell me why?"

I try, but I can't see through the waterfall pouring from my eyes. I growl and swipe them away, "Fucking hormones. I'm so sick of crying all the time." I take a deep shuddering breath and will myself to look him in the eye and admit my faults. "I don't really know why. I didn't even realize I was doing it until just now." I shake my head and my hair falls in my face. "I'm losing control over everything Raph. It's all starting to unravel and that scares me. I hate that feeling and I don't want you to think less of me for it."

His thick green fingers gently push the hair back from my face, cupping around the back of my head and lifting upward so I look him in the eyes. "Think less of you for what? I don't understand Zoe."

I take a shuddering breath, "I'm losing control. I was so determined, so sure, and you and Don were just so- I felt like you two were going to prove to me that I was making a mistake and I knew this couldn't be a mistake. I didn't want you guys to be right, so badly, that I put up a barrier between us. I didn't want you to be right and the closer we get, the more I realize how little control I have over the outcome, and that makes you right." My chest feels wet inside as if the tears were pouring within me.

"It doesn't matter who's right Zoe. This isn't a right or wrong, or a proving someone right or wrong, thing. This is just me, not wanting anything to happen to you. That's all this is and all it ever has been." He kisses the top of my head before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me against his plastron.

"I'm losing control Raph. It scares me. What if I fail you? We worked so hard for me to be in control and its being taken from me." I weave my arms among the wrap of his and lean into him.

"Just forget the control thing for now Zoe. You've got to let that go for now. This isn't one of those things you fight. This is life throwing us a curveball. All we can do now is ride it out." He leans back to look at me.

The warmth in his pine colored eyes melts my insides. If he could just pull me into them with him, wherever it is that he is, it's where I'm meant to be. I find myself speaking words I've not thought through but know that I mean, "If the worst should happen, I'll still be with you. I can't see how our souls could ever be apart. I just won't have a body anymore."

"Don't talk like that," His eyes flicker with the idea of my death, before steeling with his resolve, "that's not an option Zoe." He sighs and rubs his face.

I sigh and lean my head against him again. "Are you as emotionally drained as I am?"

He laughs a little and I feel my tension release. "Are you kidding? How long have we been together?"

"Oh yeah, you're drained just trying to contain that shit." I laugh and he does too, wrapping his arms tighter around me. He rests his chin on the crown of my head. Seconds later, I stretch my legs out in front of me and lean back a bit to give the wiggling babies more room. He moves his cheek against mine and we watch the strange movements rolling over my abdomen. I move my hand over his and lower it over my belly.

How different this is from what we had already experienced twice before. He wasn't able to feel either Anton or Andrea this early on, but with so many little bodies in there right now, it's easily done.

"I can't believe there's three of them." He kisses my cheek then nuzzles me affectionately.

"Mmmm, I've missed cuddling with you."

"Well don't stop anymore." He graces my neck with tiny kisses, and chuckles as I find myself purring.

"Never again."


	9. Chapter 9

**Zoe**

**Three Weeks Later**

I toss and turn trying to find some semblance of comfort. After I had taken to curling, stretching, rolling and shuffling, pretty much every two hours throughout the nights Raph had given up trying to sleep next to me, resigning himself to a pallet on the floor. No wonder pregnant women slept so much, or were tired all the time. We spend half the night just trying to get comfortable enough to sleep at all.

"Uh-mmm-hh," I grunt. I didn't realize I was making any noise at all, until my hypersensitive ninja's head popped up close to my face.

"Are you okay Z?" He studies me, awaiting my response.

One thing I love about my freaky animal genes is the ability to see well in the dark. What I don't like is the look on Raphael's face. When he worries my heart wrenches into a knot, and my skin burns with this horrible ache, to reach out and remove whatever's causing him trouble.

I'm in a fog of half sleep until he speaks to me. I don't realize I'm trying to wiggle away from the tensing of my lower abdomen. I gaze groggily into his eyes, "What makes you ask?"

He raises both eye ridges, "You've been grunting every couple minutes for the past half hour."

His words swirl around in my head before I can make sense of them. Grunting every couple minutes… My eyes dart over his face and my hand flies down to my tightening belly, "Oh my God, Raph, get Donnie! I thought, I thought – get Donnie!"

My ninja is gone in the blink of an eye, leaving the bedroom door open to the nightlight lit hallway. My heart is racing, slamming against my breast. No, no, this can't be happening. Reaching down, with tingling fingertips, I cradle my belly. "It's too soon babies. Not yet." I feel another cramping sensation and let out a small grunt. I have to stay calm. I have to stay calm.

Donatello appears in the doorway with Raph behind him. He reaches to flip on the light but I wave a hand at him, "You'll wake the kids." My babies share a bunk-bed where the crib used to be, a telltale sign that we are quickly running out of space in the farmhouse.

"That's not important right now Zoe," Don shakes his head and I move to get out of the bed.

"I'll come to you, we can go downstairs." I push myself to a sitting position, and grunt again.

"No way, you don't move," Donatello flips the light on and my kids are instantly protesting.

Raph scoops up Andrea and she cries against his shoulder.

"Raph, what's going on?" I hear Exodus's voice from the doorway.

Donnie puts his face in front of mine, trying to block my view. "Okay, Zoe look at me, Raph will take care of the kids, _look at me_." I keep watching Raph with Anton and Andrea, while grunting between contractions. "ZOE, look at me! Raph get the kids out of here, give them to X and Mike. Then get Karai and April and get back here!"

Raph scoops up both kids and disappears with Exodus.

"Zoe, look at me. How far apart are the contractions?" Don kneels beside me and grabs my wrist, checking my pulse.

"I- I- I- don't know, Don, it's too soon. It's too soon." My lip quivers as my heart bangs in my chest. I lick my lips and swallow. Why is everything tingling? Why is this happening?

"Try to calm down Zoe." Don reaches under my chin, looks me in the eye, "Slow, deep, breaths, slow." He nods his head as I try to focus on what he's telling me. But I can't help the tiny voice in my head, asking; did I do something to cause this? Tears slip down my cheeks as I force each breath in and out. "Good, better, keep doing that."

"What's going on Donnie?" April appears in the doorway, wrapping her pink silk robe around her. She glances over at me as Karai's voice calls from the hallway. "What's going on? Is Zoe alright?"

I groan, "I didn't mean to wake up the whole-" I gasp as another contraction hits me.

"Zoe, breathe. Just breathe." Don nods as I follow his instructions. His amber eyes do not reflect any of the fear I'm sure he's feeling. All the energy he sends to me is soothing. "April, I need you to check her see if she's effaced, I'm going downstairs for some supplies. Karai you're with me. Raph just go sit with her. Leo, keep this room calm and focused. Zoe needs to just focus on controlling her breath. Hyperventilating isn't going to help right now and I don't want her passing out."

I didn't realize I'd closed my eyes and I never heard Leo or Raph enter the room. "Ugh, I don't want Leo in here while April checks me. Raph you get out too. I'm not mentally prepared for this right now. If you're not a girl or Donatello, get out!" I slap my hand on the bed, flop my head into a pillow then swipe away stray tears. "This can't be happening."

"Move it boys! I'll call you back in when I'm done." I hear April shut the door and make her way to me. "Alright Zoe, let's do this. I'm sure everything's fine. Let me take a look before Don gets back and they all try to weasel their way back in here."

I nod, wipe away more tears, throw back the covers and remove my underpants. April checks me quickly.

"Well?" I ask her as she covers me back up with a blanket.

"Your two centimeters and twenty-five percent effaced Zoe. But your water hasn't broke and Don may be able to get the contractions to stop. You have to stay calm." She rubs my arm, speaking to me softly.

I take a deep shuddering breath and hear shuffling and pacing in the hallway.

"Let him in before he explodes." I point to the door then flinch as another contraction torments me, threatening the pre-term birth of my babies.

April wraps a hand on the doorknob and steps back with it to avoid being trampled. Raph, Leo, Don and Karai, file in.

I can't bring myself to look at Raph, but allow him to take my hand.

"Two centimeters, twenty-five percent," April informs Donatello.

"Okay, that's okay Zoe. I'm going to set you up on an I.V. it will have some medicine in it to help stop the contractions. All I want you to do is try to stay calm and relaxed." Don taps Raphs arm and Raph extends my hand and turns my palm up, exposing my veins to Donatello.

I feel a stick and pinch as he sets the line. Keeping my head turned away, I focus on my breath. Slow. Deep. Breaths. This is going to be okay. Everything will be okay. I steel a cursory glance over the room and see Donatello ushering Leo, Karai and April out in the hall. He steps out with them closing the door behind him.

"What's going on?" I whisper and realize my eyelids are heavy, "Raph, why am I so tired?"

"Donnie gave you a little something to help you sleep. Don't worry it won't hurt the babies." He strokes my hair and I drift off.

XXX

I awake feeling my body has relaxed. "Mmmm," I murmur, opening my eyes to a pair of intense green ones fixed on me. I feel my babies wiggling and know they are still safe and alive within me. I breathe a sigh of relief.

"How ya' feelin?" He has my hand in his and I wonder how long he's been kneeling beside me.

"Better," I look behind him and see monitors on our dresser, then realize I'm connected to all of them. "What'd I miss?"

Donatello steps into the room and I can tell he hasn't left me any longer than Raph has. They both look exhausted. Don smiles at me though, "They stopped. The babies look good. I'm putting you on full bed rest Zoe. Only get up to go to the bathroom and walk up and down the hall, then back to bed. I don't want you throwing a blood clot on me either so that's why you get to walk." He starts disconnecting everything so I can move around.

"Fine. Can I at least get a book or a television… a laptop… an iPad? I've got a long ways to go yet." I lean my head back into my pillow and look from the ceiling to Raph, "and I need a shower."

"I think we can work out some entertainment." I hear Michelangelo's voice, before he pops his head in the door, Exodus appearing behind him. He steps into full view and he's carrying a tray of food.

"Oh let's all pile up in here and watch a movie!" Exodus squeals, reaching out for me.

I open my now wire free arms to her and she crawls in bed on the opposite side from Raphael, to hug me tight.

He leans over and kisses me on the forehead, "Call me when you're ready to shower. I'm going to check on the kids."

Mikey brings the tray over and sits it in my lap. "I thought you might be hungry."

I smile at him, "You're the best Mikey." I watch Raph step out in the hall, "Can you do me a favor and make sure he gets something to eat too? And see if Sofu can watch the Littles so he can take a nap? I can tell that neither he nor Donnie have had any sleep."

"Sure thing Z. But then I'm coming back with a TV and some movies!" Mike rumples my hair and I smile at him.

I look over at Exodus, who is glowing, as she watches her orange clad lover all but skip out of the room. "How are things with you and Mikey? Did you pick a name for the little guy yet?"

Exodus blushes, "Zoe, I couldn't be happier. Really. I don't know if I ever thanked you for busting me out of the facility but I am over the moon, so thank you."

"You and Mike have thanked me almost every day since you met." I laugh and motion for her to share breakfast with me, which, in her pregnant state, she's glad to do.

"Hey, what are you two doing in there and can we join?" Karai appears in the doorway with one hand on her belly and April right next to her.

"Please come in, Mike's supposed to find us a television!"

We pile in the bed together, polish off my breakfast and watch Mike return with a TV for us. I don't know what the first three movies we put in were. I fell asleep on each of them.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Raphael**

"Zoe wanted me to make sure you and Donnie got a nap." Mike held out a pillow and a blanket to me as I sank into the couch.

Andrea crawls up in my lap and snuggles up to me. I take the blanket and pillow for her. She's ready for a nap, the ear holding and thumb sucking are telltale signs. I shake my head, "We're supposed to be meetin' with Leo and Don to try and figure out what we're gonna do about space."

Leo steps out of the kitchen holding a cup of tea. "We can talk here. Then you and Don can get in your naps."

"Are you sure Leo?" I rub my eyes and fight off the lure of sleep. Andrea doesn't help, she's already out, and that just makes me drowsy.

"Yea, I'll get Don, he's in the lab."

I nod and rub my eyes again.

Zoe had me freaked out last night. Neither one of us were ready for that. Don didn't seem surprised though and he was so calm it made the whole thing go as smooth as it could. I'm not about to tell Zoe the babies won't make it if they come now. Don told us that we just don't have the equipment to keep them alive. She has to make it to thirty two weeks at least. That's six more weeks before we have viable babies. Great. Six more weeks before all hell breaks loose.

"Raph?"

I realize I'd dozed off when my blue clad brother's voice woke me up.

"Damn," I sit up, and noticing Andrea is gone, realize I've been out for awhile. "What time is it?"

"Nine, at night. Zoe's asking for you." He held out a glass of water to me and I took it gratefully.

"Shit, I slept all day?" I ask, setting the empty glass on the coffee table.

"You and Donnie both, he just went for a cup of coffee." He sits down in the armchair. "I was thinking maybe you and Zoe would like to have the basement all to yourselves. It's well lit and walk-out. You'd even have your own entrance. We could finish it before the babies get here."

"What do Mike and Donnie say? Did you ask them?" I try not to get excited because it's the perfect solution.

"We say yes," they answer from behind me with such confidence I feel that at least one of a hundred burdens has been lifted.

Standing from the couch I turn to see them leaning shoulder against shoulder, Mikey's foot is propped against his shin, arms crossed. "Let's do it," he grins.

"We can change your old room into a room for Master Splinter, he doesn't need all of the space the basement has and you and Zoe surely will." Leo's shrugs, "Space problem solved. Now we just have to build it."

"That sounds good." I stretch, trying to seem cool about it, but actually want to do something crazy… like hug them. "Can we start tomorrow?"

"First thing," Leo smirks and I suspect he may have an idea of my feelings.

"Okay," I turned for the stairs, "Guess I'll go see what she wants."

Just outside our room I can hear the sheets rustling. As I step inside, I find moonlight seeping in through the curtains casting a soft white glow over everything in the room, from Antonello's olive colored shell pressed against the rail of the top bunk, to Andrea's chubby hand clutching her stuffed turtle against her rosy cheeked face, to the red haired woman that has possessed my soul. Pushing the door closed behind me, I find her writhing around, grunting and huffing, punching a pillow and beginning again. When she notices me she sits up, yanks a pillow in front of her and crosses her arms around it.

"Hey," I amble over to her, aching to hold her, to just drink her in, devour her, lose myself deep within her like I've done more times than I can count over the past five years. Even when I fight with her that urge burns within me pacing like a caged animal waiting to be released.

She feigns a smile that isn't working for her and my heart sinks. I just want this whole part to be over. Watching her suffer, tears at a place within me that doesn't have a name, stripping away my control, unnerving me.

"Hey," she mumbles then looks away from me and I feel that pang, that cavern like wound between us, and I want badly to sew it up. It has gotten better, but that mass of belly, keeps a good wedge between us. What she's going through, I wonder if Anton will ever understand, because it's ultimately for him. I only hope it doesn't cost everything she has.

"Anything, I can do? Leo said you uh-"

She bites her lip and I know she's struggling with something, even if it's just trying to get comfortable and she's tired of it. "Sit behind me? Just let me lean against you awhile."

Her gray eyes are glossy with the endless tears each pregnancy has brought her and I nod, slipping into the bed and leaning against the headboard, pulling her between my legs and letting her mash her pillow against my plastron before grabbing my arm and wrapping it over her chest. I rub her back for a while and her breathing slows. It's hard to fight the knot in my throat, just having her close to me again, having her ask me to be there and then letting me touch her. It gives me the satisfaction of a battle won and I relish the time with her.

She makes a soft sound that I've heard before but can never find words for and I know three shelled boys are giving her a tough time. Reaching down I edge the pillowcase away and lift up her nightshirt to expose her fair skinned belly, finding it shifting and gliding then moving like rough ocean waves crashing against the sides of a boat. _Gees, no wonder she can't sleep. It's like watching me and Leo fight only their trapped inside her._ I place my huge hand down over the ripples and dips and they settle. _I can't wait to meet you guys._


	11. Chapter 11

**Seven Weeks Later**

**Zoe**

"I am going to be pregnant forever," I sob into Exodus's pink t-shirt.

She shudders, "Mmmmmeeee tooooo."

"Seriously?" Mikey complains, turning his head toward us. X and I look up from our mutually sobbing embrace to glare at him.

Releasing my friend I rub my face. "I can't take it anymore. I've got to get out of this bed, out of this room, out of this house!" Scooting myself to the edge of the bed, I snatch the remote control from Mikey's hand, push the off button and throw it at him.

"Hey! The movie wasn't that bad!" Mike protests.

Exodus snorts, "I'm crying and it's your fault!"

"What, I didn't write the script!" Mikey throws up his hands and stands up from the bed.

"It was devastating!" She weeps.

"It was Death at A Funeral, the British version, and it was funny as hell!" He snatches up the box, pointing to it, "See, it says right here, comedy."

"That guys Dad was dead, there was nothing funny about it Michelangelo!" Exodus stands up leaning over her belly to swat at his arms.

I take this spat as an opportunity to sneak out and waddle my way out into the hall, where I wrap my hand around the rail and edge down one step at a time, carefully. I was going to be in enough trouble for being on them but if I fell Raph would have my head. As I reach the bottom and scan the living area, I know everyone but Mike and X are out back, because it's supposedly an amazing day outside.

I wouldn't know, I've been trapped in that room for six weeks and I can't take it anymore. With one hand under my ready to explode belly, I open the front door and step barefoot out on the front porch. The sun warms my skin and the air kisses my face, both soothing and tormenting me with five years of amazing memories. My throat tightens and I feel a wetness in my eyes as the breeze caresses my flesh, lulling my mind away to visit my past. As I reach the porch swing and lay across it, leaning against the back, I rest my head on one of the floral throw pillows and look out through the slats in the porch railing at the long tree lined gravel road, then up to the cloudless bright blue sky; the sun high above the roof behind me.

Three baby boys squirm within me and I feel a tightening sensation, but close my eyes, choosing to ignore it. I've been having contractions for a week but nothing happens. I'm sick of getting my hopes up, especially while Donatello goes on about how please he is that I've made it so far. I sigh, rest my hand against the triple bowling ball hard mass and let the breeze carry me away, free and far from the confines of my body.

_I'd felt him before I ever met him._

_When we were finally face to face, I couldn't take my eyes off him. Something had snapped into place, like a missing puzzle piece that fit right where it should._

_He took me home, became my teacher, my lover, and my best friend._

I squirm, feeling an uncomfortable wet chill every time the wind blows. There's a burning ache from my chest to my pelvis, and I whine not wanting to wake from the comfort the day has brought me, but the discomfort is growing and my body is trembling. When I try to move my abdomen protests with a breath stealing jolt and I opt to clutch the throw pillow instead, whimpering as I try to free myself of the fog lingering in my head.

_I looked from the large green hand outstretched to me and up into his clear green eyes, tears welling in my own. He was handing me a new beginning, a chance._

"Raph, she's over here! I found her- SHIT! Get Donnie, quick!"

That's Karai's voice. I blink my eyes trying to find her face.

Soon I hear what sounds like an army of footsteps pounding up and down the porch.

" _Zoe, I think we need to talk."_

" _Yes, Sensei?" I smiled at him and his face all but lit up. Oh that smile, that unguarded truly happy crooked smile. My heart tugged in my chest, aching to just wrap my arms around him and hold him._

"What the hell? She's covered in sweat," Karai's hand touches my forehead and she leans down to look in my eyes, "Hey, how long have you been like this Zoe?"

"Her waters broke," I hear April say, then I feel her hand on my abdomen, "She's sweating because she's in hard labor."

" _You are safe with me. You will always be safe with me. I will not hurt you and you will not hurt me."_

"Then why's she so unresponsive?" Karai asks, stroking my hair, then looking down at me she says, "Zoe, talk to me, you're freaking me out."

" _Zoe, you're fighting and you're in control."_

I feel my hips shifting forward, "Karai, look."

"Oh my God. Where is Donnie?"

" _Come on, let's go home."_

" _Home?"_

" _Yes Zoe, home."_

" _It's your home Raph."_

" _Uh-uh, it's your home too, until you decide you don't want it to be. Now come on."_

"I'm right here." I can hear the irritation in Donatello's voice.

"Donnie, look," I hear April again and she moves me.

I feel a large hand against the side of my face, "Zoe, hey talk to me Sister." Donnie's scooping me up and I hear the front door opening.

" _What are you doin?"_

" _Whatever the hell I want." I grab the tails of his bandanna and tug lightly, grinning at him._

" _Do you ever stop?"_

" _Never."_

"FUCK IS THAT HER BLOOD?" I hear Raph scream.

"Calm down Raph." Donnie grunts, carrying me down the hall in the direction of the lab.

" _I think I love you Zoe."_

" _I think I love you too Raphael."_

_Tears glisten in his eyes and I see it there again. My own personal heaven._

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, THAT'S A FUCKING LOT OF BLOOD DONATELLO!"

I'm lowered onto a table and shiver against the cool hard metal pressed against my flesh. "April, start a line, Karai undress her. Raph get Mike and Leo." Donatello's orders are short and efficient and I can hear him moving things in an almost methodical rhythm.

" _Zoe, I want this baby."_

" _Then I guess… we're having a baby."_

"I'm not leaving." Raph's voice cracks.

"I NEED HELP RAPHAEL, NOW GO!" Donatello yells like I've never heard before. Hearing Raphael snarl and his fist hitting something makes me try to open my eyes, only to find them impossibly heavy. My body is naked and trembling for a moment before I feel the warmth of a blanket drape over me.

_He's lying me down and he's assuming his favorite resting spot, only now he curls up to my side and rests his face against the mass that is my belly. I love him._

"Somebody tell me why there's a trail of blood from the front porch, down the hall to the- Oh, shit-" Michelangelo falls to a loss of words for the maybe the second time since I've met him.

My body twitches and shudders and my legs are moved, before there's a gentle pressure between them. "Donnie the first babies perineal. If we can get her to push, it shouldn't take long." April's voice is soft, weak.

Leo's voice came next, "What is going on and why is Raph losing his shit? And who's bleeding all over the – Oh, hell."

" _I'm so tired."_

" _You're right there Zo, you've got this."_

" _We have a boy."_

" _What's his name?"_

" _Antonello."_

"She's got to push. Leo, get Raph and I don't care if you have to beat the shit out of him, get him in here and you two be ready to catch babies. Fuck, this room is not even sanitized right now!" Donnie sounds like he's on the verge of losing it himself and if I wasn't so drowsy I might have the sense to be scared.

"Donnie, she really needs to push," April sounds like she's crying.

" _You still love me?"_

" _Bonded for life."_

" _What?"_

" _Nothing, I love you for always Zoe."_

"Zoe, look at me. Please Z," Karai's voice is just inches from my cheek and she pushes my hair out of my eyes, "Zoe."

I blink furiously and my blurry Japanese friend comes into focus, her warm brown eyes wet with tears.

"Why are you crying Karai?" I murmur.

"We need you to push, Zoe. The first baby is ready, I'm going to help you sit up and when you feel the next contraction, push as hard as you can. Give it everything you've got Sweet Girl, come on."

" _Tell me what to do Zoe," His lips brush my throat with his heavenly voice and those words…_

Michelangelo appears by my side, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Help her sit up Mike." Karai said, taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. "Zoe, anytime now. Come on." She shakes my hand, "I know you feel that Zoe, come on!"

" _I want you in every way that I can have you Zoe, in every way and for always."_

"ZOE!" I hear Raph, before I feel him reaching deep within me. _There's that gale force wind_. My love is pulling me back from the lingering veil threatening to take me away. When I open my eyes he's in my face, eyes wide with fear, yet his voice is steeled with resolve and commands me like never before, "Open your eyes and look at me Zoe, NOW."

I try to focus on him, "Raph?" My voice sounds feeble, pathetic.

He nods, "Push Z. We've got a baby waiting on you to finish your part. He's almost here, now come on."

I swallow as my body trembles. Beyond the agony of labor I feel so heavy and weak. But as I look in his eyes, and he takes my hand to share his energy with me, I will myself to take a deep breath and push as hard as I can with my next contraction. Then I feel him slip from within me.

" _And Andrea. Don't forget the girl Z."_

_I rolled my eyes, "and Andrea. Like I could ever forget the girl who has you wrapped around her finger."_

_He pulled me to him, pressing his lips against my ear, "I thought that was you."_

Donatello immediately launches into his next set of orders, "Leo, take the baby." I feel pressure between my legs, "The next baby is flipped and I've got to do a c-section. Shit, she's losing too much blood. Karai, I need you to hang another bag of saline, April start another line and hang a bag of O neg."

" _What're you holdin' on to?"_

_More tears slid down my cheeks as I watched his eyes, opening my hand like a flower blooming to reveal his mask, "You."_

"Donnie," Leo's voice is almost inaudible but I hear it and his words yank me from my memories, "The babies not breathing."

"Leo, clear his airway," Donatello instructs and I feel a cold liquid wash over the entire lower half of my body, "I've got to clean the surgery site. And everybody not doing something go wash your hands, put on gloves, a gown and a mask, then relieve someone who hasn't done it yet and hurry the hell up!"

Leo sounds like he's crying, "Donnie, I cleared his airway and did everything you told me."

No, no, no. We didn't make it all this way to lose you now.

"Raph," I mumble, opening my eyes to find his gaze on his brother's shell. "Raph, give me the baby."

Karai squeezes my hand.

With my body still contracting and feeling even more drained since delivering one, Leo's words provoke me and I gather everything I have then scream with what voice I have left, "SOMEBODY GIVE ME MY BABY NOW!"

I catch sight of Karai, April and Mikey startle. Donatello stops what he's doing and looks up. Without a word Raphael takes the tiny shelled babe from his brother's arms and brings him to me, laying him across my chest but not looking in my eyes. I pull my hand free of Karai and struggle to wrap my arms around the tiny, limp green baby.

"Hey," I blink, trying to focus on him, stroking the back of his tiny head with my shaking fingers, so weak that they almost won't do what I'm asking of them. I cradle one hand under him and scoot him up so my mouth presses against the side of his head, "Come here to me now. You belong here, your family needs you. Now come." And I summon all the energy within me and push it into him as my world fades to black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Michelangelo**

"Dddddonnie, I don't think Zoe's breathing," I choke. I'm holding her up and feel her body go limp in my arms.

At the same time the baby coughs and starts crying.

Raph snatches up the tiny green bundle, handing him off to Leo before pressing the side of his head to Zoe's chest, "No, she's breathing, she's just out." My red clad brother looks at Donatello, "Can you even give her a general when she's lost this much blood?"

Donatello nods, "I already did that's why she's out. Now wash up and get back in here, we've got two more to go."

Raph agrees, disappears and returns as covered as the rest of us. In the next five minutes Donnie cut my sister open, moved her organs to the side and pulled out a baby. It was the wildest, most terrifying thing I've ever seen and I've seen some crazy shit.

He hands the second baby to Raph then somehow pulls yet another green blob from Zoe's body and hands it to me. Holding the tiny squirming infant I step alongside Raph and Leo and do everything I've been told to. I use the big blue bulb to clear his tiny nostrils and mouth while he smacks at my hands with his tiny three fingers, screaming and flailing in protest.

"Hey, little guy, chill out. It's all good. You're here now." I tell the infant. Then he stops crying, opens his eyes and I about fall over. They are a deep gray like his mothers. He's looking right at me but all I can see are memories of her, from the moment she laid eyes on my brother and I knew he'd bring her home, right up to the day I met Exodus and had her to thank for it.

My heart swells and my eyes fill but I have to keep it together, "Let's get you a bath little dude."

"How are the babies?" Donatello demands an update and I can hear frantic movements going on behind me. I glance over my shoulder and a lump rises in my throat. Donnie is pointing to April whose fingers are in my sister's abdomen and sewing, Karai's hanging a third bag of blood and Zoe is a deathly shade of white.

"Baby A is good," Leo replies, efficiently.

"Mines good," Raph says numbly, glancing over his shoulder at Zoe and taking a shuddering breath.

He needs a distraction.

"Well they're all yours Raph," I quip.

His eyes slide over to me, then down to the gray eyed baby I am gently drying with a towel and the corners of his mouth turn up slightly, "Yea, they are."

"Baby C is good too Donnie." I answer dutifully.

"How's their Mother?" Raph asks before he holds Baby B against his plastron and makes his way over to Zoe's side, stroking her cheek and whispering something in her ear.

"Just finishing up, we've got the bleeding to stop and I'm going to go ahead and start her on an antibiotic just in case." Donnie lowers a clean blanket over Zoe, and April hands him a syringe of something he injects into the tube hanging from her arm.

Raph uncovers the baby he holds, then lifts up the blanket covering Zoe and lays the infant on her chest, "Leo, bring me the baby." He says reaching for the tiny bundle in my blue clad brothers arms. Leo hands the biggest of the three babies over to Raph, who places him alongside his brother, "Mike." He motions for me and I un-wrap the gray eyed baby and hand him over. The infant squawks in protest until his plastron meets his mom's skin.

The three babies sleep nestled up to her and Raph leans against the wall looking down at them.

"We need to keep a close eye on all four of them for at least the next twenty four hours. Raph, I'm going to give Zoe something to wake her up, she needs to rest, but she'll need to feed the babies too."

Raph nods, never taking his eyes off them.

"You guys did well," Donnie says as he looks over us. Karai and April are leaning on each other crying what I think were tears of relief. Leo looks like he's just defeated the Shredder and I feel like I've gone a round or two with him myself. Raph looks like he's just climbed from the pit of hell and Donnie looks like he's the one who led him out of it. And in a way, he did.

**Raphael**

Donnie injects something into her line that brings her around and I'm almost sorry, because her face crumbles in pain and tears roll down her cheeks.

"All I can give her is Percocet and Ibuprofen," he says checking the incision on her abdomen and covering her back up.

I reach to pull the sleeping babies from her chest but she blocks my arm, at the same time grabbing my hand and lowering it just below where their tiny bodies end.

"Hey," I whisper, peering into her sleepy gray eyes.

"Hey yourself," she croaks, licks her lips and rolls her eyes.

"You can have some ice-chips Zoe, Mikey just brought them for you." Donnie leans over her and I take the cup from his hand, slipping one in her mouth.

The smallest baby writhes and squeaks before stretching out a tiny hand and smacking his big brother. The firstborn and largest of the three scrunches up his face and lets out a scream, and the middle babe ignores them both.

Zoe gazes at them adoringly and I can't help myself. Our entire lives together raced through my brain in the past two hours and it's been all I can do to keep it together. Now, with her stroking the tops of their round little heads, victorious yet again, when she'd been so close to death not an hour ago, tears threaten me and I press my mouth against hers, determined to fend them off.

The largest of the three shrieks in protest against my invasion of his space and smacks at my neck. "Already? You just got here." I tell him, standing up and sticking my finger in his hand, where he grabs on, yet continues to scream.

"I think he's hungry. Can you take the other two," she starts to laugh but winces and opts for a feeble smile, "Just move them and help me to sit up so I can nurse them."

Loading my arms with babes I stick my head in the hall, "Anybody wanna hold two babies?"

Karai, Exodus and April each stand up from the couch but Mikey and Leo beat them.

"Really?" I can't hide my surprise. They've always wanted to hold any of the babies that we already have, but there's something different about this and I realize that Mikey reaches for Baby C and Leo frowns when he doesn't see Baby A. I nod, "I'll bring him to you in a few. Can you take B for now?"

Leo pops up an eye ridge, "B?"

"Yea, they don't have names yet. We never picked any out, we were to worried something would happen."

Leo nods, taking Baby B, "I get it. But can I get Baby A as soon as you guys are done with him?"

I snort, "Sure Leo, and you get your own baby altogether in like eight more weeks."

"That's true and I love her already, but he wasn't alive and-" My brothers blue eyes fill, he looks away, blinks, then swallows, "Zoe's amazing Raph."

"Tell me about it." I clap him on the arm and turn to go back in the lab.


	13. Chapter 13

**Zoe**

To say my body hurts is an understatement and the aggressive baby suckling my breast while pinching fistfuls of my skin isn't helping.

Raph snorts, "Did he just growl?"

I look at him skeptically as I pry the tiny fingers from my flesh, "Like that would be a real shock."

"Yeah, I guess not." He sits down in a rolling chair that Donnie has brought him and holds my hand. "What're we going to name them?"

"I'm not sure. I mean Anton and Andrea were renaissance artists. Even Rachel is named after Rachel Ruysch."

Raph snorts.

"What?"

"She was Dutch."

"Careful Raph, your intelligence is showing. We wouldn't want anyone else to find out that you're actually pretty smart."

"You know what if you hadn't just nearly died I'd have to go a round or two with you for that."

"Settle for a kiss?"

"Just this once," he grumbles.

"Sure, just this once," I grin.

He kisses me fervently and I wish my body had healed already. I can't wait to be in his arms. The baby beneath us squeaks and releases my breast. I lift him up as Raph sinks deeper into the chair. I look at the lightly pebbled, perfect, but very deep green infant with piercing blue eyes, "Raph, don't take this the wrong way, but he totally looks like Leo."

Raph scoffs, "Yeah well Baby B looks like Donnie, and except for his gray eyes Baby C looks like Mikey."

"Raph, we should let them name them."

He sits up straight, and I can tell by the energy that drifts my way he likes the idea. "I think maybe you're right. But we get final say. Mikey might come back with something crazy."

"Did I hear Leo is waiting to hold Baby A, here?"

"Yea."

"Go ahead and take him, bring me the next hungry fella and tell the guys to think of names for their new nephews. Oh and where are Anton and Andrea? Did I miss the introductions?"

"No, Splinter has them camping out in the dojo. It was pretty crazy here. We didn't know how things were going to turn out."

"Good. Once everyone's fed, why don't you bring the babies and our whole family in here so Anton and Drea' can meet their brothers?"

"Zoe."

"Hmmm?"

"Will you never stop?"

"Raphael, the day I stop, that's the day you should worry. Now go, bring me another baby."

It was late by the time I'd nursed the last babe and Mike had crept out to the barn to get the kids and Splinter, but they were all sleeping and I'd instructed him not to wake them if that was the case. So Raph slept in the chair by my side and the babies were each in the care of a different brother, the one that was chosen to name him.

But now the blue clad leader is hovering in the doorway to the lab holding a gurgling infant. Raph sits up and reaches out to take the baby, but Leo is dragging a chair in with him and merely sits down on my other side without giving him up.

His cobalt eyes catch the light from the hall and I admire the endless honor I can always find within them. He gazes down at the wiggling babe in his hands and clears his throat.

Raph shifts but says nothing.

"Zoe, there just aren't words for what you did today," he looks from the baby to me, "I can't tell you how many times in the past five years you've blown my mind. You came into this family and fit like we'd been waiting for you all along, changed our lives, and today you saved his. I don't know how you did it but I saw the energy leave you and flow into him, I saw it," he swallows, "you are nothing short of amazing and my brother is blessed to have you and I'm honored to name your son."

If my body wasn't in such a pathetic state I'd throw my arms around his thick neck, but in my weakness I can only whisper, "I love you too Leonardo."

He smiles, his blue eyes shining.

"Did you pick a name for him?"

Leo nods, staring at the infant with the same love he would hold for his own daughter very soon. "Hisao. You shared your life force with him and someday I will tell him his life story. I can't think of a more fitting name."

"It's perfect Leo."

"I named mine too," Donatello's voice comes from the hall, before he appears holding our brown eyed baby.

I glance at Raph who has a perfect smirk on his face.

"Well, tell us Donnie."

"Kei, because I think you are blessed."

I want badly to hug this brother too. He just saved my life and helped get the babies here safely. That is a debt I can never repay. "I love it Donatello."

Mikey whines from behind Donnie in the hall, "Well my names not Japanese. Should I go back and do it over?"

"Come on Mikey, I want to hear what you came up with." I call to him.

"Probably something crazy like Wolverine or Spidey," Raph grumbles.

"No, but either of those would be a cool nickname," Mikey steps around Donnie, grinning as he rocks the gray eyed baby in his arms.

"The suspense is killing me Mikey," I urge him on.

"Well I love his eyes," his fair blue eyes meet mine, shining with all the magic that is Michelangelo, "they remind me of my sister, who I love very much. So I thought Grey."

A knot rises in my throat but I swallow it and give my orange clad brother a whole hearted smile, "I had total faith in you Mikey, he looks like a Grey."

I soak up each brother, from Leo and all of his honor and grace, to Donnie and his intellect, and Mikey who just overflows with heart before turning to Raphael. "You know what's really happening here, don't you?"

Raph snickers, "Yep."

We both look at the brothers as the babies they hold wiggle and whimper.

"They're hungry." Raph and I say at the same time.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Raphael**

It's early morning and Zoe is nursing Kei for the fourth time since his arrival. She's still pale as death, with dark circles under her weary gray eyes, her lips pale and chapped, yet as she holds the tea green infant in her arms, she's never looked more beautiful.

I thought we were sleep deprived caring for Anton and Andrea when they were each born. Taking care of three infants at the same time is torture. Even with my brothers each coming back for the child they named, Zoe nurses them every two and a half hours and each one is a hungry guy, eating for fifteen minutes each. That's forty five minutes of feeding and another ten for me changing everyone's diaper, by then it's been almost an hour and is almost time to start over.

But as the sun creeps through the window in the front door, drifting down the hall to the lab, and Donnie unhooks Zoe's IV telling her we'll take her upstairs this morning, I feel a wash of relief. As Zoe hands Kei over to April and Karai forces Leo to pass Hisao over to us, I'm getting excited.

"What time is it?" I ask for the tenth time in the past half hour.

"Go see if they're up yet. You're driving me nuts." She yawns but the gleam in her sleepy gray eyes tells me she's just as eager. Her gaze shifts to Karai, "Do you mind seeing if Mikey can bring Grey down and invite X to come with him. I think Master Splinter, Antonello and Andrea are getting ready to meet our newest family members."

Karai wipes the sleep from her eyes, yawns and disappears into the hall.

I kiss Zoe's head then slip out the lab door and right as I step into the kitchen my Sensei, Anton and Drea have just closed the back door.

"Good morning Raphael. I trust that all is well?" Sensei's eyes glisten and I give him a slight bow.

"It is." Then looking from my father to my children I ask them, "Do you guys want to meet your baby brothers?"

"Yes!" They both shriek, attacking my legs. Scooping one up in each arm and motioning for my Sensei to go first, we make our way to the lab.

Splinter held each infant in turn, gazing at them with reflection in his eyes. Then Leo, Donnie and Mikey each held a baby so Andrea could kiss the top of their heads.

Antonello grips my hand, staring at them without saying a word. He gazes up at me with wide green eyes and I see myself in him for the hundredth time, only this time, I'm seeing the best of me, and the best of him.

" _Anton there is no one else in the world like you. Daddy and your uncles are not even, exactly like you. You are very special and we love you."_

"Daddy," he swallows and the hope in his eyes tugs at my heart, "are they like me?"

Zoe bites her trembling lip. She nods through her tear covered, long red lashes, "Yes, Baby, they are just like you."

" _Mommy, why do you and Drea' look different than me and Daddy? Franklin's mommy and sister look like him."_

Anton releases my hand and walks over to where my brothers stand, and they each kneel so he can see the babies. Antonello holds out his finger, looks over at me and I nod, then he offers it to Grey and the infant wraps a tiny green digit around his big brothers. A spark of light illuminates Antonello's green eyes as he studies the baby.

"What is his name?" Anton asks suddenly, looking up at Mikey.

"Grey. You can't tell cas' his eyes are closed right now, but they look just like your Mom's." Mikey smiles at Anton, "Do you like it?"

Antonello's head bobs enthusiastically, "Yes! Yes!'

He glances at Donnie and points to the baby he's holding, "What's his name?"

"Kei, it means blessed. I think this family is blessed Antonello, don't you?"

Anton reaches out his other hand, offering it to Kei who, like Grey, grabs his big brother's finger eagerly. "I do," he whispers, gazing into Kei's brown eyes.

" _Anton, we just can't be seen by humans. It's not safe. They're scared of us and we don't want that. People do crazy stuff when they get scared."_

" _You mean when they don't understand."_

Antonello looks to me then his mom, "I have brothers of my own." Although he's smiling, tears stream down his cheeks and I find it impossible not to cry with him.

I hear Leo take a deep breath and see him look away then back as Antonello approaches him.

"And what's _his_ name?" Anton grins, wiping away his tears and touching the top of Hisao's head with his hand.

"Hisao, it means life story. And I don't know a family with a greater story than this one." Leo glances at me and I nod, then he holds the baby out to Anton, "Antonello, do you want to hold your baby brother?"

Anton's head whips around to look at me and Zoe.

" _You're brave Daddy."_

" _How's that?"_

" _You save people even though they'd hurt you."_

"Go on Antonello, it's ok." I smile at him through the damn mist in my eyes and I feel Zoe's fingers wrap around my hand. I don't know when I told her last, but I love her with every fiber of my being and I make a mental note to be sure I let her know it and soon.

"Sit in this chair and hold your arms out, be careful of his head, okay Anton?" Leo guides my four year old to a chair and the boy sits diligently, following my brothers every instruction. When Leo places Hisao in Antonello's arms he lets out a nervous gasp, as his eyes study every feature on the infant.

" _I can't have friends cas' I'm the only me and I'm scary to everybody. But I didn't do anything wrong. It don't make sense."_

" _No, it doesn't and I'm sorry."_

"Just like me." He whispers as he touches the baby's cheek and hands, "Just like me." He kisses his brothers head, "I love you Brother."

Zoe had been right all along. There really was no greater gift she could've given Anton and with it within her power to try, she did, and for all our suffering, it was worth it.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Five Months Later**

**Zoe**

"You're open, Zoe. You keep closing off here, when you should be closed here and open here."

Raph adjusts my arms, shoulders and hips and I groan.

"You're better than this. Do it again."

He's adjusting my body for moves that I can do in my sleep and I hate it. My body is an incredible thing, it's grown and born five children but in the process something happened to my back and I didn't want him to know. But hiding it was hard. I keep conditioning to rebuild strength and it's helping but it's a slow, agonizing process.

His foot comes across my ankles and I narrowly miss avoiding his leg sweep, then his fist comes at me and as I block the punch, his leg comes forward and he sweeps me off my feet anyway.

I lie on the mat and slap my hand against it, my chest heaving. We've been on a strict regimen for the past month. Shower, feed babies, warm up, train, eat breakfast, feed babies, train, condition, eat lunch, feed babies, train, play with family, eat dinner, feed babies, begin the bedtime routine that took three hours in itself. We're exhausted but I'm slowly getting back in shape.

"Zoe?" He taps my side with his foot.

I grab his ankle and fling my leg up and around his, trapping it before applying a twist that sends him falling toward me.

Smirking I watch as he braces his fall, bringing himself to hover over me.

"You used to close your eyes when I'd fall on you like that." His eyes are bright with surprise and they dart over me as the corners of his mouth quirk up in a pleased grin. I reach up, wrapping my fingers among the tattered tails of his mask, pulling him to me.

"I thought I trusted you then, and I did, but I knew you'd hurt me if you ever actually fell on me. And you still would, but now I know that you'd maim yourself before you ever let that happen." I smile against his lips, "I trust you with everything I am Raphael. There's no fear of you here."

He grumbles begrudgingly but can't hide the sparkle in his eyes, and I laugh when he nudges my jaw and I tilt back my head giving him access to my throat. "Mmmm," I hum as the warmth of his breath against my skin sends shivers throughout me.

He chuckles in between feather light brushes of his lips over my neck and the sound changes the rhythm of my heart. "Zoe," he breathes as he places kisses strategically over my pulse thrumming in my neck, to the scar of his own mark on my shoulder, finally slipping down to wear my heart slams against my sternum, "I love you."

I lower my chin, placing the threadbare fabric of his mask against my lips and I breathe in his unique cedarwood and sweat scent, allowing it to wash over me, provoking memories that bring a lump to my throat and moisture to my eyes. "I love you too Big Guy," I whisper, tracing his nuchal shell with my fingertips, letting each groove, and dip tell its own story.

My skin is covered in scars of its own and as I let my wondering hands caress his unyielding flesh and bone, from the khanji on his arm, to the scar over his lip his body speaks to me, telling me its journey, and he does the like, with hands that have grown as skilled with my body as they are with his sai.

With fingers tracing, our eyes follow and we take turns, I outline the brand on his arm and he whispers, "family," before placing his lips over my shoulder where I hum, "you," then I press my lips against a small crescent on his shoulder and he grins, his eyes flickering with the memory, "you." I run my tongue over the tiny mark, tasting the salt of sweat on him, before closing my lips and dragging them against his pebbled emerald colored skin, moving up his neck where I rub my cheek against the side of his face and he growls before turning his head to plant his lips on my own, all the while unzipping the front closure of my bra.

His mouth leaves mine, seeking my breasts, swollen from nursing three infants, and he takes long draws off each while moaning at the taste of me, and the sound paired with the tingling sensation sends a jolt straight through my stomach, down to my pelvis and out through my toes, "Raph," I breathe, raising my hips in search of him.

He wrestles off my pants greeting me with the friction of his palm and he gasps at how wet I am before latching onto my breast again. It has been so long and I hurt for want of him. He strokes the insides of my thighs and I let them fall away, opening myself to him. As he slowly edges his finger inside me I shudder, clenching my teeth and reaching for something to hold on to. Releasing my breast with a growl, that reminds me of the sound Hisao makes when he nurses, I laugh, and find flaming green eyes burning into me, a trace of milk splashed across his lips. Flashing me an indignant look he withdraws his finger leaving me seeking friction yet again.

"Mean," I gasp.

He shakes his head, shifts his hips and I feel the pressure I so desire, sinking into me as he lowers his mouth to mine and whispers, "Not today I'm not."


	16. Chapter 16

**Zoe**

"Come on Z, come on!" Mikey grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet, ducking and weaving and I haven't even moved.

I glance at Raph who rolls his eyes.

Michelangelo's feet are giving him away as he inches his way closer with every bob and fake punch. Once he's within arm's reach he spins around and goes for a leg sweep. I growl and reverse his attack sending him to his shell with a grunt. With my teeth clenched I stand over him, "Stop goin' easy on me. I had a baby I'm not a beginner."

His playful smile gives way to a frown that doesn't belong on my beloved brother's face, "Sorry Zoe, but you had three babies and you were just short of gutted on a table where you nearly died." He rolls to his feet and stands over me with one hand on my shoulder, "I know you're no beginner Sis but I don't want to hurt you."

Snatching his hand from my shoulder I whirl into him, twist his arm and give him a flip that sends a pain shooting through my lower back. I hiss against the daggers that snap around my lumbar before jolting down my right leg so sharp I have to bend my knee.

"I told you Raph! I told you she was hurting. Look at that." He points to me while looking to Raphael.

I cover my face, not realizing my animal side is releasing an audible snarl until Raph's hand came down on my biceps. "Look at me Z."

Shaking my head I try to turn away from him, but it's useless. He tries to put a finger under my chin but I swipe him away. "Stop it Raph, I'm fine. I'll be fine."

"This is not fine. Have you talked ta Donnie about it?"

I thrust a hand into his plastron, "Back off Raphael. I am fine and I already know what you're thinking but it's not happening."

He sneers at me, "What, what am I thinkin'?" He throws his hands up, his voice escalating with his temper. "Tell me Zoe, since no one can tell you anything, and you know everything! What am I thinkin'?"

"Fuck you Raph." I turn to leave but he spins me around at the same time he's yelling at his brother, "Get out Mike and don't let anyone near this dojo until we come out." He flings me over one shoulder then marches over to the crash mats while I smack his shell. Somehow he makes quick work of restraining me while he piles up the thick mats. Then, right as the barn door closes behind Michelangelo, I find myself flying up in the air.

I tuck and land on my feet in the middle of the thick blue wedge while he stands on the edge of it glaring at me.

"It seems like we need to get some things straight in here." He crosses his arms over his plastron and his eyes harden like green glass.

"Like what?"

"Respect for one. Who am I to you when we are in here?"

I glare at him.

"Answer me Zoe."

My teeth clench so hard I fear they might break. "You aren't benching me Raphael."

"Wrong answer," he shakes his head, "Try again and I want you to think carefully, because if I have to tell you, you will suffer for it."

Staring into his eyes I know there's no out. I can look for a weapon, there are plenty around, I can get off the mat and fight him, I can bolt for the door, I have options, but what I know is the truth and there's no way around that. Raphael wants me to be safe and we both knew that if I let him, he'll get me there and in one piece.

"You're my Sensei."

"Better." He rubs his face and tightens his mask. "So do we both understand my job and yours?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"Good, now get off the mats and come over here."

I do as instructed and he guides my body into a series of stances, touching the base of my lumbar spine and asking me if I feel any pain or weakness. Then he spars with me, watching for flinching and bracing. Once he's satisfied with that he puts me through a full workout. I have no problems until I pike on a back layout and would've missed my landing if he hadn't caught me.

"You're bracing." He shakes his head and I nod in agreement.

"See Donnie, but I think if you spend an extra hour a day on yoga and keep conditioning you'll probably be alright." Running his fingers down my spine he goes on, "We need to strengthen these muscles." Then he leans down to look me in the eye, "Zoe, don't be so quick to think I want to put you on the bench." He grins and I want to fight him and fuck him right then. "I've missed having you with me in a fight."


	17. Chapter 17

**Raphael**

"So what are you saying Leo?" I whisper my question while holding a sleeping Grey in my arms. A glance at the clock tells me he'll be waking up hungry any minute now. Zoe, as if reading my mind, places a bottle in my hand before taking a seat on the floor of the dojo, next to me. Hisao just finished nursing and seems to be in a milk induced coma in her arms.

Leo passes his ebony haired infant daughter to Karai and sighs.

Donnie holds one of Rachel's little fingers as she tries to balance herself before she lets go and toddles over to April. He glances in my direction, "He's saying we tuned out what was going on in New York for the past year and it's gotten out of control. These rogue hybrids are not even trying to be discreet. There are clips of them on the news. They've held up businesses, broken into cars, vandalized buildings, mugged people…"

"You mean they've committed normal everyday New York crimes. The only difference is they're hybrids." Zoe sneers at Donnie as though he's offended her.

"Yes- but _we_ released them. We contributed to the increase in crime. It's our responsibility to fix that." Leo cast a sympathetic glance at Zoe then quickly set his gaze on me. I have to fight the smirk that begs to make its way to my face. Leo doesn't want a civil war and lately the topic of hybrids is starting to rub Zoe the wrong way.

"Don't look at Raphael to help you Leo. I know we need to get back and look into this, but I want to understand who the players are and what's going on. The hybrids we released were so excited to be free… This just doesn't make any sense." She stands up, "I have to go check on Kei."

"Sofu has him." I tell her, pointing to the floor, "Sit. This meeting ain't over."

Her jaw shifts and her grey eyes narrow as she sinks back to the floor, "Fine."

Michelangelo shuffles into the dojo, rubbing his eyes as he makes his way to Donatello, "He's not doin' so good Donnie. Think you could look him over again?"

My heart wrenches, one thing Zoe and I are fortunate enough to say about each of our babies is that they are all healthy. Hisao is bonded to her at an almost intolerable level, but we all chalk that up to his birth and try to cope with it. But Mikey and Exodus' son has been frail and sickly since birth.

Donnie puts a hand on Mikey's shoulder, "Sure Mike." He glances in Zoe's direction, "You want to try that thing we talked about?"

I stiffen. _What_ _thing?  
_

Zoe gives Donnie a solemn look, "Definitely."

"What's going on?"

"We're going to try a transfusion. Zoe was the closest they had to a perfect specimen so maybe her blood will help Noah. I theorize that Midori and Rachel are healthy because they are human-females, but I believe Noah is weak because he is both male and turtle. Yet your children are all healthy. So I suspect it must be Zoe's DNA. We want to try a transfusion and perhaps a bone marrow transplant."

That does make sense.

Exodus chooses this moment to make us all aware that she's been standing in the doorway holding the sick baby. "There were better anti-rejection meds in the lab. If we could find Stockman's new lab I'm sure he'd have them. I hated being a lab experiment and I sure as hell don't want that for Noah. At least I know the meds will work."

Donatello frowns, "Actually we don't. Noah wasn't made, he was born."

Tears of exhaustion slip down Exodus' cheeks and Mike is quick to her side, kissing and hugging his mate and their infant. "Well I won't have him go through everything Zoe and I did! I say we get the meds and then you can do lab work to see which of the three methods might help him best."

"I think it's time to call my cousins guys." April says, getting to her feet.

"Huh?" Leo's head whips in her direction.

Zoe stands suddenly and Karai follows suit.

_What's going on here?  
_

"It's time to go back to New York," Zoe nods.

"I'm staying here with my cousins, Splinter and the kids. Someone has to be here that can help Laurel, Wren and Robin and who knows the intricacies of this family. They aren't trained martial artists and no offense Raph and Zoe, but your two oldest could probably subdue the childcare." April winks at Zoe whose cheeks flush.

"What are they a flock of birds?" I quip.

April glares at me, "Funny Raph. No, Laurel is their older sister but Robin and Wren are fraternal twins."

Leo opens his mouth to speak but Karai beats him to it, "Enough, April make the call. Exodus, do you want to stay here with Noah?"

"No, but I will stay at the lair with Noah and Hisao. If we need Donnie I don't want to be two hours away from him."

"Why's Hisao goin?" I don't like this. I want all of my kids together and safe, here at the farm house.

Zoe whirls on me, "You _know_ why Raphael. He won't take a bottle or even settle for anyone longer than three hours. I can't be worried about him here driving our babysitters mad. Exodus can handle it. He's just going to have to go with us."

I already know how this is going to go but I throw it out there anyway, "Or you could stay here with our kids."

"All right, I'm with Karai, April make the call and let's go pack. We can be in New York by nightfall." Zoe nods in April's direction. April leaves the dojo without another word, Zoe and Karai right behind her. Exodus hands Noah over to Mike and follows them.

She not only completely ignored me but left me and my brothers looking at each other.

"What just happened?" Leo looks at each of us then waves his hand toward the door in disbelief.

"I think the women just took charge of the situation," Donnie smirks.

"But I'm the leader," Leo whines still staring at the doorway.


	18. Chapter 18

**Raphael**

**The Lair**

**Five Hours Later**

In two short hours we were packed and April's cousins were on the next flight to New York. Splinter and April insisted they could manage the four of mine and Zoe's kids, along with Karai and Leo's baby girl Midori, as well as Rachel until help arrived. I thought they were nuts, but April went on some kind of tangent about how some women handle a dozen kids by themselves so surely the two of them could.

The women didn't have a problem with it. Although I saw Zoe's eyes tear up as she kissed each of our babies. That look of reflection however, was nowhere to be found when she loaded arrows in her quiver, packed her bow, tessen, shuriken, and knives.

Now she was tugging the rubber band from her hair and shaking her wild red waves loose. Then she proceeded to slip her feet into a pair of gray high heeled shoes.

"Where do you think you're goin'?" I ask, gazing at her from my spot on the bed, with Hisao asleep on my plastron. It can't be comfortable but he always wants to be either there or on Zoe's chest. If he does sleep on something softer it has to be between us or another family member. But the kid never fails to sense it when there's no one in the room with him.

Right now his mother is tugging on the hem of a shiny silver colored dress that has me wanting to stick him in the crib and throw her on the bed. The color sets off her eyes and they seem to shine like polished chrome. A coy smile plays on her coral colored lips and she raises a cinnamon colored eyebrow, "I'm going fishing."

"You're not goin' anywhere without me," I say, trying to shift Hisao onto the mattress. Milk induced comas are great things, I can move him and unless we leave he won't even stir. I have my hands on her by my next breath, and I bend over to look her in the eye, "What's the plan Feisty?"

She purses her lips, draws her head back, "What makes you think I have a plan and who are you calling Feisty?"

As I hover near her jaw she tips back her head, challenging me with a mere look.

"Mmm, you," my hands slip from her biceps down to her hips and I squeeze her butt, "Always you."

With the slightest turn of her head her lips brush mine, and she whispers, "I thought Leo was the planner."

A low chuckle escapes me, "Yeah, you're the schemer."

My fingers brush the skin of her thighs just below the edge of her dress. I slip them under and up a little higher and find the holsters she wears to hold her weapons.

"See that right there, is evidence of a plan." I say, tugging on the black material.

"Karai and I are going out for drinks. I just like to be prepared." She steps out of my reach and moves for the door.

"Hey!" I protest a little too loudly and Hisao whimpers from the bed.

"Shhh!" She scolds me, opens the door and steps out.

I glance down at the stirring baby. If I walk out he'll wake up and she knows it.

Screw it, she ain't goin out without telling me where. But right as I open the door I find her standing on the other side of it, a playful grin on her face.

"Had ya going for a second there didn't I Big Guy?" She winks then explains herself, "We'll have phones, a tracking bracelet, not to mention our emotional bond. You will be able to find me if anything happens."

A shiver pricks at my insides and I shake my head, "I don't like it. I say we'll watch from above."

"Fine, but I'm leaving now." She points down to the lair entry where Karai pops a hand on her hip and frowns at me.

"Where's X?" I motion toward Hisao, "If I leave this room-"

"I'm right here. Mikey and Donnie are coming with you." Exodus carries Noah and makes her way up the steps. "We'll just sleep in there with him. It'll be fine. Go ahead."

"Sometime tonight would be great," Karai complains.

"I'm coming," Zoe waves her off then flashes Exodus a grateful smile, "Thanks X, take care of my boy."

"Sure thing Z, go stir up trouble." Exodus' bright blue eyes sparkle as she gives Zoe a knowing look.

A protesting growl rises up in my chest.

"Don't say things like that X, you get him all riled up." Zoe grabs my hand as she laughs and leads me downstairs.

We leave on foot, through the garage exit and I put an arm around her pulling her to the side next to the fire escape. "We should… get that pain connection turned back on Z."

The frown on her face doesn't sit well with me and what she says bothers me even more.

"Not until all of this is over Raph. We still have our emotional connection and I don't feel like pain is something we need to share. It's gotten so that I can block that one part and I think it's for the best."

My stomach quivers. "Why? I want to be able to feel you completely."

Her gray eyes flash, "You feel me every day Big Guy. I'm not budging on this. If anything happens to one of us, the other still needs to be able to function." She glances in Karai's direction and I catch sight of Leo lecturing her while she gazes up at the night sky, arms crossed over her chest.

I'm not going to lecture Zoe and she's partly right. If either of us are hurt we can't risk being incapacitated by pain and unable to help the other. And the familiar vibration that fills me from within tells me she is in fact with me.

"Is your com on?"

She stretches up on the toes of her shoes and I feel the corners of my mouth curve, she still can't reach me, even though they add three inches to her height. Her fingers wrap around the tails of my mask and she lures me to her. As our lips meet I hear a throat clearing from behind me.

"I'm sorry but five kids, is more than enough. Hands off each other, we've got work to do." Karai tugs on Zoe's arm and I grumble in protest as Zoe releases me, linking her arm through Karai's as they make their way down the alley onto the sidewalk.


	19. Chapter 19

**Zoe**

Once we were out of earshot I turn off my com and Karai does the same.

"Well what'd you find out?" I step away from Karai and look her up and down, "And by the way you look so damn hot tonight."

Karai snickers, tugging on the straps of her cobalt blue camisole dress. "Thanks, I think Leo liked it too."

"No doubt, we've still got it." I grin, playfully bumping into her side, with my hip.

My friend reaches over and pinches my butt, "Mmm, damn right we do." She glances down at herself. Her thighs were slightly thicker and her hips a little wider than before, but then so are mine. "But I'll tell you two things, one I'm never giving birth again, and two we are getting too old for this shit."

We both laugh as we make our way toward the club we'd gone to the first night we met. My phone is ringing from the holster strapped to my thigh.

Karai's red lips purse as she raises a dark eyebrow. "You should probably get that, or we're likely to be remanded right off the street."

I sigh, "You're probably right. I just wish he'd give me a little space."

Karai's thin fingers wrap around my shoulder, "You almost died Zoe. You're lucky to get any space from any of us."

My heart flutters, "I love you too Karai."

Her cheeks flush, "Stop with the sappy stuff and let's go find my contact. He said-" She stops and points to my still ringing thigh then across the street, diagonal to us, "Answer that, I can see Leo trying to talk Raph down on the rooftop ahead of us."

My shoulders slump as I reach under my skirt and wrap my fingers around the phone. Giving the screen a quick swipe and tap I'm greeted with Raph screaming in my ear.

"Why's your com off? What aren't you telling me Zoe? So help me if you don't turn it back on I will-"

"What Raphael? What? Look I respect that you're worried, I love you for it, but you've got to back off and let me do this."

"What's _this_? What does that even mean? You're up to something I know you."

"I am. I'm collecting information. Well I'm trying to, but you've got to let me work and arguing with you on the street is not helping."

"Turn the com back on. Working shouldn't mean keeping secrets. Turnin' your com off that means your keepin' secrets."

"Maybe Karai and I are talking about personal stuff that boys don't need to hear about and maybe walking down the street is the only chance we have to do that, because we're never alone! You can see me. I'm fine, so chill out!"

He growls but does not answer and I glance in the direction of the rooftop he's watching me from. His hulking frame is shadowed but I know it's him.

My heart hurts for him, being restricted to the darkness. That limitation burns at him to the point I think he might burst into flames, especially when he wants to be by my side. I'm being insensitive to that blight and feel bad for it. "I love you Big Guy, you can see me and I'm fine. You know I can handle myself."

"What about your back?"

"It's not hurting. Now tell me you love me and hang up."

I wait a few minutes, listening to his steady rhythmic breathing that always soothes me, even through a phone.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Tapping the screen to end the call I raise two fingers to my lips and blow a kiss in his direction.

"I see him, up ahead!" Karai grabs my arm and I look to see who she's talking about.

"See who?"

"My contact, he's an old friend!" Karai drags me towards the line to get in the club, but bypasses it as she waves to the bodyguard at the door.

Both my heart and my feet come to a screeching halt as my eyes lock with the gorgeous cocoa skinned man Karai is talking to. He sees me too and stops amid a sentence I never hear the beginning of because he recognizes me. "Zoe?"

I'm silent, trying to stop my racing heart. Breathe. Just breathe. "A-a-Ansgar?"

His eyes warm like melted chocolate as a seductive smile crosses his dusty mauve lips. He motions for another bodyguard to take his place and steps out of the line reaching out to gently take my hand.

A massive lump rises in my throat and I take a deep breath to steady myself, "Uh, I'm afraid you can't touch me Ansgar." I tug lightly on my hand and his fingers slide across my skin sending a jolt up through my arm and down my spine as he lets go.

"Why not Beautiful?" he reaches a hand out for my cheek but I step back quickly and try to block Raph's view of me with Karai, who appears absolutely dumbstruck.

She thrust out her arms placing distance between Ansgar and me as she looks from one of us to the other. "I'm sorry. You two know each other?"

Ansgar laughs and the sound makes my body warm in places it shouldn't. I swallow then try to inhale slowly through my nose and out through my mouth but his bergamot scent drifts into my nostrils and my loins shiver right as my hands bunch into fists.

"You could say we know each other. We were made in the same lab. Weren't we Zoe?" His eyes flicker to cat-like golden slits before returning to their chocolate warmth.

"We shouldn't talk right here, we should move to the alley." I motion toward the corner just fifty feet away. Once out of the eye of the public I explain.

"A-a-Ansgar is a panther hybrid." I hold my breath and shake my head, tearing my eyes away from his steady gaze. "How do _you_ know him Karai?"

My phone starts ringing again and I clench my jaw as I reach under the hem of my skirt for it. I tap to ignore the call, opting to send him a text.

 **Zoe:** Everything is fine.

When I look up, Ansgar's shining eyes and slowly growing smile almost make my knees buckle. _Shit._

"What else is under that skirt Zoe?"

 _He's flirting with me!_ _No, no, no._

My phone vibrates again.

 **Raph** : Really? Caus' it looks to me like he's comin' on to my girl!

I groan.

 **Zoe** : I can handle myself.

"Is there a problem?" Ansgar leans toward me, glancing at my phone then hovering too close to my face.

Taking a giant step back I close my eyes, take a deep breath and try to control my animal instincts. Instincts currently sending blood rushing straight to my groin. "Ansgar, you need to stay back. My mate is watching you. And believe me when I tell you that you don't want to piss him off."

Ansgar stiffens, appears genuinely hurt. "Your mate?" he whispers, grimacing as though the word tastes bitter.

Karai shakes her head, "What the hell is going on between you two?"

"Nothing," we say at the same time and he steps out of my personal space.

Karai scoffs, "Right, I believe _that_ about as much as I believe that Raph isn't being restrained by all three of his brothers right now."

My stomach twists in a terrible knot, knowing she's probably right.

"Never mind that," I look from Ansgar to Karai. "So Ansgar is your contact?"

They both nod and Karai elaborates while Ansgar's eyes rake me over and I try to ignore the flushed feeling that's completely overtaken my body.

"Ansgar used to work for The Shredder on occasion. He was on a-"

"Task force," I finish for her while trying to peel my eyes off Ansgar's beautiful chocolate skin. It was taught over muscle but looked smooth and somewhere in my mind I wonder what it tastes like. What? No. No. NO!

"How'd you know?" Karai's eyes shift back and forth from Ansgar to me, like a ping pong ball.

"He was on a stealth team of elite hybrids that I was vying for a spot on." I avert my eyes from Ansgar, trying to keep my focus on Karai, resenting the way my body responds to his very presence.

"Oh. I get it. Huh, small world," Karai huffs as she blows a strand of dark hair out of her eyes.

"I didn't know you worked for The Shredder, Karai." I comment. _This small world could open a whole Pandora's box for me and Raph._ I chew on my lip, hoping he'll understand but know it isn't going to be pretty.

Her eyes narrow. "I'll explain that later. What've you got for me Ansgar?" Karai asks, stepping in front of me to obstruct his view, "Besides the hots for my friend here?"

Ansgar clears his throat, "Right, the hybrids." He peeks around Karai, to look me in the eye, "King is leading them, along with a couple of henchmen, Teppo, Karney and Zeus. Do either of you remember any of them?"

My heart drops, crashing into the lead knot that is my stomach, "Yeah, I know them. They were on your team." Not to mention they are ruthless and very skilled fighters.

"King leads that team now. I'm out. I can't roll with the hate." He raises a perfect eyebrow as his eyes settle on me, "I'd rather be a lover."

Karai fakes a cough. "Right, well. Did you find out who they're working for or are they just assholes?"

Ansgar scoffs, "A little of both. They're working with the scientist from our lab Zoe. But the lab isn't there anymore it's in a warehouse by the docks now. King and his minions round up test subjects for their experiments." He tilts his head to the side, "What they really want is their protégé back, but since King's practically tore this city apart trying to find you and couldn't, they switched to just trying to replicate you."

"Do you know where on the docks? An address?" I ask. I sense Raphael right above me and know I need to wrap this up.

"Why would you want to go there, Zoe? It's you they want." Ansgar takes a step toward me and I hear Raphael growling before his feet hit the ground.

"Back off!"

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Zoe**

As Raphael lunges for Ansgar I leap between them, throwing my arms out in a T to keep them apart.

Raph's hands cling in fists at his sides as his green eyes lock on my old friend. A glance in the panther hybrids direction has his eyes shifted to golden slits with razor sharp claws stemming from his semi-closed hands.

"A turtle, Zoe?" Ansgar smiles revealing his pearly canines, "You mean to tell me that your measly fraction of sea turtle DNA bent you to his will?"

A snarl erupts from Raph and he shifts his weight, ready to duck around me and rip into Ansgar.

I turn toward the panther, "Ans, you and I are old friends. You don't know my mate, Raphael. Raph this is one of my oldest friends Ansgar. I can tell you guys don't like each other and that's understandable, but I value both of you and it would really suck if one of you killed the other." I glance at Raph who never looks away from his target, then I shift my focus to Ansgar, "And I don't want to hurt any of your big cat pride, but Raph will win. So let's not go there."

"You told him we were just friends Zoe. Really? _Just_ friends?" Ansgar scoffs, "I can see from your expression that you never told him about me at all. I wonder what else he doesn't know." He gives a cursory nod in the direction of the other three turtles standing behind their brother, then speaks to Karai, "See ya later Rai." Glancing in my direction with lustful eyes and a conniving smile, his honey smooth voice drifts toward me, "Zoe, visit again soon okay? Once you-"

Ansgar doesn't get to finish as Raph grabs and flings me into Leo then lands a punch to Ansgar's face that sends him flying into the wall.

Leo steadies me and I quickly rebound, leaping in between Raph and Ansgar before Raph decides to finish him off. With one hand on Raph's plastron, and a fierce electric shock running up through my arm, I glare at Ansgar, "You're provoking him Ansgar and while I know that you know that, I also know something you don't." I lean over to look him in the eye, " _He_ will win means _you_ will die. Please stop."

Ansgar spits out a mouthful of blood and smiles, "I want on your team."

Raph steps forward putting more pressure on my outstretched palm.

"That's not a come-on Big Guy. I think he's serious." I watch Ansgar rub his jaw and shift his weight as if to get up. When I shake my head 'no' he stops moving and I tell him, "I wouldn't get up yet if I were you. It's probably best if you just stay down, until we talk things over. I'll be in touch." With that I turn to face my teeth baring lover, "Raph, let's go."

Raphael doesn't move.

"Hey! Look at me," I shift my hand from his plastron up toward his cheek but I can't quite reach it, "Raph, look at me."

Slowly, Raphael's gaze shifted down to meet mine and my heart hurts for the confusion staring back at me.

"I love you. Not him. Now, let's go."

Raph wraps an arm around my waist, scooping me up before marching past his brothers and Karai to carry me up the fire escape. He doesn't put me down when we reach the top. It isn't until he's sure we are far away from everyone and completely alone. When he sets me on my feet I recognize the rooftop of my old apartment building.

He stands over me, crosses his arms over his plastron. "This is where it all began Z. Is this where it's gonna end?"

It feels like he's just knocked the wind out of me with his bleak outlook, but at the same time a heat jolts through my blood and I find myself rolling my eyes. "Could you be more dramatic Raphael?"

His jaw shifts, "Don't Zoe, don' you do anythin' but tell me the truth. What the hell was that?"

My shoulders slump and I heave a sigh. "It's complicated Raph."

"No it ain't, were you with him? Did you lie to me?" His eyes narrow into icy green slits and there's a hint of menace to his voice that I've not heard in years.

The damn walls are up.

"You don't understand and I can't- you're not really going to hear anything I say when you're all hyped up and guarded like this."

"Bullshit!" he roars, "Let me make it simple for ya, did the two of you fuck or not?"

My hands ball into fists and my simmering blood rises to a rolling boil. "Fuck you Raphael."

He leans over so we are eye to eye. "No, I know what _we've_ done, I'm askin' about _him,_ and you ain't givin' me a straight answer."

My lip trembles, "What about you? I asked you if you were a virgin, years ago, and you never answered me, but I didn't push for it, because in the end it didn't matter."

"Well not answerin' and lyin' are two different things," he hisses.

I stick my face even closer to his, letting him know I won't be intimidated. "I shouldn't have to answer that Raph. Why don't you think back to the night we made our son and rehash the details? I should knock you the fuck out for even implying that I'd lied to you. And by the way, I want an answer to the question I asked you five years ago since all of the sudden it matters so fucking much!"

"I want to hear you say it Zoe." As his eyes search me I catch a glimpse of what he's really struggling with, for only a brief second, but it's enough for me to understand and more than enough to tame my rage.

With shaking fingertips I raise my hand to stroke his cheek and he growls, his hand flying up to land over mine and still me. "Say it Z, I need to hear ya say it."

I close my eyes, trying to stop the resentment that wants to rise up and fight with him. His question hurts me, _I'm_ insulted, and yet _he_ 's scared, terrified that he's trusted me, loved me and built a family with me, based on lies.

"There was blood on your sheets Raph, proof that you were my first. I did not lie to you. I was a virgin. I love you. I've always loved you and only you. I've never been with another, I don't want another and I have no plans for another. Just you."

His eyes soften, became glossy then close as he releases my hand which I use to pull him down toward me more, so I can press my forehead to his mask. His voice comes out in a low whisper, "I was too."

My head jerks back, "What?"

He straightens, rubs his hand over the back of his mask then cracks his neck, "You heard me."

A small grin plays on the corners of my mouth, which I quickly remove. I still have explaining to do and the current topic makes my sensitive guy uneasy. "Excuse me, but you just made me spell it out for you, even though you had evidence the night it happened, and I'm not supposed to be offended or hurt by any of this, so I'd like it Raphael," I reach out and take his hand, pulling him toward me, "if you came down here, looked me in the eye and said it. I need to hear _you_ say it."

He groans, chews on his cheek as he leans over and looks me in the eye, "I was a virgin too. There ya happy?"

I brush his cheek with my lips, "Yeah, Big Guy, it's a little hard to believe, but I'm happy."

"Well it's true and the point was you weren't supposed to be able ta tell. I just did what felt good and seemed ta make you feel good. Since neither of us were pros, I felt a little better about it."

Something occurs to me and I feel a great swell building within before I double over laughing.

The green of Raph's cheeks darkens, "What the fuck Zoe?"

"Raph, we, two inhuman, genetic anomalies, made a baby the first time either of us ever had sex. What the fuck, is absolutely right!" I try to stop but my eyes water. As I wipe away the tears and look at him, I'm relieved to find he has a small smile on his face.

"Are you about done?"

I pout, "You're no fun."

"And you're a barrel of laughs." He shakes his head, "so tell me about this guy, cas' there's obviously something goin' on."

Instantly I'm subdued.

"He was my perfect genetic match, supposed to be my long term mate, after they'd used me with the elites at the lab. He was on a stealth team, lead it actually. They were always in the field and needed him. It was expected that when I had delivered the offspring of the last male on the elite team and he finished whatever mission he was on that we would be permanently paired off. My body was literally made for him. We have almost identical strands of DNA and except for his panther to my cheetah, everything else is the same," I hesitate, but I can tell from the hurt in Raph's eyes he already knows, "And we have chemistry. My body responds to him, whether I want it to or not."

"You want him."

"I don't _want_ him, my body…"

He holds up a hand, "Don't."

"Raph-"

"Zoe," he shakes his head, "Are you going to leave me with five kids?"

"Raph," I rub my hands over my face, "are you serious? What is going on with you? We're more solid than this."

"No, I mean you're the woman I love, that I've given my heart to, gave my everything, the woman I can't live without _and_ I have a family with-" his frown hurts to look at, but the tears in his eyes rip me apart, "and you're attracted ta him."

My lip trembles and I blink furiously to see through the water gathering in my eyes, "But I'm bonded to you and _you_ are all of those same things for me."

He doesn't move for a while, he just keeps looking at me, with his mask all bunched up, a heart-wrenching frown on his face.

"Raph, you have to trust me until I give you a reason not to. That's how things work. It's-" I want to say, scary, but knowing how he will react I opt for a different word, "unsettling. But it's part of being in a relationship."

"Are you gonna give me a reason not to?"

My shoulders lift and drop as I sigh and let my head fall back. I peer into the dismal night sky trying to figure out a way to both bring him comfort, and let Ansgar be a part of our team, then I realize it isn't going to be a peaceful undertaking no matter how I go about it. Taking a deep breath I set my gaze back on him, "You have to stop. I know it's hard. But nothing has happened and I won't be made to feel horrible for things I haven't done and what my body does thanks to what I am. We have five children Raphael and an incredible bond that I believe is unbreakable. The question is do you believe it? You're awful quick to doubt and maybe you need to think about that." I run my fingers down his enormous bicep as I walk toward the fire escape, "Now come on, we need to get home. I'm sure Hisao is driving X and the others crazy."


	21. Chapter 21

**Zoe**

**The Lair**

Sleep is a precious commodity to me, having five children, three of them babies, will do that to any woman. Staying up late is something I have done less and less since the triplets came. So when we got home and I had to go straight to the lab to nurse Hisao while Donnie conducted a blood transfusion between me and Noah, whose condition had worsened; I thought it quite the accomplishment that I had not passed out. Finally I showered, made it to bed, next to my sleeping baby and his still grouchy father, closed my eyes ready to drift off, and was pissed when my eyelids bounced back open only three hours later.

I lay there for another hour, tossing and turning, my mind full of Ansgar and his former teammates.

The Ansgar part didn't bother me so much. I was fairly certain I could control my animal nature, especially since everything Raph and I based my training on stemmed from that goal. Well the control part, but it carried over to controlling my body. I frowned, but I hadn't done a very good job of it last night.

I toss and turn, my mind cloudy with exhaustion and wandering to places I loathe. My thoughts drift to my history with Ansgar, my past with Raphael, to my children, to poor little Noah who's fading too damn fast, and King's gang of hybrids… If I could just find that lab, get the drugs for the baby, but what the hell do I do about King?

With a great huff, I slip from the bed, tug on a pair of yoga pants and a pink tank, and make my way onto the streets of New York. A quick glance at my phone places the time at five thirty in the morning. Surely the three hours of sleep I have managed will be enough.

Mornings are one of my favorite times of day, and as my worn gray walking sneakers scuff the sidewalk, I make my way to the coffee shop three blocks from the lair, enjoying the morning mist that seems to rise up before my path. The business people marching towards their places of work are as rushed as ever. But the man who jostles me as he passes by doesn't irritate me. I'm sure he has his own set of troubles and I'm ready to set to work on mine.

With coffee in hand I walk the last six blocks to the docks and lean on the railing that separates the sea from the sidewalk. I sniff the hazelnut aroma before taking a sip of one delicious decaf latte, and watch the barges trudge by, marring my view of the churning teal ocean waters. I turn, leaning my back against the rail and survey the block. I figure if I were King I'd want an abandoned warehouse, and blacked out windows, if not boarded up altogether. It'd have to be a low traffic spot.

As I look around I start to walk away from the sea, a few blocks inward, then down a particular area that Raph would have my hide for venturing into without back up. And the further I walk the more my senses heighten in agreement with what would certainly be his opinion. As I scan my surroundings in a steady clockwise pattern, over broken windows, boarded up doors, and littered alleys with overflowing dumpsters, it occurs to me that I haven't seen anyone in quite a while. I step into an alley and rest my back against the wall of what has to be a condemned warehouse. It's either that or one of those historic landmarks no one has any intention of restoring, but the city refuses to demolish.

Closing my eyes I make a conscious effort to clear my mind then take a deep breath in, sending energy away from me while allowing my surroundings to reflect impulses back to me. The familiar tingle of life forces seems to creep up from the ground beneath my feet into my toes before it rolls over me, spreading out like the limbs on a tree, and the energy of a vicious temper comes crashing up, hitting me so hard I lose a breath. King.

My phone chooses that moment to belt out the opening chords to ' _I Will Come For You,'_ I rush to silence the device and shoot Raph a quick text.

 **Zoe:** At the docks, doing some research. Be home soon.

 **Raph:** WTF? Hisao is screamin' his head off and you ain't sposed' ta' be there without me!

 **Zoe:** Hisao will be fine. I'll be home in an hour. If I'm not, send Karai and X after me. Noah can't wait Raph, we need to find King and that lab.

 **Raph:** Don' tell me shit I already know. Get the fuck home.

As I shove my phone back in my pocket and drop my coffee cup in the dumpster, I notice biohazard symbols on some of its contents. What are biohazards doing here? Unless… I'm closer to my goal than I realize.

"Mmm, you look delicious as ever Zoe."

My stomach plummets and the hair on my neck stands erect at the sound of Kings voice.

It's broad daylight. I can't believe he'd come out while the sun is up. But as I turn to face the six foot seven lion hybrid, whose tail hangs low to the ground, twitching the way a housecats would as he readies to spring, he is very real, and very much standing tall in the light of day. Yellow sunbeams highlight his golden furred face, his blonde mane lay in neat corn rows, and his ear right ear bears a missing tip. He's every bit as terrifying as I remember. I swallow hard as I meet his amber eyes. They're lighter than a lions should be, but every bit as wild. As I run damp palms over my pants I realize I haven't packed a single weapon and my spine straightens as if someone is picking me up by the neck.

"King," I school my face into as emotionless an expression as I can manage and meet his unsettling gaze evenly.

King's lip curls and he lifts his chin to sniff the air, his head moving from side to side as he does so and I realize how far he's surrendered to the beast within him. "You're in heat Zoe," He breathes in again and I grit my teeth. Damn Ansgar. All I have to do is stand next to him and I come right in season like a fucking horse paraded by a stallion, every damn time. Raph will be pissed. But as King stretches his neck out, his eyes close as his lips curl away, he inhales again, and I realize I'm in enough trouble at the moment and discard all other worries and irritations from my mind.

"Not available King, so knock it off." I shuffle back a bit as he steps forward laughing. It's an unsettling sound, his laugh, one that reminds me of ominous music playing at the scariest horror flick I've ever seen.

A loud rumbling sound, a purr, fills the alley and the noise bounces off the walls wrapping around my body like an unwelcome caress, and I shiver. I haven't had to fight King before. He'd always been away on a mission, but his reputation precedes him, in one word. Deadly. He drops his head back and opens his mouth letting out a roar that sends vibrations over my chest, and I'm pretty sure my hair blowing back wasn't from a breeze. Shit.

"Calm down King," I glance around me. I can't find a damn thing to use for a weapon. But the fire escape fifty feet behind me will offer me some chance of escape. King's muscles coil as his knees bend and he readies to pounce.

With every ounce of cheetah speed I possess I break into a sprint for the dangling metal ladder. I can sense his body mass just feet behind me as jump up and wrap my fingers around the rusty metal to make my ascent. I keep missing rungs as I scramble to go faster. Collect yourself Zoe. But as I take the last step and leap for the rooftop I hear the fabric of my shirt rip and feel King's razor sharp claws dig into my flesh, ripping down the length of my back.

I let out a scream that can be heard for blocks, and run full out, leaping rooftops, jumping distances I've never attempted before. One thing is certain. I'll die before I let King rape me. As I reach in my pocket, flip open the phone and speed dial Leo, I manage to catch sight of the significant blood trail I'm leaving in my wake.

"Zoe?"

"Uh, Leo, I'm in trouble!" I pant, looking around me, catching sight of King two buildings back moving steadily towards me. I groan as my legs burn and I gasp for air, but press on trying to keep distance between us.

"Where are you?" Leo asks as clear and cool as if we are discussing the weather.

How can he be so calm?! Well, he isn't being chased by a horny hybrid lion Zoe!

"Zoe? Where are you?"

Good he's a little more insistent this time, I like that he's considering getting on my, freak-the-fuck-out bus!

"Uh," I look around trying to gauge my location. I see the Brooklyn Bridge ahead of me to my left, and about ten blocks away.

"Zoe, we're already out looking for you. Stay put, Donnie will track you." Leo's clear and focused disposition seems to help me collect myself, especially when Raph is flying off the rails and as I hear my lovers voice releasing a string of profanity that would make a pimp blush, I know I've called the right brother.

"Uh, I can't Leo. I'm kinda leaving a blood trail."

"How bad?"

"She's hurt?!" I hear Raph yell more than ask.

"Can't," I gasp for air but nothing is getting in. Shit. I haven't had an asthma attack in years. But then I haven't run like this in ages either.

I glance behind me, and place one pissed off lion on the same rooftop I stand panting on. Fuck. When did I stop running? The phone falls from my hand as Leo says something I can't hear and I struggle for breath amid a fog creeping into my head, blurring the edges of my mind and I blink and try again. King roars again, his huge paws spread wide, razor sharp claws ready to strike. He's at least three hundred pounds of cat to my hundred and he comes to loom over me casting a shadow so dark I thought the sun had burned out. With my eyes on my predator and my shredded back against a roof ledge I try to plan a pressure point attack. It will be my only chance.

The massive cat sends a blow to my stomach that flattens me, my already wounded back scrapes against the bricks as he yanks me to the side, throwing me to the ground in a curled up heap. I try to focus, draw in air, demand my lungs to work, force my freaked out muscles to relax, but not a damn thing functions. As the cat moves to drop his body on mine I wiggle my fingers to see if they work, when they do I lift my arms.

What I haven't counted on is King's companion. The horned buffalo hybrid snatches my wrist, his split hooves digging into my flesh like a vice. Teppo. I look from his bull face to the green foot that goes flying over my head, attached to one pissed off Raphael, as he lands it square in the center of Kings chest, sending him flying backward in a tumble. All battle sounds fade away as I lie there, open mouthed like a fish out of water. Donnie's face appears over me and I watch his lips moving but I can't hear a damn thing for the sound of blood rushing through my ears. The outline of his face blurs and black paint-drop like spots seem to splatter, in the middle of it until my world falls away.


	22. Chapter 22

**Raphael**

I haven't been this pissed at her before.

Donnie has me pack her back with gauze while he straps a mask to her face that blows some kinda asthma medicine in her nose and mouth. Her lips are a sick bluish color and I wonder for the hundredth time if she will be the death of me. She sure likes to dance with devil enough to give me a fucking heart attack. I groan as my brother hands me another box of gauze. I'm getting to old for this shit.

That damn lion hybrid chasing her was the same one that split my bridge a year ago. He was more animal than I remembered and dumb enough to go out in the light of day too. I rub my left bicep, and a heavy mother fucker at that.

Zoe moans and her eyelids flutter. She may as well stay out. Donnie will be sewing up that mess on her back for at least an hour. The pink seems to creep back to her lips and her rapid breathing slows as she opens her eyes, scanning the room before setting her stone grays on my face.

I feel my lip quiver and my jaw shifts, before I crack my neck and look away from her. I catch her rolling her eyes in my peripheral and I want to scream at her till my head explodes. I grumble and throw the empty gauze box at the trashcan by Donnie's feet but it hits too hard and knocks it over spilling out the contents.

"Raph." Donnie frowns at me then lowers the mask from Zoe's face. "How are you feeling Little Sister?"

"Like Raph needs to clean up the mess he just made," she quips with a voice that sounds like her throat must be dry.

Donnie grins, his amber eyes lighting up with the brotherly affection he holds for her. "I think she's going to be fine Raph," he says as he motions for Zoe to roll over to give him access to her back.

She has a bond with each of my brothers, but more so Donnie and Mikey. If she calls on Leo she's usually in trouble with me. I feel the corners of my mouth quirk up despite my anger. I find it funny that the brother I fight with most, and who usually turns her over to me anyway, is the very one she seeks out when she's gotten into something she can't get out of.

And there it is again, my blood boiling quick as that, because she shouldn't have been out traipsing around the docks alone, especially not where the hell she was; and she damn well knew it.

"Not like I asked," I grumble and stand up to leave, "Goin to check on Hisao and call April. See how the rest of the kids are."

"Raph," her voice comes out soft, in the way that makes me feel like she's wrapped her hand around my heart and is holding it close to hers. I'm still mad. I am. She's not getting off that easy. But she sure makes it damn hard to stay that way, all cute and semi-pathetic lying there. What she did is stupid and I intend to… Who am I kidding? I'm not going anywhere, not when she's laid out like this.

I sigh as I pick up a wash cloth, and dip it in the water bowl Donnie is using while he cleans her back. I step alongside him and look hard at the four claw marks down her back. They are at least two to three inches wide a piece and stem from her shoulder blades to the base of her spine. Damn, he got her good.

"Raph," she says again.

Donnie clears his throat, "I've got to get some wrap out of the lab. If you want to go back in the field I'll have to wrap your torso Zoe."

"She ain't goin' anywhere." I snap, and I mean it.

Zoe scoffs then tries to talk with her head turned to the side on her pillow, while flat on her stomach. It all comes out muffled, but I hear her. "Not your call Big Guy. We're on a mission. Wrap me up Donnie."

Donatello looks from me to her and back. "Start sewing Raph," he says before ducking out of the lab.

"Are you going to talk to me?" she asks as I pick up the surgical needle Donnie has opened, along with a string of thread. I hold the first bit of skin together and work the needle through and she hisses between her teeth before grumbling, "Guess not."

"What ya want me ta' say? Good job?" I pull the thread through and begin again.

Air rushes past her teeth, "You know you could numb that first."

"Oh, would you like that?" I glance at the supply table, internally kicking myself for overlooking the syringe Donnie has ready, while letting her worry at just how mad I am.

She ignores me, the way she likes to do when she knows our fight will run in circles, but it usually only delays the inevitable. "Raph, I think I was really close to the lab. I found a dumpster full of biohazard materials."

"Great, tell me you didn't climb inside and root through that." I deadpan as I inject numbing fluid in her wounds.

"Really, Raphael? What is your problem?" she snaps then pushes her palms into the table to lift up.

"Stay down, just cas' you can't feel it anymore doesn't mean it ain't still there." I set my teeth and apply a consciously gentle but firm pressure to her shoulder.

"Well stop bein' such a grouch."

"Me? Seriously Zoe, who's gettin' stitched up right now? Huh? What the hell where you thinking running off by yourself like that?"

"Like I couldn't sleep and wanted a cup of coffee?" She turns her head and gazes up at me with tired gray eyes and a melancholy smile on her still pale lips. My heart wrenches at the fierce warrior, yet vulnerable creature, two polar opposites that she somehow manages to be since becoming a mother. I bend over and kiss her mouth without thinking twice about it.

"Ahem, you're supposed to be sewing. And for God's sake do not make any more kids, please." Donnie eyes both of us and I go back to work stitching her up, but it dawns on me, he's not saying that because we were kissing. Zoe smells _good_. Like how five kids have come to be kinda good. And she shouldn't right now and I know it.

Her eyes narrow and her cheeks flush and I realize she knows it too.

"That's why he was after you." My mind is whirr of what is happening. So much of Zoe is like any human that to look at her it's easy to forget sometimes, that in many ways, most of them subtle, she clearly isn't. I never took to throwing what she is in her face, why should I? It would be like throwing stones at a mirror. And right now as much as I want to be jealous of that panther bastard, and in truth I am, that he's provoked her body, I'm sorry for her at the same time and I refuse to let myself pick a fight with her over it. She can't control what she is, and I get that. But I don't have to like it. My jaw starts to ache as I look at her and realize I'm clenching so hard my teeth might damn well break. I want to end finish this mission and get her home and as far away from _him_ as I can.

As Donnie begins sewing on the third line of her injury and I'm still dazedly working on the first, she licks her lips, swallows hard and I know she's bracing for a conversation I can tell isn't going to go over well. She tips her chin up and looks at Donnie, "Did Karai tell you guys about Ansgar?"

Donnie's Adam's apple starts to bob and his eyes dart to my face before he returns his attention to his sewing. "Yes."

Zoe glances in my direction but avoids making eye contact, "Raph, could you ask Leo to come here? I want to talk to him. Maybe you take a break and check on Hisao?"

"No, I'm not going to go get my brother so you can try to get him to go along with whatever it is you know I'm going to be against. What do you take me for Zoe a dumbass? Whatever it is, you may as well put it out there." I'm getting ready to tie off a stitch and Donnie's fingers tap mine.

"Too tight," he whispers, and when I glance at it the skin around the thread is puckering I've pulled it so tight. I grit my teeth and loosen it, then tie it off and shake my head. Donnie nods and I put the needle on the med tray and lean over to look her in the eye.

"What can you talk to Leo about that ya feel ya can't say ta me?"

Her gray eyes are glossy and there are dark circles under them. She takes a resigning breath and tells me, "Ansgar will know things, useful things… that can help us get to King, inside the lab, where the meds are, he will know all of it Raph. He knows our enemy, and he knows him well. I'm not saying forever, but for this mission, we could really use him on our team."

"Fuck no!" I roar, standing upright and kicking Donnie's rolling chair so that it flies into the far wall of the lab and bounces off it in a terrible racket. Donatello groans but continues his work and Zoe's eyes clamp shut, she flinches slightly and I think it's the recoil of the noise, because after five years, she's obviously not scared of me. "Are you kidding me? What so he can get you alone and-"

"You don't trust me." Her words come out kinda pathetic like, and the sound, paired with her current condition provokes my heart and that infuriates me even more.

I find myself pacing. "I don't trust you to leave the lair by yourself after what happened today, no! And I sure as hell don't trust him!"

Donnie ignores me as he helps Zoe upright and she grabs her pillow to cover her front.

There's a stupid growling sound filling the room and both Donnie and Zoe are staring at me for a good minute before I realize why. I'm stomping around with my hands balled into fists, making a noise so loud I realize it's brought Mike and Leo to the lab doorway.

"Fuck! Everybody get out! I'll finish this up. We're fine! Everything's fine!" I yell, waving a hand at Donnie who glances at Zoe for her approval, before he follows Leo.

Mike lingers a minute, his eyes on Zoe's back then her face before he looks at me and leaves too.

"Ain't you gonna say nothin'?" I snap as I grab the gauze and start wrapping a layer around her torso before I will cover it with pale pink athletic wrap.

"You can't cover my breasts Raph. I have to be able to nurse Hisao." She takes the roll as I pass it to her and wraps it around her front before handing it back to me.

"Maybe it's time he takes a bottle like his brothers. I don't want this wound exposed if, and that's a big if, right now, I decide to let you back out there."

We carry on passing the wrap back and forth a few times before she decides to speak to me. Her voice comes out low and calm, and I find it unnerving because she usually uses it on Antonello when he's in trouble. And I'll be damned if I'm the one in trouble right now, I'm not the one who ran out by myself to the wrong end of town, alone, and got myself all jacked up. But I can see why Anton quits fucking around whenever she sounds like this. "Raphael, I love you, but you don't decide where I go and what I do. I think we established that back when this relationship started. Yes, I made a mistake today, going there alone. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was," her eyes narrowed and she blushed, then something flickered through her eyes and she straightened a little before wincing at the pull of her stitches. She looked at me with determined eyes but I saw the reservation in them. "I know you know I'm in. He found me by my scent. We may not need Ansgar, we could just use me for bait."

"No fucking way. I know I've let you play bait before but that was with humans and you ain't hurt when we do that ruse. But now, your backs messed up, your attracting them, and it's risky as fuck. I can't Z. Please don't do this."

I may as well hand her over to the enemy myself for all the good talking to her is doing me. She nods her head, "Noah can't wait. I might even be able to get him to think I've switched sides..."

My stomach balls up and my head hurts. I can't listen to this shit anymore, she's out of her fucking mind. When I lean over so I'm eye to eye with her, the scent of honeysuckle and blood fills my nostrils along with the damn primal scent that makes me want to bend over the damn table myself. "What do you want, to get raped? He wasn't chasing you to fight you Zoe! What the fuck are you thinking? He's not looking to chat."

She bites her lip, "Yeah, I guess you right. But that means we still need Ansgar. Raph, we need his help. And I need to talk to Donnie. Maybe he knows of a drug or something that can suppress what my bodies doing." She looks away and whispers, "Besides, I don't want to end up pregnant by one of them if something goes wrong."

I'm gripping the table she's perched on so hard, the metal buckles and pops. I close my eyes and make a conscious effort to release my jaw. "You need to go home Z. It's not safe for you here."

"Like hell Raphael. Let's just get this done."

I admire her courage, and in times like this, I hate it too.

"I've got a really bad feeling about this one Zoe." I brush my fingers across her cheek and she peers up at me with eyes that shine like platinum. Taking a deep breath I catch scent of her and my vision is filled with her mostly nude body. I feel a pull in my tail and struggle with my own urges. No. I stop myself, pushing to the forefront of my mind the life we've made together and how precious she is to me. Because I love her first and I will control myself, because I adore and respect her. But I'm not lying to her, there's a churning in my stomach and a seed of dread taking root in my heart. Something tells me this mission, isn't going to end well.


	23. Chapter 23

Zoe

I can feel the pull of every stitch as I make my way toward Karai. Donnie is hard at work trying to find me a suppressant for my damned hormones, I've got a screaming baby I'm putting through a cold turkey weaning, Raph is still pissy as hell pounding the crap out a bag, Noah looks like a muted pale shade of green that just breaks my heart about as much as the two loving parents he has doting over him. Leo is talking to Karai at the breakfast table and I've decided, I have some questions to ask her. Something tells me, it's past time I heard her story.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and slide into the seat across from her. Leo's gaze shifts from his tea cup to me.

"Good morning Zoe."

"Good morning Leo." I offer him a small smile and set my eyes on my friend, "Karai."

Karai reads me about as well as Raph does and spins her empty tea cup in her hands. She nods, "Zoe."

I'm not one for beating around the bush, especially when we have a dying baby on our hands. "There's something I don't understand Karai. Do you and Ansgar keep in touch? Just how well do you know him, really?"

Leo's eyes flit to me then to Karai, "You know the hybrid?"

Karai's lips flatten then with a huff that blows her bangs up she slumps back in her chair. "So it's no secret that I was part of the Foot. That Shredder lied to me about who my father was, you guys know all that." She shifts forward, toying with the tea cup again. Her eyes drift up to mine and my stomach rolls. "He funded the program you came from Zoe."

"What?" I straighten, my wounds throb and I slouch enough to take the pull away. What is she saying?

She licks her lips, briefly glancing at a concerned but silent Leonardo. "I know all of the elites, I knew who you were, I- just- I'd never spent time one on one with any of you until... The elites were the guys who made sure things went smoothly at business exchanges. I never had one under my employ, until Ansgar. I worked with him one time on a single mission." She squirms, a slight blush rising to her cheeks and I know she's slept with him.

Leo, knows it too.

"Were we together?" His voice comes out cold, detached, and I fear for them in that second.

"No." She shakes her head adamantly, "I didn't even know you."

Leo says nothing, only nods.

"Then what?" I press.

"It was a brief encounter. I didn't understand hybrid's, how you work, you're differences, until I met you Zoe. Anyway, I never really lost touch with him, we remained friends…" she hesitates, "I gave him the job at the club."

Leo and I both look at her. "What?" we say in unison.

Karai closes her eyes, "I own the club."

Leo sits back in his chair, "Of course. That explains the money that you couldn't possibly be making at a part time job, yet still manage to cover fifty percent of the bills with."

I can't tell if he's hurt, embarrassed or both. When his nostrils flare I decide it's both, tainted with a little anger.

Karai nods, "It was a gift from Shredder before, I knew, the truth. It's in my name so it's not like he could take it away and we need the money."

Leo pinches between his eyes. "Karai, you let our family near this place, you take the women in the family to this place, that he gave you, knowing he could be watching it. Watching you. Ansgar could be working for him, a plant right beneath your nose. What are you thinking?"

She pushes his hand from his face, "That we need money, and that I have everything under control. I have this entire time. I trust Ansgar. The people working in that club, they are loyal to _me_. Besides we haven't heard anything from Shredder since moving to the farmhouse."

If it weren't relevant to my own life I would've excused myself from the exchange happening between them. But I had more questions, and now, fears. "If he's the one who funded my project, he's the one that owned me."

"And that makes him the one that keeps them hunting for you." Leo closes his eyes, shakes his head.

Karai taps the table with her fingers, "Look at me Leo."

He opens his blues, sets them on her.

"I love you. I wouldn't do anything to endanger our family. I love you and Midori too much. We've come too far. Besides I don't think- he- I think he died – cancer, about a year ago. It's the scientist that are obsessed with the hybrids."

Leo smacks the table, the abrupt motion paired with the loud thwack startling Karai and I both. "You haven't changed Karai, you're still keeping secrets, as good as lies. Someone's leading them, for all I know it could be you!"

I exhale a drawn out breath, "Leo, I'm sure that's not the case. I hardly think Karai would risk you or Midori. And she sure as hell wouldn't have had her enemy's baby. So while I understand your feelings, maybe try to view it from the side of we need the money. Because we do. So if it's your pride that's hurting, that part is not her fault, or yours for that matter. And I hate to tell you to put your feelings aside and deal with them later, but we have an infant in this lair that needs those drugs. We need Ansgar, like right now."

Leo glares at his mate.

I'm proud of her, as she maintains eye contact with him and even more so when she whispers something she rarely says. "I'm sorry."

"Call Ansgar, Karai. Set up a meeting. Let's get him to tell us everything he knows." I glance at Leo, "In some ways we're lucky she has the club, it not only funds us, but now it feeds us intel. Noah would be dead in the water without this resource Leo. He'd be out of time before we found a lead. Think on that at some point."

His face was fixed in an expression that I'd come to recognize as him compartmentalizing, and prioritizing. If I was right, he wouldn't confirm it now. And I didn't think he was quite done with Karai either. "We need a plan."

A small slither of satisfaction crept along my spine. Leo on board, meant Raph on board.

Before I could take the experimental drug Donnie had concocted or a nice shot of Morphine for my throbbing back, I donated a pint of blood for Noah. After that was done, I drank a bottle of water, let Donnie near float me away with a full IV of additional fluids, and ate a meal to make Raph happy. Finally they agreed to set out to finish what we came to do. All the lashing in my head about hypoglycemia, a tiny person like me donating blood, blah, blah, blah. Shut it boys, let's do this.

It's dangerous for our guys to be out creeping in the light of day, but they managed. We were inside the club, that wouldn't open for another four hours. The plan was simple. It was Raphael's intensity that unnerved me, filling my insides with a constant urge to pick a fight with Ansgar; that and the new tension between Leo and Karai, they were all feelings that just weren't helping anything.

Mikey leans against the bar counter beside Raph, looking weary and exhausted. I'd worried over my babies when they simply had caught a bug, what my brother was facing… I cringed. Neither he nor Exodus deserved this. My hands clenched into fists, I would not fail them.

Exodus had stayed at the lair with the babies again, and I couldn't blame her. I'd never leave a fading child either. If you weren't sure if every second may be your last, you cling to what fleeting moments you have. I glanced at Michelangelo again; or you risk them, away, trying to find a cure.

Ansgar unrolls two sets of blueprints on a row of cocktail tables shoved together. "This is the lab," he says pointing to a familiar looking warehouse. I had been close. I knew it. "And this, right next to it, is where King and his hybrids live." Ansgar looks at Leo, "The compound you need, will be in this closet, here, on the second floor. You're best exits are here the roof, or here the basement. The windows are all covered in bars, with boards over them."

"What's the security like?" Donnie asks, eyeing the schematics.

"Cameras, hybrid army, the usual; and of course King and his minions; Teppo the bull, Karney the croc, and Zeus the shark hybrid with a jellyfish sting," Ansgar feigns a grin, "a real blast."

"What's in this for you Ansgar?" Leo asks.

Ansgar laughs, "How about not giving King ninety percent of my paycheck each week just to keep him from turning me over to Stockman and Shelton."

Leo nods, "Fair enough." His gaze drifts over each of us, "Guys, this time, we finish this once and for all. Zoe, with your injuries your on stealth, we want to keep you out of the battle. Your mission is to obtain the drug, and set the charges."

Raph's head snaps up. "Charges?"

Donnie grins, "Charges. We're blowing the joint. Scientist may or may not go up with it, either way-"

"Only the innocent make it out alive," Leo finishes.

I rub my fingers over my itching palms. I like the sound of this already. "Does anyone know what the name of this stuff is? What's it look like?"

Ansgar and Donnie both open their mouths, then Donnie motions to Ansgar, "Go ahead. At least they'll understand what you're saying."

Ansgar doesn't hesitate, and I notice that Donnie's drug must be working because I'm not all flushed and horny listening to him and looking at him. He on the other hand keeps a good distance from me; even puts himself in Raph's danger zone. "It will be in a glass canister, it's a blue liquid. You guys should know it's missing an ingredient, one that would effectively render it a cure for hybrid instability. Without it, it's just a therapy." When he looks at me, a sour taste rises in my mouth. "Fortunately for you the missing ingredient is right there."

"What?"

"You're bone marrow." Ansgar answers me and I look at Donnie knowing it was something we were going to try anyway. Now we knew, we had half of the solution all along, already banked and ready to go in the lab.

"Done," I shrug and look at Leo, "What else Fearless?"

"Donnie is on tech, he has the explosives for you Zoe, see him after we finish here. Mike you're with Zoe. Raph, you and I will keep King busy. Ansgar and Karai, you free their experiments. Guys I want this place cleared of any innocents before it goes up. Once Zoe sets the charges we have two minutes to get out." His eyes roved over us, "Let's go."


	24. Chapter 24

**Zoe**

"Com check, I want to hear from each of you," Donnie's voice fills my head as I knock Raph's hand away from my back. He's just finished putting strips of medical tape over the athletic tape and I'm beginning to feel like a kid in a snowsuit venturing out into the cold.

"Knock it off Z. I just want to make sure none of this comes loose. You don't need this shit in your way if something happens." He eyes his little brother, "You two take care of each other. Got it? I want both of ya back in one piece."

Mikey waves him off, slipping an arm around my shoulder, "Like you even have to worry. We got this, Dude."

Raph raises an eye ridge, "Damn right I haveta. You're exhausted and she's hurt," he whirls on me, "and I don't like the idea of you on a mission with less than a clear head."

I did feel a little numb physically but my head seemed clear enough with the light dose of morphine coursing through me. "I'm fine Raph. We'll be fine. We're stealth, remember?"

Raph speaks through clenched teeth, pointing at me, "You and stealth, yes," he shifts to his brother, "You not so much."

"That's enough Raph. I can hear that _your_ com is working, Zoe and Mikey you too. Karai, Leo, Ansgar, I need to hear from you."

I smile at the sound of Donnie's voice, grateful for his timing. Raph will rant until the mission's over and we all know it.

"Ansgar here, I'm ready."

"We're in position." Karai's voice comes through.

"I'm standing right next to you Donnie so this hardly seems necessary."

"All right, Zoe and Mikey, when you're in let us know. Then Ansgar and Karai will be a go for freeing the victims. Raph and Leo, you're up." Donnie's on command, our eyes where we can't see as we split up in pairs. Raph and Leo go for the roof, Ansgar and Karai are already by the basement, Mikey and I set out for a second floor window that will take us to the room right next to the closet with the meds. "Camera's are down, and go."

While Raph and Leo scale the fire escape, Mikey and I move along behind them stopping at the second floor. Mike carries my quiver on his shell because of my injured back and kneels down so I can root through it and get the items I need. As I reach for the small purple device and attach it to the boarded up window I hesitate, "Uh, Donnie, you know we're supposed to be stealth right? You're sure this is-"

"As long as it's the purple one Zoe, you will be fine. Just don't touch anything surrounding it once you set it off."

I can hear Raph grumbling something about losing a damn finger.

I look at Mikey who smiles and shrugs, "Sounds easy enough."

My shoulders lift and drop too as I enter the sequence like Donnie has instructed. Then my orange clad brother and I step away from the window. When the timer hits zero the area surrounding the device gradually, silently, shifts to ice.

"And how do we break that without making any noise?" Mikey inquires.

"You don't," Leo says knowingly.

"Here we-"

"Go!" I cut Raph's complaint off, spinning around in the tiny space, sending my foot smashing through the ice, shards flying past Mikey and I both. The window is open. We're in.

"Incoming," Donnie announces.

"Thought so," Raph says in such a way I can just envision the grin that plays across his lips as he reaches for his sai.

"You first Z." Mikey motions for me to climb in the window first.

"No you first Mikey."

"One of ya go first already!" Raph yells right as the shadows of four hybrids soar from King's warehouse onto the lab rooftop. I can hear fist hitting flesh, roars, hisses, curses, and the clink of metal.

I slip in the window, Mikey behind me as I scan the dark room. "Uh, Mikey, this looks like a-"

I don't get to finish when a burning searing, electric sensation jolts through my entire body. My muscles twitch and jerk, amid a curtain of black before the pain abruptly ends. I stand gasping as Michelangelo thwacks the shark hybrid, Zeus, in the head with his chucks. I've never seen this creature up close and I haven't missed out. It isn't its size that's threatening, he isn't much taller than me, and no broader than Mikey. It's his razor sharp mouth full of teeth, and the damn glowing extra arms that resemble jellyfish tentacles that worry me.

"Go Z! Get what we came for. I got this!"

"No!" I hear Leo yell and for a second I fear something has gone wrong on the roof, then he grunts out amongst punches, "Stay together."

Mike strikes again and again, whacking the creature in the head, neck, and torso, until a tentacle reaches up and wraps around my brothers wrist and Michelangelo seizes. The creatures bared teeth reach for my brothers arm. My fingers wrap around my tessen and with a flick of my wrist I send it flying, severing the tentacle, and follow the break with a swift kick to the creature's chest. "Mikey, a charge, get another one, a purple one!" I fend off the creature that never speaks, continuing to attack, it's eyes black pupil-less orbs in its head.

"Karai, Ansgar, I haven't heard from you." Donnie's voice pierces the air, right as Michelangelo thrust himself between me and the shark, shoving an armed, purple disk into its mouth. The hybrid fumbles back toward the window as he turns to ice. I leap forward executing a flying kick to his chest that sends him flying through the opening, shattering below into a thousand pieces.

"Karai?" Donnie says again.

No answer.

"Karai, Ansgar?" Donnie repeats.

Still no answer.

"Karai?" Leo huffs and I can hear Raph hiss, curse then fist meet flesh.

Silence.

Mikey and I creep into the hall. "Donnie which door?"

"I can see you Zoe, two down on your left. You'll have to pick the lock, there were only to purple charges. The rest are explosive."

"How big a boom are we talking about D?" Mikey grins at me, reaching into my quiver.

I eye the door, wondering if Mike or I can just kick it in but when I run my fingers over it I realize it's solid steel.

"Like you need to clear the floor first, kind of boom," Donnie answers.

Mikey frowns, then turns his shell toward me and kneels down while I find my lock pick kit.

"Anybody heard from or seen Karai?" Leo grunts, and I can hear the sing of his blade slicing through the air.

The lock gives a little kick and we're in. As Mikey and I comb the room I begin to worry about my sister. We open cabinets everywhere, tossing the contents, tiny bottles, tissues, tubes, pouches, syringes, everywhere. Right as I'm about to declare it isn't there Michelangelo's hand appears before my face holding a canister containing a glowing blue liquid. "Is this it?"

His blue eyes shine with a light that hasn't been that bright since Noah fell ill. "Yeah, Mikey, it fits the description. Let's set some charges, find Karai and get out of here."

"No, you guys- grrr you again?" Leo huffs then rushes to finish his sentence, "I'll go after Karai, Raph can you?"

"I've got this Leo – go!"

"Leo, do you want me to -" The worry in Donnie's voice is unmistakable.

Raph cuts him off, "No, I've got this, go Leo!"

Mikey and I look at each other before I shut off my com and he does the same. "I've got this Michelangelo. Give me the quiver, get the canister to Donnie then go help Raph. Whatever's going on up there has kept both of them busy this entire time, it can't be good. Besides, Leo may need help with whatever's going on with Karai. Please?"

Michelangelo frowns, "Are you sure?"

I smile, ignoring the chill that settles itself in my chest. "You know I am. Go, hurry!" I grab my bag of weapons and dart into the hall, looking back in time to see Mike step onto the fire escape.

"Donnie, cut the power to the building." I whisper as I thrust a black device to the first corner of the second floor, racing to the next and the next before the lights flicker and go out.

I slap one on the last door and rush into the stairwell, affixing one to the door on the fourth floor right as Raph yells, "What the fuck are you doin' up here Mike? Where's Zoe?"

Michelangelo doesn't answer, probably can't for the grunts and crashes that fill my ears. I wonder briefly if Raph isn't pounding his own brother or the enemy.

As I rush around the fourth floor, ready to make my way to the roof I hear Leo announce, "I've got Karai, Ansgar and the basement has been cleared. Stockman and Shelton are down. I'm headed to the roof to help Raph."

"Who-" Raph grunts, "said I need help? Get offa me you big housecat!"

Kings roar fills my head and I suddenly fear for Raphael. It hasn't sounded that close this entire time, the vibration of that roar in my chest puts the big cat right on my mate. I slap the last explosive in place. "Donnie where's my entry to the roof?"

"Middle of the hall, the one without a window, it was a powered lock, so it should open for you."

I fling open the heavy door, ascend the narrow concrete steps and hear Mikey's voice, "Nice Crocodile, you know I have a friend you might like, his names Leatherhead. You guys could be pals… Easy now, easy, eassssyyyyy!"

Whipping the last door between me and my family out of the way I scan the madness before me. Raph is grappling with King in a battle of sheer strength. Mikey, is held by the arms being flung all over the rooftop by a crocodile looking man. Karney.

What I don't see is Teppo, the bull. Where the hell is he?

"Can I get a location on the bull?" I request, reaching for my bow and one arrow, taking aim for the eye of the beast jerking my brother around.

"Unknown, maybe dead, he went off the roof early on." Leo replies, "Hang on, I'm almost there."

There's movement in my peripheral, something dark, I think it might be Leo… Redirecting my focus I take aim, inhale and release my arrow with my exhale. The croc shrieks in protest, releasing Michelangelo and thrusts his hands to his eye. Mikey skitters across the rooftop slamming into the ledge-wall, looks in my direction then past me and screams.

I follow his gaze in time to find Raph bent over King finishing him off with a sai to the jugular, while Teppo charges him with horns aimed right at Raph's throat. As my heart stops time slows to unbearable fractions, yet my feet manage to move…

One…

My heart thumps as my shoe slides across the concrete. I can make it.

Two.

Ba-bump, heel-toe.

The bull matches my stride.

Three, just within reach…

Heel-toe.

Its going to be close.

Four.

I see it coming as I launch myself into the air. There isn't enough space to do anything else. It's the only way…

Everything happens in one breath.

The bulls horn runs through my chest hanging me on his head like an ornament on a Christmas tree, my lungs deflating upon impact. Teppo bucks and whirls his head, my muscles clenching up in shock at the bone piercing my sternum, yet my arms and legs are limp, my world a raging blur of brick, concrete, a dimming sky. The sound of Raphael's fading scream resonates with me as much as the pain of every object I smash up against. I see Leo raise his sword behind the bull. With the next buck there's a sickening crack to the side of my head, and my world is gone.


	25. Chapter 25

**Raphael**

Blood is everywhere, that bulls horn is protruding from her chest and she's cold, so cold. Her head hangs over my arm like a broken limb; her red hair a tangled, bloody mess swinging silently with the rhythm of my step.

"Don't pull it out! She'll bleed out Raph, and you don't know if it's pierced an artery, or worse." Donnie follows close behind me and I take each step closer to somewhere I've never gone before, somewhere that puts everything I am at tremendous risk. I wasn't going to pull it out, though that's what instinct would tell anyone untrained to do. I didn't fail field med, I'd patched up as many battle wounds as Donnie, maybe not as well, but good enough. I just don't think he knew what else to say. It's bad and we all know it.

She saved my life.

I look at her near lifeless body, at her blood drenched shirt, wasn't it white? Fuck. There's so much of it, the scent of it is so strong I can taste the copper in my throat.

"Raph!"

Leo's voice summons me but I won't stop. There's no time for a lecture.

"I can't fix this Raph, she needs a hospital." Donnie is keeping pace with me, his eyes on her, and I can tell by his expression he thinks the worst.

My heart is somewhere in my throat, and it hurts. I can't think. I just have to do it. She's unconscious, been out for a while now. I glance at the gash on the side of her head, more fucking blood. Head wounds bleed a lot though. My thoughts aren't coming out in order, I just know what I have to do, and I focus on that.

"RAPHAEL!"

Leo's standing in front of me, calling my name in the most commanding voice he possesses. Dumbass. I will plow him. I'm not doing this, not now.

"Get out of my way Leo."

"What are you doing Raph? Where do you think you're going?"

She's dying and he wants to do this? My jaw clenches and I summon my reserves, emotional and physical, because there is no time for this. One thing I know I don't want is to go home and tell my kids their mother is dead. I step up to Leo and look at a fading, unconscious Zoe, motioning to her with my head, trying to contain a breaking heart. My voice comes out cracked and weak and I hate it. "Fuck Leo, if it was Karai you'd do the same thing. You know what I'm doing and I'm only gonna say this once, get the fuck out of my way because if she dies because you won't, I will never forgive you."

Leo's eyes drift down to his sister, my love, and soften, "Raph-" I know what he's going to say and I'm not ready to hear it. He looks at me, sees that and steps aside.

Every footstep feels like I've got tar on the bottoms of my feet and I'm dragging them onward, the bright lights of the hospital and the mess of people rushing around the emergency room growing ever closer. My hands are trembling, my stomach a rock, and there's a strange tingling in my chest when Karai appears by my side.

She jumps in front of me and I stop short, glaring at her but not feeling the rage I should. I feel, defeated. "Raph wait here. I'm going inside for a gurney, I'll put her on it, wheel her in and you don't have to go in. It solves the exposure problem. You can't come back from that Raph, just, please."

My head moves awkwardly, almost like it's on a rusty hinge and needs oil. "Hurry."

Karai is sprinting across the lot, returning within seconds, a security guard yelling at her from the doors. I duck behind a van in the parking lot as Karai whips around and I lower Zoe to the bed, blood immediately dripping onto the sheet when I move her over it.

Karai is across the lot with her in an instant, and I stand watching them disappear through the doors, feeling part of me slip away.

"She's going to be alright, right Donnie?" I can hear Mike behind me, but louder than my little brother is the silence that fills the space between us. Leo and Donnie come to stand on either side of me and none of us answer him.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not even sure she was alive when I laid her on that gurney. My eyes close and I hear a whimper slip from my chest through my nose. Leo's hand touches my shoulder and I whirl on him, "Where the fuck were you Leo? Why did none of us have her back?"

"Since when have we ever had to Raph? Zoe handles herself as well as anyone of us, and there was plenty to fight. She knew what she was doing you can count on that." Leo isn't angry, he's not stoking my fire, not the way he used to, no, when I look in his damn eyes I see he's hurting, for me, for her, and for our kids. Our kids. My body grows unbearably heavy, my world whirls and I feel the ground drawing closer until my kneepads absorb the impact when I hit the pavement.

"We should get back to the lair, check on things there, get these meds to Noah, call the house and check on things there too." Leo's voice sounds so far away. Blood rushes through my ears matching the rhythm of my pulse thrumming from my heart to my fingertips and toes. I sink back onto my haunches staring at those damn doors, wishing Karai would come tell me something, wondering what's happening, doing everything I can to keep myself from barging inside.

Knowing I can't see her, steals the breath from me. What if I never see her again? What if I never see her smile, hear that sassy voice of hers, run my fingers through those red locks, look in those shining gray eyes, what if…


	26. Chapter 26

**Karai**

They rush her straight into surgery. I admit I'm relieved when they find a pulse, part of me thought I'd wheeled in a sister with no life in her to save. I sit in the waiting room watching other families gather together, a leader of each lot periodically going to the counter to check in, get a status update. I feel a sense of helplessness, tethered to loneliness. How badly our family wants to be in here right now, and can't. The sense of weariness that creeps into each of us from time to time settles over me, like a sheet of ice bound to my flesh and I want to shrug it off. Every now and then I glance at the clock, watching the hours slip by, knowing Raph's perched on a rooftop nearby and won't leave until he knows something, and each brother will take a shift with him. The weather forecast pops up and I see the storms coming, knowing they won't change his position, wherever it is that he's posted up, and I hurt for him. If this was Leo…

"Miss Hamato, is it?"

I start, tearing my unfocused gaze from the news reel, numbly glancing up at the doctor in scrubs standing over me. They're remarkably clean, hospital green scrubs, and I wonder if he didn't change them before coming out to speak to me.

"Just tell me she'll live." I hear myself say, while my muscles draw tense and my heart clenches, bracing for the verdict.

"I'm Dr. Jennings, and she will, but," he makes a face, looks confused, "her heart is on the opposite side of her chest from the uh- horn that was imbedded in her sternum. It's rare for the heart to be as far off to one side as hers, but it happens. It saved her life actually. How did you say this happened?"

"She got in a fight with a bull." I shrug, feeling a strange sense of foreboding, even though what he's telling me seems like good news. "Is there, something wrong doctor?"

"The head wound, that's what I'm concerned about. She shows brain activity now, but we'll have to wait and see."

My stomach turns, "See what?"

"If she remembers who she is." He puts a placating hand on my shoulder and I want to swipe it away, to scream and yell at him about all that our family has endured, about the kids she has that need their mother. But I don't, I need this man to answer questions.

"Is she awake yet?"

Dr. Jennings shakes his head, "No, it may be a while. It's just wait and see for now. She's been in recovery for the past hour, we're admitting her. A nurse will be out shortly when they move her to a room. I'm very sorry."

 _He's_ very sorry. _I_ have to tell Raph there's a chance Zoe may not remember who she is? In this family that's a disaster. I rub my hands over my face, pull out my phone, change my mind then change it again. Okay, I'll tell everyone she's going to live but there may be complications and I'll get back to them as soon as I find out what those are. Then when she wakes up, once I know, I'll deal with what to do next. Besides I need to talk to April and check on Midori, and I want to know how Noah is doing. Yes, that's what I'm going to do.

XXX

I keep opening the blinds to let the light in, but the damn nurse keeps coming through and shutting them whenever I leave to get something to eat. It's been a week, and she still hasn't woken.

There's been a lot going on within our family, shifting and adjusting to manage our newfound situation. When I told April the whole truth, she insisted I tell everyone so we could prepare, and it was difficult, but the right thing to do. April sent her cousins home, packed up the kids and Splinter and brought everyone to the lair. Then she located an apartment for three of us girls, and the boys went to work setting it up. Exodus volunteered to live at the lair and play Mommy to the male children. It was Donnie and Leo who pulled together the plan.

Raph was busy trying to explain to Anton, on his level, that his Mommy had an accident and was in the hospital trying to get better. At the same time he was trying to juggle five kids and cope with his own loss. He and Zoe haven't been apart this long without at least a conversation, since they met. She's always been his counter, his balance, and he's lost without her. This Raphael is worse than angry, bitter Raph, or brooding over the troubles in my life Raph; this Raph, pines, staring off into space, swings and misses, goes through the fatherly motions, but his mind, his heart, they're with the woman hanging on by an invisible thread in the bed next to me.

" _While familiar surroundings would better help her remember who she is, we can't be separated and the house and lair are just too far apart; we can't just shock her with us outright. There's no telling how much of her life she will remember and how she'll react. Andrea is our best bet at helping her remember the kids, and hopefully, us. We'll set up an apartment and you, April, and Zoe will stay there with Midori, Andrea and Rachel. The rest of us will stay at the lair and take it one day at a time."_

April interrupts my thoughts as she steps in the small square room, holding a carrier containing three steaming cups of coffee. I'm surprised when Exodus pops her head in after her. She scarcely leaves Noah, she's so enamored with the now vibrant baby.

April smiles, as only she can but the circles under her eyes give her away. "Morning Karai, why's it so dark in here?" She sets the coffee on a side table and crosses the room to open the blinds, "Zoe loves the light, it's good for her. Besides come night fall…"

"I know. Damn nurse, she keeps closing them." I pry a cup from the holder, go to hand it to X and see her standing over Zoe, soaking in the mess before her. There's wires everywhere, monitoring her brain activity, a tube draining fluid off the wound sight, iv fluids, a heart monitor, and who knows what else. All of those wires seem to make her look even smaller than what she is, and that's pretty tiny to begin with. Damn Mighty Mouse of a woman, I know why Raph loves her, all spitfire and fight. There's a pang in my chest, it tears him up to see her like this. There are stitches along her hair, and they'd shaved around the injury on the side of her head. She'll be able to cover it with the long hair they've been kind enough to leave, but it will be a while before it grows out. The gash itself is seven inches long, although not wide, unfortunately deep. I don't know what it was she hit it on, something when Teppo was swinging her around like a ragdoll most likely. She's bruised and scraped up everywhere but that won't bother her. She jacked up her ankle again for the tenth time since I've known her, this time though they've done surgery to repair it, so there's a big fat cast that will surely piss her off. Exodus reaches out a fair skinned hand and strokes Zoe's hair then kisses her forehead and I feel the coffee cup slip from my parting fingers when Zoe moans.


	27. Chapter 27

**Raphael**

April leaves the blinds open in Zoe's bedroom, and on the French doors, so I can catch glimpses of her from the roof. My breath floats around my face in an irritating cloud and I swipe it away, watching Zoe creep around the apartment looking at everything as if she has no idea what is going on; for the hundredth time in three months, trying to figure out where she is, and worst of all, who she or Andrea are.

She'd been in the hospital two weeks before they released her. Two weeks of Karai, April and Exodus sending me messages, giving me reports, and leaving the damn blinds open so I could see her, only to have that bitch nurse shut them again. They brought her to her new home, showed her around, introduced her to Andrea and I watched from my perch, as her face fell vacant, completely at a loss as to who our sweet little girl was. Zoe had rubbed her face, swiped away frustrated tears and opened her arms to Andrea, pulling her in, holding her close, and wept openly into our toddler's hair. That part had given me some relief, even the part of Zoe that was walking around right now, had the same heart as my Zoe.

When she asked about Drea's father they told her they'd tell her everything when the time was right, but made sure she knew that I love her. Probably intimidated by the notion of a stranger loving her was why she'd dropped the topic and hadn't asked again.

It's my sons I worry about, I'm constantly gone checking on their mother. Fuck, I feel like a stalker, desperate to hold her, touch her, feel her warmth, smell the sweet honeysuckle scent of her, to talk to her and tell her… about how Hisao misses her still, how Gray is cutting another tooth, Kei is crawling, and Anton just wants to apologize to her for everything he's ever done bad, if she'll only come home. And I want her home. Part of me wonders though, if she'll ever be the same, if she'll remember me, and if she doesn't… if this version of her can accept us. Somewhere I'm trying to make myself consider the most difficult way this could play out… letting her go.

Our entire family is still struggling to adjust, but, at least Noah is doing well. In every way but one that mission had been a success. King and his minions, both Frankensteins, they were dead. The lab had blown, the victims freed, and Noah cured.

I sink deeper into the bomber jacket April bought me, pulling the ridiculous red beanie down further over my head and shove my hands in my pockets. Zoe's picking out clothes instead of pajamas. Wonder where she's going? Who's that in the hall? Is that- oh – hell – no. No!

Zoe slips into a skirt and a blouse-thing the color of her eyes, then turns toward her bedroom door and I can see the outline of Ansgar at the other end. My heart sinks to my stomach and feels like it explodes. She doesn't know what she is, how she'll react to him. A sick feeling rushes over me. I'm never going to get her back.

While she speaks to him from the hall she grabs her crutches and hits the light switch. Her room is left as dark as the shadow that has fallen over us.

Ansgar. Son of a bitch.

**Karai**

April paces the living room. We've just gotten the last child off to bed, it's half past nine and she keeps shaking her head, repeating herself. "I just can't believe this. I can't believe it. The therapists said, let her get a job, it will help her. And you," she whirls on me, "you give her a job at the club, where _he_ works, putting her right in his reach. Damn-it Karai," April's face crumbles, "what were you thinking?"

Honestly, I was hoping he'd trigger her memory. I wasn't thinking she'd start dating him! But I've already told April that, and Leo, and Mikey, and Donnie, and Exodus, and Raph. If everyone in this family would just back off, it's not like I… I… I sink to the couch and bury my face in my hands. "I wasn't- I didn't-" I look at April through my fingers, "I don't know what to do, it's not like I can keep tabs on her if I'm not where she is. The club just seemed logical."

April scoffs, "Yep, and on her first night off, we lose tabs on her. She's out, on a date, with a horny hybrid, who, she was made for. I can't think of much worse than that."

I close my eyes and swallow the wave of nausea cresting in my gut. "I texted Raph, where she said Ansgar is taking her."

"Oh, that's great! What's he going to do Karai, bust in and stop them from having sex? That'll go over real well. Hi Zoe, I'm your giant turtle mate who you don't remember because you almost died saving my life and now I'm going to just kill your date here because he knows all that and is trying to take advantage of you!" April is just shy of screaming in my face, her usually pale skin resembling a red balloon being squeezed, poised to pop.

She doesn't see Raph climbing in through the window behind her. I look to the floor, unable to bear the pain in his eyes.

"I didn't… follow her."

My bottom lip trembles as I close my eyes, and listen.

April's voice drops to a faint whisper, "I'm so sorry Raph."

"I… came to see Drea."

"Of course, she's sleeping but go ahead. Is X coming by to babysit in the morning?"

He doesn't answer her as he ghosts down the hall, and I can't help feeling his defeat, his resignation. If he hasn't followed her, he's shifting gears. My heart clenches and I miss Leo, need to be with him, if just for the night. I reach for my phone and send him a text.

 **Karai:** I'm coming home for the night.

"April, I need-"

"Karai, I need-"

We look at each other, tears in our eyes.

"You go," we say at the same time.

"No, you go," we do it again, a faint laugh amid stray tears slipping by us both.

My phone vibrates in my palm.

 **Leo:** Why don't you send April home for the night? Then sit up here on the rooftop with me for a while? Let Raph have some time with Andrea. I'll send him a text. If anyone wakes up and he needs help we'll be right here.

 **Karai:** You're already up there?

 **Leo:** Yes. I wanted to be near you, too.

"April, Leo's on the roof. Go spend the night with Donnie. I've got this." I make my way to the fire escape and she's out the front door with a wave of her hand.

There's something about watching two beings, that love each other like Raph and Zoe do, getting torn apart by life, that puts and ache in your heart, makes you really want to be with that someone you love. For me it's Leo. It always has been. And as I climb from the fire escape and see him standing by the ledge, bandana tails whipping around behind him in frigid New York Wind, the tails of his long coat flapping around his ankles, I know it will always be him. His eyes are cast over the city, and I wonder what he's thinking. His fingers slip down around mine and he pulls me to him, wraps his arms around me and I just wish I could stop time, maybe rewind it. But it's always moving, the clock ticking, seconds passing; and no one moment is truly perfect because sometimes in the moments that follow greater things happen. Other times… not so much.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the club, that I knew about hybrids, about the money, all of it." I speak into his plastron and he kisses the top of my head.

"Oh Karai, with everything that's happened, it doesn't matter anymore. I know where your heart is, where your loyalties lie." He gives me a squeeze, "I just wish we could help Zoe and Raph. I want this family back together, and after tonight I just – don't know, if that's going to happen."

"He's-" A lump rises in my throat when I hear the surrender in Leo's voice.

"Letting her go? Yes. When she goes with Ansgar, he'll let her take Andrea, and we'll leave New York, go home to the farmhouse."

I press my lips together, struggling with the rising tide within me as I cling to the lapels of his coat, hearing myself whimper. I love Zoe, my best friend, my counterpart, my sister; but I know if the boys let her go we'll sever all contact. It will hurt Raph too much to keep her around. He'll never stop wondering about her, asking about her, wanting to see her, and he can't keep that up forever, he has four boys that need him. I think of Zoe's babies, babies she doesn't even know she has. "God, Zoe, your whole life ripped from you to save the one you love. I can't think of anything more wretched and tragic. Fuck. Just," I thrust my clenched hands into Leo's plastron, "FUCK!"

Somehow, at some point, tears get away from me. Damned things I didn't know I had in me. Things that hurt, burn my eyes, big fat drops that drip down my cheeks and drench my shirt. I shiver and weep, clinging to steel and sandalwood, green and brown, and he whispers soothing words to me, things that calm me, comfort me, and I want that desperately for Zoe and Raphael.


	28. Chapter 28

**Zoe**

I don't know who I am, or who I was, but I don't sleep around. Well if I did before, I won't do it now. I like Ansgar, he's good looking, witty, and… Oh who am I kidding? I'm dripping wet and digging my fingernails into my palms trying to stay focused when he talks, but my insides are just a quivering, trembling mess. It's like I want to just rip off his clothes and throw myself at him. Agh!

Closing my eyes, trying to calm myself, I sit on his couch, knowing that after two weeks of dating he's got to be thinking I'm a tease. Surely, there's some time frame for these things. But when I kiss him, something… something is missing. It's like my body wants him but my hearts not in it.

"Red or white?" he calls from the kitchen.

Red or white? Red like blood? Blood. Why am I thinking about blood? Red, red, red like fire, like passion, like crimson scraps of fabric in my clenched fist? Then I feel something, my heart throbs, aches like its fractured. I can just see the thin fraying material crumpled, bleeding over my hand, the color reaches a place deep within me, and it stirs… my… soul. Every night I've had that dream, every night, I see strangely shaped shadows behind the curtain of my eyelids, and I reach for something I just cannot grasp. It's right there, on the edges of my mind, burning me, singeing my fingers, searing a hole through me.

"Zoe?" Ansgar's voice interrupts my thoughts, and the thrill of my fantasy flees me, leaving merely lust in its wake; and I feel like I'm dying a little inside.

He stands over me, his chiseled features easy on the eye while doing nothing for my heart. "Ansgar, no one will be straight with me. They tell me I'm a mother," I run my hands over my face, as I think of the beautiful, sweet and very sassy little girl. She looks enough like me that I believe it, even feel drawn to her like my body knows it, but I just can't remember her. My toes curl, my hands clenching into fists and I curse, "Who doesn't remember giving birth to a child? Who can't remember that?" I huff, my chest puffing out then deflating, my adrenalin spiking, my voice picking up, "Who, who, can't remember the man she made that child with? Who?" Tears slip down my cheeks, "Who? Who does that? Why can't I remember him? Why can't I remember her? My own child, and someone they tell me loves me, and that I love, and I feel it," I smack my chest, "I feel my heart aching for someone they won't put a name to, someone they won't tell me how to find, and I want to know, I want to know, I want to…"

I'm lost in my head. Red, red, red. I close my eyes and all I can see is the damned color, and briefly on occasion one other around it, a deep emerald green. "Ansgar," I shake my head, push away his hands as he reaches for me, "I'm sorry, but I just, whoever he is, I have to find him, because even if I can't remember..." I press my lips together, swallow and feel the words slip from my lips, strangely; love without a face, without a name, but right, oh, so, right, and every part of me inside and out knows it. "He's where I belong."

Ansgar can't hide his initial shock, his hurt. He sinks onto the couch beside me, stares at the floor. We sit in silence a long while before he sets the wine glasses on the coffee table, and finally speaks. "I can make you happy Zoe, you'll see. We were- No, we _are_ meant to be. Trust me. I'll take care of you and Andrea. We can, we can, even have more children if you want. We can build a life together Zoe, and it will be peaceful, normal, calm… Everything you need. If you just let me love you, you'll feel it, in time, it will come."

I ponder his words, his offers. I taste the words in my mind, peaceful, normal, calm… peaceful… normal… calm. My eyes drift over my arms, every fine scar adorning them. I run my fingers over the tiny lines that mark my throat, pausing over the large bite marks that cover my shoulders. Fire, flames, passion... red. Words that stir feelings in me surface. And I feel it, that desperate ache in my throat. My fingers drift to the huge star like scar in the middle of my chest, my eyes close. "I don't want to make myself feel something Ansgar. I shouldn't have to."

He lets out a small huff. "Even now you choose him over me, and the thing is, he can't give you any of the things I can Zoe. He can't even take you out in the light of day. He can't take you to a restaurant. He can't walk Andrea to school. He can't go to the damn grocery store… _He_ can't get a paying job. There is no normal, no easy, and for damn sure with that temper of his, there is no calm and certainly no peace, not with him."

I rush to the French Doors leading to his balcony, and throw them open, desperate to feel the bite of winter air on my face, to dry my tears, to numb the ache, to stop the scream building inside. "How would I know Ansgar? How would I know who he is, or what he's like? How can I make decisions when I don't know? They say he loves me, and just the thought-"

" _I_ love you!" he yells as he crosses the room, grabs me into his arms, presses his lips hard against mine; like that will make me feel it.

But it doesn't.

And right now, even though I'm sorry for him, not even the lust thrives.

His lips are warm, and small. His tongue sweeps my mouth and it feels… wrong. Gently I push him away.

To my surprise a strange sound erupts from his chest. An inhuman sound. He grips my biceps, pushes me into the balcony wall.

"Technically Zoe, you are mine for the reaping, to take whenever and wherever I want. Designed just for me. But I'm nice to you, I'm good to you. I'll be kind to you. You just have to let me. But if you won't, I can take it from you. Please don't make me do that. Just give me what's rightfully mine."

My stomach turns and I push my hands into his chest. "What are you talking about? Why? What?" Panic tingles throughout, worms its way through my blood surfacing in my skin, "I want to go home. Let me go."

He thrusts his hips against my pelvis and I feel his erection, "You are already home, Zoe. I'm right here."

There's a sound coming from _me_ now, one that sounds like his.

His lips curl into a smile that flashes his canines, his eyes flicker to something inhuman then back to brown and my fingers curl back as I thrust my palms into his chest. To my shock he goes flying through the open doors landing on his butt in the middle of the living room.

When he gets to his feet, moves toward me, I glance over the balcony at the four stories below then down at my casted foot and curse under my breath. I don't know how I did that, but I doubt I'm going to pull off scaling a building.

"Zoe, if we just make a physical connection, we'll be bonded and you will understand. It will all make sense to you. That feeling you desire, it will come, I promise." He's quick as I try to dart around him, slowed by the bulk on my leg. He gets his hand on my arm, pulls me to him, "Zoe, I want you to submit, give me permission, it's only fair, it's only right, then you'll understand."

My teeth clench, my heart is slamming against my chest and he's slipping away, changing into something not as normal as he promised. I have to get away. Think. Think. Fuck. I don't even know who I am, how can I possibly?! I look in his terrifying cat-slit yellow eyes, and am at war with myself; this isn't human, he isn't human… and yet I don't care. That's not significant. It's irrelevant. "Ansgar, I need to go home, to tell them, to demand they let me meet this man."

"HE'S NOT A MAN!" Ansgar's voice is nearly doused out by his cat-like roar. He gives me a hard shake and my head throbs, "AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN HUMAN!"

I close my eyes. That's not significant. Irrelevant.

"I need to find out for myself. And if you'd stop acting like this, let me finish, I will make you a promise."

His grip loosens, "Promise?"

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach, any hope for myself dwindling, dangling by a twig; that I will meet this person and even if I don't remember, if I just feel, something… well, "If I meet him and I don't feel complete, if I don't feel like he's the piece I'm missing, I will return to you and you can have me." I shrug my shoulders. "It won't matter after that. I don't know who I am anyway, and I have to put Andrea's needs before my wants. And if you can provide for her, be a good father to her, then that's a good option for me." I reach up and stroke his dark cheek, "Now tell me what you know about me, because I should be terrified of this-" I motion to his eyes, "these cat eyes, and the sound coming from you. And the sound I made," I wave my hand toward the balcony, "out there. But I'm not."

When he blinks his eyes are human brown again, "You promise? It would help, it would be a true and fair decision if you, let me make love to you. Then you're choice will truly be yours and not the will of what you are."

I stare at him wondering if he's just focused on fucking me. "Tell me who I am and," I shake my head, "then we'll talk about the sex thing." Is that all men can think about? I don't know who the hell I am and all he can think about is prying my legs apart? Fuck!

"You may want that glass of wine, it's a long story…"

I left a horny Ansgar just after two in the morning. I'd decided I couldn't sleep with him, because my heart wasn't in it. It was what my body wanted. It was primal. Not that an emotionless fuck mattered. It just wasn't what my heart wanted. It was the connection, the missing piece. That was all that I would accept, and if I met him and didn't feel it, well then I'd let Ansgar have me.

He wouldn't tell me about this man, not what he was, where he came from, nothing. Not even his name. No one would even tell me his name, just that he loved me. I rub my hands over my face, and sigh, "Who doesn't come see their injured, mindless lover?" Who does that? Why wouldn't he come, if he loves me so much? And why do I want to meet him even though he's seemingly abandoned me?

My one shoe makes an odd shuffling sound over the pavement, my crutches along with it making for a bizarre rhythm. The streetlights hold a blurry golden glow around them, and I look up the sides of the apartment buildings scanning the various lit windows, my gaze drifting up higher to the shadows of the rooftops.

I'm a freak. According to Ansgar, I'm not human, I just look it. My friends had to steal my blood samples from the lab the entire time I was in the hospital so I wouldn't be found out. He wouldn't tell me anything about them, my friends, just about me. And what he told me about myself, well that was fucked up enough. Maybe I was better off without a memory. I could just start my life over.

Ansgar's promises crept into my head. Normal. Peaceful. Calm. And Andrea deserved all of that. Every child should have that. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

 **Karai:** Zoe where are you?

What is she my mother?

 **Zoe:** Walking home, why?

 **Karai:** I just assumed you were staying at Ansgars. This is New York, Zoe. You can't be out walking the streets at two in the morning by yourself. You've got a cast on for fucks sake! Get a cab and come home.

I roll my eyes; shove the phone in my pocket. "Why? I need the fresh air."

The phone rings.

I fish it out of my pocket. A blocked call. I scoff, yeah right. I hit decline, but right as I shove it in my pocket it starts ringing again.

Fine, I'll play. I swipe the screen, "Hello?"

"Ya need ta," there's a grumbling sound before the man's voice speaks again, "ta," he sighs. "Please stay on tha sidewalk, in the streetlights, till ya get home. It ain't safe, what your doin. I don'" his voice hitches and I feel moist heat spring to my eyes. "I don' wan' nothin' else ever happenin' ta you. I-" there's a long silence and it occurs to me that I'm being watched. He can see me.

"Who-"

I search the empty streets, my eyes flittering over apartment windows. Nothing.

The line goes dead.

A few seconds later my phone vibrates.

 **Unknown Caller:** I love you Zoe. I want you to be safe, and happy. It's okay if you want. If you need to go. It's okay.

I hit reply but a message pops up saying the number is disconnected. How the hell can it be disconnected? I just got a damn message from it! My fingernails scrape across the plastic before I reach back and launch it into the wall of a nearby apartment building. I wince when it shatters into tiny pieces. "I'm stronger than I look." I say to myself.

As I hobble home, in the streetlights, so my stalker can see me, I secretly hope he'll come out and talk to me. Maybe he'll know who I am, how I got so fucked up. I ponder that incredible voice; it provokes a feeling within, one that has me wanting to beg him to keep talking and never stop… even though that wouldn't seem right, since he is after all stalking me.

"Not that there's anything right about me anyway."

I'm beginning to think I must've lived life on the edge, maybe that's why one of Ansgar's promises was normal and calm.

My thighs flex, pressing together, my stomach dips as I recall the sincerity, the sound, _oh that sound_. My blood heats, steam rolling off my skin as the freezing air meets my flesh. That was the voice of someone who cares, someone risking something precious for someone they… love.


	29. Chapter 29

**Raphael**

Since the night she'd damn near drove me mad, walking home alone, two weeks ago, with a casted leg, at two in the morning… since I told her it was… okay… I'd managed to… fuck. I hadn't changed a damn thing. I was lying to myself, and my family, telling them I could do this. All I'd really done was live with disgusting, skin crawling, sickening feeling that I'd just given her my blessing to fuck Ansgar. As if she even needed it. Fuck.

She's taken to looking out the windows and opening all of the blinds on her own lately. I kind of like that, I get to see her face more. My heart aches. She gazes toward the rooftops every night as if she's searching for something but doesn't know what. I had to duck behind a vent the other night, I thought she might see me and I didn't want to scare her.

A cruel wind blows and I feel the sting of icy air biting against my flesh in all the places exposed. Shit its cold out tonight. My phone vibrates and I look away from where Zoe is staring out her bedroom window; her open window. What the hell is she doing? It's fucking cold as hell out, Andrea will get sick from the draft. My phone buzzes again. I glance down at it.

 **April:** Andrea is sleeping on the couch Raph. Don't worry, just enjoy the view. ;)

Unbidden tears spring to my eyes. I'm thankful for every member of my family, especially April at this moment. I swallow an ocean's worth of useless emotions and do exactly what she says. My heart leaps to my throat when Zoe starts climbing out onto the fire escape in- Is she wearing one of the old shirts she bought me, one that I refused to wear? Where'd she get that? I guess it musta been in with her clothes.

She struggles to get her casted ankle through the window. I try not to laugh when the wind carries her curse words up to me, and for the first time since all this happened I feel a little warmth taking root at the bottom of my heart.

Karai is lurking in Zoe's bedroom door, she pulls out her phone and seconds later mine is buzzing.

 **Karai:** Aren't you getting something special tonight? What is she doing?

I'd reply but I don't want to miss a moment. The sight of Zoe's bare legs causes my tail to stir and I curse the damn thing because it's pointless, yet my body remembers the feel of her as if I'd only held her seconds ago. My tail jerks again and I grit my teeth.

She climbs the two flights of the fire escape, to the roof, awkwardly in a limp one, two, clunk, one, two, clunk rhythm; but with classic Zoe determination she makes it. You're at the top, now what will you do? The wind blows harder where she stands, my shirt flutters against her, skimming her thighs, flashing the outline of her breasts; her loose red hair blows about her and I catch sight of the scar on her scalp and the shaved part, before she grasps the long strands in one hand and tilts her chin in my direction.

My heart is pounding. God I want to hold her. She's just a rooftop away, so damn close. Briefly I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat. Seconds later when I look back, she's gone. Where the fuck?

I scan her rooftop but don't see a damn thing, my stomach turns and I make myself check the ground. Thankfully she didn't do that. I shake the thought from my head and decide I'd better look around for her. Karai, X, and April had done a good job swapping out Karai's blood for Zoe's but if they missed anything there'd be a new set of assholes looking for her. She really isn't meant for the human world, anymore than I am. She's always at risk, always will be.

There's a knife in my heart, piercing my desires while I try to make myself do what's best for her. I'd long burned out the anger for what I couldn't undo; I had Andrea and the boys to think of. In the end, if she chooses Ansgar, I think he'll keep her safe. And I'll just… I swallow the lump again, cursing myself. I'd been so sure I was done with these feelings but saying so has done nothing to make them go away.

I get to my feet, turn to leave…

And there she is, staring at me. I step back, almost falling off the damn roof myself, she's caught me so off guard. Fuck, that's the second time she's done that to me since I've met her and I think for a second, amid the frantic beating of my heart, that she may be the only one who can.

Her kunoichi training has been so ingrained upon her it's one thing none of us believe has changed. Karai admitted testing her reflexes on more than one occasion and told me she was as quick as ever.

"It took me a while to find you," she says, standing barefoot, holding her hair in one hand, the shirt whipping around her legs in the bitter wind.

My heartbeat becomes an audible sound in my head, and the damned thing is slamming against my plastron. I fear she's going to hate me, scream at me for stalking her and send me away forever. But some part of me is amazed that she's looking at me a lot like she did the night I met her; seemingly unafraid and carefully studying me from head to two toes. It occurs to me to ask, "Do you remember me?" Then I immediately brace myself for her answer.

She steps closer, and I can see in her eyes that she doesn't, but at the same time she says, "I can feel you. I can't explain it but," she motions to her heart, "here, I hurt for you, I-" she blushes, glances to the dirty concrete beneath her feet, "I want to be near you. I need, you close by." She closes her eyes and shakes her head, "that can't be right, can it?"

My breath is fleeting, my insides feel wet and drained like I've been crying for hours, and I can't take my eyes off her. My fingers throb with the need to pull her to me, "It's more right than you know." I rub the back of my head and my beanie shifts. I tug it back down and ask her, "You're not scared of me?"

Her eyes fly up to meet mine and the clouds shift, allowing the moonlight to catch them. They shine the way I love them best, like polished chrome. I see there's hope in them, and it fills me like she's sharing it with me. Then I realize… she is. It's our bond.

Her skin flushes a dark red. "No. I've actually, uh," she bites her lip and I take a deep breath trying to get my tail under control. "I uh, dream about you. I mean, your, they could be... I know you, I can feel it, and there's, I-" she rubs her face, swiping away a stray tear and I see the fall before it hits her. Her lip trembles and she bites it, her chest is heaving and she reaches out a hand toward me, opening her palm.

Taking her hand, I guide her close, feeling the tears slipping away from us both. She clings to me and I try to be sure I don't hold her as tight as I want, as I usually could, not wanting to scare her or hurt her; all the while I'm savoring everything I've missed about her, her sweet scent, her soft skin, her silky hair... She takes a deep shuddery breath and stills. I loosen my grip, worried she's about to freak out on me.

"Cedar and sweat, the canvas jacket, it doesn't belong. Cedar and sweat, though," she reaches a trembling icy hand under the jacket, runs her fingers over the grooves and scars of my plastron. "Do you care if I?"

She pulls her hand away, then grabs the zipper, looks to me and I nod, "Anything you want Zoe, whatever you need."

The air stings when it hits me and I want to wrap her in the jacket, get her out of the cold, but I won't push her in any way; I've waited too long as it is and it's going too well, better than I'd hoped. Her tiny frozen fingers trace every scar within her reach. "I have these too, all over." Her hands feel so good, so close. I catch another whiff of honeysuckle, my heart dips and my eyes water.

Her gaze falls to my weapons and I watch her, wondering if her control has fled her, but she tips her head to the side and with coherent eyes motions to them. I hand her one, but she wants them both. She holds them, studies them for a minute before she begins toying with them, twirling and spinning them, and I see her body remembering the kata she falls into, just shy of perfect for the damn cast on her foot. She tosses them to me with a little gleam in her eye, a little harder than what she should've and I think she knows it; I snatch them from the air with one hand and feel compelled to tease her a bit.

"Not bad for a-" I don't get to finish for she limps up to me, grabs the tails of my bandana, jerks my head down to her and presses her lips hard against my mouth. It's all I can do not to pull her closer to me, weave my hand through her hair. With an aching, weary heart I release her when she breaks the connection, turning her head away.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, and I move to step back from her but she grabs the jacket, pulls me closer and I'm so damn confused. "I have these, visions, images, of you, and I feel like, like, I'm so close to remembering." She releases me. "And you smell and taste familiar to me." She puts her hands over her lips and steps back, "I'm so sorry, you must think I'm, I- I don't even know your name." Her eyes fill with tears as she presses her lips together. "Do, do, the girls, know you? Can you, come home with me? Would you want to?"

I'm trying to remember what Donnie told me to do, but my mind is reeling, so I just tell her the truth, "Yes, they know me. They just didn't want you to be scared, in case you didn't remember me."

Her eyes widen, "Wait. They said they'd tell me, when the time was right, you're not," she points a violently shaking hand toward her bedroom window, "the baby, Andrea, you're-" She presses a fist against her lips and closes her eyes. "Can you tell me who I am? Who these people are and how it all fits together?"

What the hell am I supposed to do now? I rub my face, "I can answer all of your questions Zoe, and if you want me to I will, but maybe you should give yourself time to remember on your own."

She rubs her face again, wipes the back of her palm over her eyes, "What if I never remember?"

"You will," as I say the words, that I hadn't thought through, only felt, I believe them and I'm surprised I know the answer to her next question too.

"How do you know?" She chokes out, taking deep breaths to stop the flow of tears.

"Because you're an empath and I'm… well, a lot of shit to you actually." I rub the back of my head again, "You wanna go inside and talk for a while? I don't know about you, but I'm cold as fuck."

She laughs, her eyes glossy with tears, but the curve of her mouth, is genuine and it reassures me. "Yeah, but I gotta tell you, I'm a little slow with this fucking cast. I mean, I don't know why they took it upon themselves to fuck with my ankle, it was just ligaments, it'd be fine, and since they did, I keep having to go back." She motioned to her foot and the perfect echo of her from almost six years ago made me fall in love with her all over again for the thousandth time.

"You care if I touch you?" I hold my hands up, "I mean I used to carry you around a lot, up fire escapes, into sewers, crazy places really."

"Sewers?" she cringes and I flash her a crooked grin then watch her step toward me, wrapping her fingers around mine, "Go ahead, something feels right about this too."


	30. Chapter 30

**Zoe**

The dreams had grown vivid, beginning with the threadbare fabric in my hand, then to a larger green hand reaching for mine. With them came this pull. Since I'd heard his voice, it all started to move, like a car without a driver. The hand turned into piercing green, inhuman, eyes. Beautiful peridot green gems, like green glass, eyes I didn't want to look away from. Eyes that were open, and deep and searching. His voice was like an echo, the sound, something significant that I could feel, and held onto. The fabric, the voice, the eyes, they turned into a moment, one I'd be hard pressed to speak out loud. Because it was passionate. Intimate. My cheeks flamed just thinking about it. Gradually these things, the acceptance of what little I knew about myself, about Ansgar, the things people said; the way they carefully phrased them, it didn't surprise me that the being they said loves me, wasn't human. And I made peace with that, because even if I didn't know who he was, or what he was, it felt closer to what I was searching for.

I stared out the windows at night wondering if he was watching, because he had been the night I walked home. It made more sense now; that he didn't just rush back into my life, if he wasn't human. He probably didn't want to scare me.

It was just hours ago when it happened. I was looking out the window, staring at the sky, pondering the city skyline, the lights, the cars, the people, when the feeling in my heart grew to a horrible ache. It was a burning, throbbing pain that pulled at my chest as if a fist had grabbed the stupid muscle beating within me and pulled it slowly toward the rooftop diagonal to mine. So I thought what the hell, and I followed it.

And I found him.

I found him. I felt it in every cell in my being, with my every frozen breath, with the thrum of warm blood to my frostbitten fingers; with the mad beating in the center of my chest. It was him. And he was magnificent. All muscle, a shell, padding, mask, a strange jacket that seemed out of place, a cap pulled down where a red scrap of fabric peeked just below; the tails of it draped over one shoulder. For the size of him I'd not expected him to be so nervous. When I wanted to play with his weapon he let me, when I wanted to touch him he agreed, when I reached for him he held me and when I kissed him I felt it, it was him. He was what was missing. But even if I felt it I could not just assume it and I still couldn't remember it. But this, him, he was right. So I invited him home.

And here we were, sitting across the kitchen table with coffee mugs in our hands, in the nightlight lit, tiny space that thrust the size of him in my face. I soaked up every bit of him as his gaze shifted from me to his empty cup, to me again. We sat in silence much of the time so far. I'd offered him drinks, he'd accepted, refused, accepted. He did not leave but he wasn't offering much up to me either. I felt this ache in the back of my head like a picture, an image was trying to push its way through, but there was something holding the door shut. And it hurt. I rubbed my face for the tenth time and he finally said something.

"You, uh, want me to get you something for your head?" He scoots back the chair, fluidly lifting his massive frame and moves gracefully for a creature of his size, to the cabinet by the fridge. He pulls out a pill bottle, brings me two ibuprofen.

"How do you know where we keep them?" I ask, accepting them.

He stares at me, wide eyed and rigid.

Then it occurs to me, he's been here before. I'm ignorant of my own life. My own life. My face crumbles, "I don't know who I am and everyone around me, they know me. I don't even know who has been in my home. And this," I wave my hands at the walls, scoot my chair back, "it's not right, this doesn't feel like home." I thrust my hand at him, and he doesn't move, doesn't flinch, "and you," damned tears wet my eyes, blur my vision, "you're right, I know you're right, but so very little else is, and I don't even, I don't know you're name... but I'm close," I smack my hand upside my head. "I don't know what to do. No one will tell me anything. Just tell me, take me home, show me where I belong, immerse me in it, please. Please! I won't stop looking. I can't stop. I'm close, I'm- I'm- Please? Show me who I am and what the hell it has to do with you!"

I swipe away my tears, sniffle, and even though I see April and Karai standing wide-eyed and open mouthed in the kitchen entry I can't stop myself from thrusting my face in his, even hear myself make that damned growling sound again, "Fucking tell me. Who I am and don't leave out a damned thing."

He doesn't look away, still as a statue, but something flickers in his eyes, like green flames and I feel it somewhere within me; and it provokes me even more.

Then Karai's voice pierces the air between us, "Take her home, Raphael."

Raphael? His name! Raphael? An image flickers through my brain, his face in mine, me thrusting mine back at him.

 _You're pissing me off_.

I blink, reel and swipe at him, "You could've fucking at least told me your damn name!" My hand never meets his cheek. He snatches it from the air and holds gently in his thick green fingers, his skin like cool leather, callused and rough yet… familiar.

He doesn't look away, "April, call Donnie. You know what to tell him. I'm taking this little Spitfire for a ride. Take care of Drea'. We'll be back when we've worked it out, one way or the other."

He stands up and leads me to my room, and I vaguely hear April's dazed confirmation, "Okay, Raph."

"Get dressed, warm. We're going for a ride."

I cross my arms and glare at him, "No. I'm not going anywhere with you until you answer my questions."

The corners of his mouth quirk upward into a grin that drives a heat between my legs and I blush. His grin widens and I realize he not only knows why I'm blushing but exactly what he's doing to me. I blush even more. He leans over, looks me in the eye, "You want answers, you want to know everything about you, and me, get dressed. Something. Warm. Now."

My jaw shifts and I stare at him. "Tell me one thing, and I'll go with you."

"What?" he asks crossing his hulking arms.

"Are you the baby girl's father?"

He scoffs, and I want to hit him. Then he leans over again, his lips brushing my ear, "Zoe, we have five kids together."

My heart is hammering in my chest and I don't know if it's because he's provoking an unsurpassable lust within me or because I'm pretty sure he said five. Five. Kids. "Ffffive?"

He nods, "Five of the most incredible beings I've ever known, and we made'em. Now get dressed. Something-"

"Warm," I nod dazedly.

Five. Isn't that a lot? And why haven't I met the other four? I pull on a pair of yoga pants, almost falling over as I try to get the leg over my cast. I leave my red t-shirt on and pull a jacket from the closet. I tug a sock on my one free foot and a sneaker.

He eyes my cast, "When's that supposed ta' come off?"

"This Wednesday. Why?"

"Nah, we're taking it off tonight." He motions his head toward the window, "Donnie'll get it off."

"Donnie?" I follow him through the window onto the fire escape, permit him to scoop me up and seconds later find myself above a manhole cover in the alley below. All the while I'm still trying to process five children I don't remember giving life to.

"Donatello is my brother, and one of your best friends. I gotta tell you it feels really weird to tell you who you are." He lifts the manhole cover and I flinch. He smiles, "Want me to carry you?"

"I'm sorry, where?"

"To one of our two homes. We won't stay there, I just, that" he points to my cast, "It needs to come off, if we're going to do this my way."

"You're way?"

He seems to be gaining some confidence in his idea, "Yeah. You don't think all that different than me, and you already don't know who you are. If you're not scared of me, well then we got nothing to lose." He leans forward, flashing me a face that should terrify me but I find myself blinking at him as if he were behaving like an ass.

"What are you doing?" Is he- My hands ball into fists and my breath comes in shorter puffs. Is he trying to provoke me? As I step toward him he laughs and scoops me up.

"Hell Zoe, even if you don't remember who you are, it doesn't seem like you've changed."

He doesn't speak again until he pulls on a brick and the wall slides back like a pocket door. "The babies are sleeping, so uh, we'll just get that cast off and be out."

As I look around the high ceilings, the arches, the concrete below my feet; my eyes pause over the furnishings, humble and worn, yet… right. This was right. I close my eyes and feel something reaching for me.

"Hi Zoe," I hear a gentle voice call to me and open my eyes to a taller, leaner version of Raphael. His eyes are a warm golden amber and his mouth curls into a welcoming smile. "I've missed you." The purple masked terrapin blinks, then motions to my cast, "Want me to get that off, so you can uh- do whatever it is that you and Raph are doing?"

I swallow and my voice comes out with a rush of emotion and I wonder where it came from, because somewhere inside me wants to embrace him too. What is this damned feeling? Why do I ache to hold strangers? Inhuman strangers at that! "Hhhe, Rrraph says, Im sorry- He says it- Yes, please."

He steps back and motions a hand toward the hall just past the kitchen, "This way."

Raph and… "What did you say your name is?"

"Donatello. You call me Don or Donnie. And I didn't say. But that's just a technicality." He motions me toward a door, "In here."

Raph follows me inside the small medically equipped room. I permit Donatello to saw off the cast, knowing full well he could take off my foot with a slip. Yet he is calm and efficient. As the plaster falls away he glances at me, "May I?"

I shrug, "Knock yourself out."

He examines my foot, encourages me to move it and make circles. Then he nods to Raph, "It may be weak until she starts using it but it she's good to go."

Raph glances at me, "Sparring?"

Donatello shrugs, "Use good judgment with her. But," he puts a hand on Raph's shoulder and his brother seems surprised by the gesture, "You always have Raph. You've always put her before you. Do what you think, what you feel is right and it will be okay. No matter what." Then he looks at me, "And Zoe, I sure hope I get to hug you again someday. Take care, Little Sister."

I stare at him. He's like another piece of a puzzle with the pieces mostly turned face down, one by one flipping over, revealing themselves to me. An image surfaces. I was rolling around in a chair and Donatello was looking at me with an amused expression on his face.

_Sometimes you act like Mikey._

"Who's Mikey?" I blurt out.

The two brothers look at each other.

"Oh can I please? Please? Please? She asked about me? Please? Please? Let me in? Please?"

"For crying out loud Mike, shut it!" Raph snaps at the doorway. He curses under his breath and mutters, "Another brother. Come on Mike."

A smaller, but just as muscle bound terrapin bounds in the room, his blue eyes bright and captivating, his smile infectious. I feel a tickle rise in my belly and a laugh flitter by my smiling lips, "Well aren't you just all kinds of sunshine?"

Donnie laughs, Raphael rolls his eyes, but Michelangelo remains unfazed, even manages to settle himself and school his face into something serious but still inviting. "You are my best friend in the world Zoe, you helped me find love, save my sons life," Tears fill his breathtaking eyes and I find them pooling in my own, desperate to remember what he's telling me, knowing without a doubt that with that kind of sincerity it must be true. "I love you Zoe. Always and forever will. No matter what you decide." He opens his arms, "Can I please, just in case?"

The lump in my throat is great, the tears slipping away wretched, but I'm not afraid and I want to soothe his hurt and if this is all I can give him then I will do it. I reach for the orange clad turtle and return his warm embrace. The scent of pizza drifts up from his skin, and the image of a campfire and marshmallows came to mind.

_Do you think there's someone out there for me?_

"Come on already, the sun will be up before we get there and that just makes everything hell." Raph complains.

"Well aren't you gonna let her see Splinter and Leo?" Mikey whines, reluctantly releasing me.

"Not now. If we stay here too long we risk Anton waking up and I just- I just want to try this- see if it works before I go trying to explain this to him. Besides," he holds his hand out to me, "in the end the decision is yours."

"What decision?" I ask, placing my hand in his.

He gazes down at me with a mix of pain and love in his eyes, "To go or stay."


	31. Chapter 31

**Zoe**

I found myself on a motorcycle wearing a helmet that drowned out the sound of the wind over my head, clinging to the jacket covered shell of a turtle, flying down the highway at insane speed. While the world whooshed past us I examined the pieces of the puzzle; three turtles, five kids, the sewer, his inhumanity, mine, and then the bizarre fact that none of this felt foreign to me. I slumped against him, rested my head against his jacket, soaking it all in, and felt exhausted.

"You okay?" His voice fills my head through some kind of intercom.

"Yes, just overwhelmed I guess. Tired."

His helmet moves up and down in a curt nod, "We're here."

He pulls onto a long gravel drive, stopping in front of a sleepy old farmhouse. Another vision grabs hold of me as my gaze falls to the porch swing.

_The sun was shining, the cushions were green, I couldn't move, and there was blood._

"Hey, come on, I'll uh- show you around."

I follow him through each room of the house and random images, voices, moments would jump out at me. But they were fragments, broken, and missing the spaces in between. The children's toys, the cribs, and the entire basement that he informed me to be ours, those things provoked tender emotions without faces and I hurt to see them. Finally he led me to the barn behind the house and we entered a dojo.

"Sit, anywhere you want. We're gonna do something I hate." He motions around him and I stand staring at him.

"What's that?"

He spits the word out like he hates the taste of it, "Talk."

I laugh and his head whips in my direction, the corner of his mouth quirks upward. "You always did think that was funny."

"Did I?"

He shrugs, "Give or take a few fights."

Picking a fluffy blue mat to sink into I make myself comfortable and sit Indian-style, looking at all the apparatus around me. "So why'd you bring me here to talk? Why not the sewer house, or the farm house?"

"The lair, our home in New York, it's called the lair."

This seems important to him so I give him an accepting nod. "Why not the lair, or in the house here? Why the-"

"Dojo? Well, we could've done this in the dojo at the lair, but if Antonello saw you," he shakes his head, frowns, "it'd tear him up if you didn't remember him." He tightens his mask and sniffs, "and I picked the dojo because it's a special place for both of us. When we're in here I am your Sensei. We train together, and I've taught you things. It's why we met in the first place."

Over the next couple of hours I listen to him tell me a fascinating story, a story of honor, kindness, patience, anger, passion, friendship, birth, family, and home. A story that he clearly adores, one that is apparently ours, one that is full of the best things in life, even within its limits; a story of love.

As he speaks I get a few images, blurs, noises, but that feeling that ache in my chest is spreading throughout me, taking on its own rhythm, one that burns my fingertips with the desire to touch him. One that draws me closer and closer to him as he tells his story, our story, and by the time he explains to me how I was hurt and forgot who I am, my fingers are drifting up to his cheek and tears are slipping freely down his cheeks.

"I thought you were dead Z. Then I thought…" he leans his face against my hand, closes his eyes, "I still might have to let you go. We have to do what's best for the kids."

I close my eyes too, press my forehead to his and just feel him; thin fabric beneath my fingers, breathe him in, cedar and sweat, listen to his rhythmic inhales and exhales, feeling them soothing my fractured heart. My fingers are throbbing, aching to join with him. Merge. Join. Connect. The words flip through my head and my head tilts to the side, my lips seek his, wide, soft, cool. Right. His mouth parts and his tongue lightly brushes my lips and I part my own, feel the thick smooth muscle wrap around mine and my mind falls blank, encased in a sea of emotion urging me to get as close to him as I can get and... to let go.

"Five kids?" I whisper against his lips.

He hums into my mouth a mumbled confirmation, as I savor the sweetness of him, seeking more. My eyes open, I move my lips from his mouth to his cheek, relishing the feel of pebble smooth scales beneath them. He's slow to move and I see he's hesitant. His eyes meet mine and I see it, a wildfire, one that reaches into me and wants to pull me forth with ferocity. One that I realize I would enjoy, one that would provoke me to live with fight in my gut and strength in my heart, "Love me Raphael. Help me find you, somehow. Help me. I'm lost."

His lips find mine again, delicious, wet kisses, hot with breath, needy, perhaps desperate, and I think not only for the body but for the connection; the soul reaching embrace that will surely come of such a joining. His hand slips through my hair, his fingers run the length of the jagged scar across my scalp, I trace the one over his lip, am compelled to remove his mask. He lets me, and I look to the material in my palm. Red, scrap of fabric. Red, passion, fire. And the images rain over me, "I held this, the night we… made a…" Images of him over me, his mask in my hand, "baby."

He chuckles and the sound stirs more memories when he tells me, "that would be, babies, as in three."

My lips are swollen from his kisses and I want more, I want him to reach into me and pull me free from this shadow I'm tipping in and out of. "Will you, touch me?"

He sighs, rubs a hand over his face, "God, Zoe, I want to do everything we do, but you don't even know me. It ain't," he sniffs, looks away, his voice dropping, "it ain't right."

"You say I'm an empath. That my hands, I used to reach you with my hands." I hold them out, "Is that why they're hurting so bad? Because they didn't until I got near you and now they hurt so bad, and there's this pain in my chest, in my… heart. And my body and mind, they're screaming at me to get as close to you as two beings can get." A knot hits my throat and his eyes fly up to meet mine. The question falls from my lips, "Do you love me?"

He does not hesitate, looks me in the eye. "Yes. Till my dying breath."

I nod, "Then help me remember you. Help me find my way back." Tears slide down the bridge of my nose off the side of my cheek, "Even if it's weird. I just want the ache to stop. Because it hurts…" I press my lips together struggling to contain the rising tide within me, the pressure in my chest that something supernatural is surfing the crest of, determined to break free.

He wipes away my tears, kisses my lips, whispers to the crook of my neck, "I can't, you-" he clears his throat and the vibration tickles but I press myself closer to him, breathe him in. "You smell, really," he exhales long and low, the air ghosting my flesh, raising the hairs on my neck. "Really, really- oh, fuck it." He tips his head snatching my lips up with his, his hands grabbing the hem of my shirt yanking it over my head only to press his mouth to mine again. My heart is slamming against my breast the energy rushing through me reaching my extremities, flooding my core leaving my center wet and eager.

"Raphael," I whimper.

He growls then stops himself, alarmed eyes searching my face. "Am I scaring you?"

I'm trembling, the electric thrumming of my pulse mixed with this static energy slams against my insides and I shake my head, "No." I reach up to stroke his cheek, "Not at all."

He shifts above me, tugs at the waistband of my pants, "These've gotta go."

I lift my hips, press them up and feel something smooth and thick brush my hand. Wiggling my pants off beneath him while he breathes into my neck, his teeth grazing my shoulder, I move my hand toward that thickness. His breath hitches as I stroke the thick ridged muscle that tapers at the end, his tail. My fingers glide up to where his length has extended and he reaches between us, growls as he finds my panties and tears them quickly, throwing them away before sliding a finger over my center. He finds me wet and a sound rises from his plastron, it vibrates, reminds me of a cats purr with ch to it. He stops that too, whispers against my lips, "S'that bother you? You always-"

"No. Just be you," I shift my hips up seeking him, grabbing his hand in mine, lowering them together to guide him into me. I can feel his fingers, his length, my fingers, his tail, my body opening to him, drawing him into my depths.

He hisses as he draws himself in and out and I tighten around him, eager for him to drive in deeper, wanting to lose myself in the exquisite, agonizing pressure and taunting rhythm. With our hands still intertwined, I drift inside my body, the energies are combined, feeding into each other, hearts beating in unity, breathing as one, there is no ending and no beginning, just us…

Just us.

_It feels like we have merged… like some unbreakable bond has been forged and nothing else in the world matters…_

The memory of our first lovemaking reaches me, and both forward and back the memories flow one motion unfolding into another, in beautiful cadence; the ripples turns to waves, the waves to a cresting tide, ebbing and flowing, and he is with me, holding me, carrying me… Only there isn't just us, there are five little faces to which I can now put names, even personalities, even how they got those names, and who gave them to them. I can remember their births, their creation, forwards, backwards, my life not only fills the void but mends the fracture in my heart and quells the ache, and I am full at last; complete as he shudders within me, coated in sweat, slick and wet, lips locked, hands intertwined, eyes open and gazing, fire and light burning in them, our bodies still joined. He's found me, pulled me from my darkness and for the graces of knowing him in every way possible, I am whole, complete, he is my other half and we are one.

He kisses my lips, runs his tongue over a bite I never felt, "Sorry, that part wasn't supposed to happen."

I grab the sides of his head, pull him to me and kiss him with a ferocity usually reserved for him. "You found me Raph."

He slides his palms over mine, squeezes my fingers, presses his lips to mine again and I taste his tears. "I know, I'm just sorry I waited so damn long to come for you."

We lay connected to each other, make love again, sleep in each other's arms until morning light creeps in through the spaces between the boards; tiny, heatless rays gracing his rippled green flesh. I lay looking up at him, his arm my pillow. "I love you Raphael. You and everything we have together. Everything. Every scar, every fight, every sibling, every home, every child, I love where we are together and every step that we've taken to get us here. I wouldn't change a thing and I-"

He presses his lips to mine then whispers against my lips, "Shut it Z, you're killin' me." He gives me a squeeze, kisses the top of my head. "I love you too Zoe, and all that other stuff-" He squeezes me again. "Yeah, all of it."

"Raphael?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go home."

"Zoe."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you know?"

"What?"

"Home is wherever you and I are together."


End file.
